AIBU to throttle DD???!!

[matchpoint]

Roughly four hours later and I am still frothing at the mouth.

Backstory: DD is 4 years old, and she and her sister have received (too) many Easter eggs from school, family friends, various well-meaning relatives etc. Both had a Creme egg for a treat after dinner, and the rest of their haul of Easter eggs are living in the kitchen to be dished out as appropriate over the next year/eaten by me (seriously, there are a lot).

I come downstairs to get DD up for bathtime, and she has opened and eaten parts of five eggs, two of which she knew were not hers. There was chocolate in little bits all over the floor, some of which melted and it took ages to clean up.

When asked about it, DD lied to my face that it wasn't her, but eventually fessed up (her sister is innocent in this affair). I went absolutely batshit crazy at her, and I don't feel guilty. She was sneaky, greedy and she lied to my face. She knows better. DD was sent straight to bed, no bath, no story, cried for ages, now asleep.

I'm thinking that she gets no more Easter eggs; and also want to ban her from the iPad for the next week. DH is a bit of a softy, and reckons being shouted at and sent to bed was punishment enough.

DH thinks this is too harsh; my worry is that she will see it as a not a bad trade-off---snuck into Easter eggs, Mummy shouted a bit, but she still got chocolate. MN thoughts please??

'Only time will tell if I have ruined DDs life. Until then, I won't be fretting too much over it.'

That's an awful, awful thing to say OP.

Why on earth wouldn't you care if you fucked up your DD up for life?

I took the reason you posted is to get a bit of perspective and maybe swap a few 'I lost it with my DC too' stories so you could calm down.

But you've just said you don't care for your DD and whether you've had a significant negative impact on her, I'm not goading or being sarky, but why did you write the thread?

Just a though op, maybe you could look after your daughters' teeth, and simultaneously build their self-esteem and self confidence? Problem solved

I don't have much to add other than fucking hell get a grip.

"why did you post about it, if you're not bothered?" I think she was looking for a pat on the back!!

OP - what does your DP/DH say about it?

Did you watch the video Pip posted up thread OP?
Please watch it.

I have inherited shit teeth. We had very little sweets/chocolate in my house when I was young, not because of dental worries, but two hyperactive brothers. As soon as I was able to buy my own lunch, I would spend all of my lunch money on sweets. Have calmed down now but still have a massive sweet tooth despite the expense and the pain.

My dad was quite shouty, easy to anger and would stay angry. I'd always take my chance with a lie because I'd be in trouble anyways. Yeah your DD had no chance with the evidence strewn around like that, and I'm sure I had similar times but it just meant I had to get better at lying.

And I got really good at it.

Lies I felt a bit bad about in retrospect, but reading your post brings back what it was like to be sent to bed until I fell asleep crying about things I barely understood, and I don't regret my lies now.

I'm sure she'll behave with propriety the next time she sees you.

Why did you post op? Did you think everyone would pat you on the back saying well done?

I could cry for your poor DD.

Do you feel any empathy towards her after reading the replies to your op?

I course I would care if I 'fucked up my DD for life'! Please don't put words in my mouth. But as I said, time will tell. Cross that bridge when I come to it.

It's a lot bigger than eating more chocolate than allocated.

UMMM REALLY, ITS NOT. YOU MADE IT BIGGER.

what you did, though, did NOT make it more likely that this won't happen again. In fact it was totally counterproductive.
It was the kind of punishment - lengthy, miserable, out of proportion - that will make her MORE afraid to trust you, MORE afraid of your reaction, and definitely MORE afraid to admit to mistakes in the future - because she knows, now, if she didn't know before, that you will react angrily, harshly and lose control. She will be MORE likely to hide things from you.
That's the effect of this behaviour on your part.

I would have hit the roof too, and my DD is three. She knows she's not allowed in the fridge, and, despite the fact she has a bowl with treats and sweets and crap in the fridge, she doesn't take herself off and sneak into it. Because she's been told not to. I would also be furious about the blatant lying. She needs to know that her actions are wrong. Shouting isn't the best way to do it (but we've all been there) but I'm not surprised you're really upset with her.

There is something as well about gluttony which pushes all my buttons, and I'm not sure why. She will pester and pester if we cook to eat the ingredients, to the point of wanting to eat butter on it's own from the block, and it makes me really irrationally upset, I have to sit on myself very hard to not get angry with her. But it's greed and it upsets me in quite a primal way, I'm not sure why.

I wouldn't do the iPad thing, because it's not relevant to what she did and just smacks of random punishment, but I wouldn't let her have any more eggs. She's had her share.

Deep breath. Glass of wine. All will seem brighter in the morning.

Exactly. It's a "sorry little episode" as you say. Not worth upsetting your poor little DD like this.

I really, really hope your posts are just to save face.

I'll take my chances with low self-esteem and bulimia.

You wrote a passionate and angry post and others, including me, have responded with their opinions. I must be horrible to feel attacked and I can see what you would want to defend yourself. I admire you for that...I would have run and cried!

However, I think your responses have been quite harsh and the above highlighted statement quite cruel. And I wonder if you have considered the fact that the majority of people think you were OTT and feel for your little girl. Not just for your initial response, but the fact you posted after FOUR hours, the fact that since then you are justifying your actions instead of feeling really bad. I mean I have shouted and got angry at my children, most of us have, but I think when they have gone to bed and peace has descended I have felt really guilty. I have so often wanted to take, less dramatic words and actions than yours, back and just hug them. I don't think I could have any of my children cry themselves to sleep (and believe me I have had some terrible dramas). So I am a little surprised that all these hours afterwards you are still feeling you were correct. It's like you don't yet forgive your baby. I hope I am reading you wrong and you do now regret your actions. I hope you are coming across in print much harsher than you are in RL. And if I am incorrectly interpreting your words, I do apologise.

Thanks again for reponding though.

Gosh, only time will tell if you've ruined her life and you'll take your chances on low self esteem and bulimia? I really hope your DH steps up and prioritises your little girls happiness. You seem totally deluded, you're still scaring me. A lot of these posts must be hard to read but they're all pretty consistent OP. please listen and seek advice from your Hv or local sure start. You really do sound as if you need it. Id like to think your DD is in line for big cusdles tomorrow morning but I bet she isn't. Poor kid.

Ffs is this still going on?

She is 4. She was an opportunist, can't say I blame her really! You should have put them out of sight.

One measly creme egg is a bit shit. It's Easter. A creme egg is particularly bad for teeth as its syrupy and sticky!

Yes she shouldn't have lied but massive massive over reaction.

Really quite unnecessary to go on the way you have. The comments you make in reply to posts saying yabu are quite vile.

You sound like a bully to be honest. I'm sure you aren't but that's they way you are coming across.

I think you need to chill the fuck out and eat a mars bar or something.

Oh and leaving a baby to cry themselves to sleep.... That's low. She's only a baby.

It will be a very broken bridge OP sadly and I'm certain your dd will find it to difficult to cross herself.

"showing disrespect to property"

Look, i have been flamed and chargrilled on here before and realised i was wrong - you get a lot more respect if you admit it!

I know you feel bad but trying to justify it by telling us just how "bad" your DD is, isn't really doing you any favours. You need to grow up

I think some of he collective upset is a worry that this is not just a one-off 'batshit' moment.
If you can be so angry and so punitive about one small incident, how do you behave when she does something really wrong?

I cannot understand people who have this kind of rage over things that really will not matter longterm. If I were you OP, I'd be worrying about what kind of damage these episodes of rage will be having on your daughters mental well being. Because this won't be a one off. I wonder how you treat her when she does something really big

Get help OP

Deep breath , glass of and all will seem brighter in the morning

Aye for the op. the poor soul, having to clean up some chocolate off the floor, and wipe the froth from her mouth. How traumatic for her.