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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to throttle DD???!!

471 replies

matchpoint · 31/03/2013 21:41

Roughly four hours later and I am still frothing at the mouth.

Backstory: DD is 4 years old, and she and her sister have received (too) many Easter eggs from school, family friends, various well-meaning relatives etc. Both had a Creme egg for a treat after dinner, and the rest of their haul of Easter eggs are living in the kitchen to be dished out as appropriate over the next year/eaten by me (seriously, there are a lot).

I come downstairs to get DD up for bathtime, and she has opened and eaten parts of five eggs, two of which she knew were not hers. There was chocolate in little bits all over the floor, some of which melted and it took ages to clean up. Angry

When asked about it, DD lied to my face that it wasn't her, but eventually fessed up (her sister is innocent in this affair). I went absolutely batshit crazy at her, and I don't feel guilty. She was sneaky, greedy and she lied to my face. She knows better. DD was sent straight to bed, no bath, no story, cried for ages, now asleep.

I'm thinking that she gets no more Easter eggs; and also want to ban her from the iPad for the next week. DH is a bit of a softy, and reckons being shouted at and sent to bed was punishment enough.

DH thinks this is too harsh; my worry is that she will see it as a not a bad trade-off---snuck into Easter eggs, Mummy shouted a bit, but she still got chocolate. MN thoughts please??

OP posts:
Original poster
matchpoint · 01/04/2013 00:07

Don't read too much into the posting after four hours thing, I was busy this evening after 'Easter egg-gate 2013', and didn't have a chance to post until later.

I won't be taking the iPad off her a week (it's not hers, it's a family one). Have cooled down slightly and reconsidered.

Still undecided what to do with what's left of her easter eggs.

OP posts:
HoppinMad · 01/04/2013 00:07

Its been more than 6?hours since the easter egg incident and you still sound angry about it. Sorry but thats not normal

Do you have any anger issues generally OP? I mean this in the nicest way. What would your reaction have been if it had been something more serious lied about? You're angry she lied. I can understand you dont want her to form a habit of it, but Its what kids do. Maybe she knew she would be in deep shit if she told the truth as you are so strict about sugar intake.

Fwiw if my dc (3) did that I would be very annoyed but consider it mischievious, not extremely naughty punishable behaviour.

MajaBiene · 01/04/2013 00:07

Wow, food issues ahoy in your house Rapunzel!

Lucyellensmum95 · 01/04/2013 00:08

well, tahts 222 messages and look OP, One person agrees with you - you can go to bed now - you were right Hmm

LemonPeculiarJones · 01/04/2013 00:08

OP you have understandably had a battering here.

However I agree with MajaBiene in that I hope you are just being obnoxious to 'front' it out, and actually do have the ability to reflect on this and feel remorse.

Just because this thread has become so heated doesn't mean that, should you want to post in the future about difficulty bonding with your DDs, or anger issues, or your own childhood, or anything that's bothering you, you won't find support. If you are honest and have an open mind, support will be here for you.

Good luck, and hug your daughter tomorrow; say sorry you got so cross, and yes, start the day afresh.

MrsSham · 01/04/2013 00:09

Can I suggest with the eggs you all make a nice cake or rice crispy cakes or something you can all do and have fun with together.

Nirvana1999 · 01/04/2013 00:09

Are you deliberately trying to bait people with your replies? I think you are tbh. Can't you just admit you over reacted?

cheeseandpineapple · 01/04/2013 00:10

You do not want your DD to think it is acceptable to lie to your face.

But fine for her to grow up thinking your batshit crazy reaction is acceptable?

As someone who is prone to going batshit crazy from time to time, I want to try and see your perspective but you are deluding yourself. You need to let your husband input more but fuck he must be scared shitless of you too that he couldn't intervene and diffuse the situation.

You massively over reacted and need to tell your daughter that in the morning.

Two wrongs etc or in this case one relatively little wrong from your DD in extenuating circumstances and one massively over the top, fucking scarey wrong from you.

AgentZigzag · 01/04/2013 00:10

That's what I'm saying though matchpoint, it'll be too late by then.

And I can tell you as someone who grew up with a similar mother to what you've described of yourself, it's not possible to escape it without scars.

Most parents worry like fuck about how they're doing as a parent.

I just hope the lack of care you seem to have over your DDs future self is defensiveness against some of the difficult things people have said on your thread.

Fudgemallowdelight · 01/04/2013 00:11

I course I would care if I 'fucked up my DD for life'! Please don't put words in my mouth. But as I said, time will tell. Cross that bridge when I come to it.

It'll be far too late then.

essexmumma · 01/04/2013 00:11

Wow my first post stated my opinion but you then came back and showed your true colours. Vile!!!

You told her off - get over it. You are expecting too much and to be frank have issues. Time will tell? Yeah it will, because if you don't change your ways, I fear time will tell and she won't like you - just as you appear not to like her. You need help (HV or childrens centre).

I feel so sorry for your children and DH - you sound controlling, obsessive and self righteous.

RapunzelAteMyHamster · 01/04/2013 00:11

I think trashing five chocolate eggs, spreading the bits all over and stuffing your face is really appalling behaviour, I'm honestly surprised that most people seem to think it's a trifling little, kids will be kids kind of a thing. It's not like sneaking a little bit. I would expect a four year old to have better impulse control that that.

And I get as well why it would be upsetting that some of the things weren't hers. She knew it was her sisters chocolate, but she didn't care. That would upset me too.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 01/04/2013 00:11

Think the only thing missing here is the OP telling us we're all PO

MrsDeVere · 01/04/2013 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KansasCityOctopus · 01/04/2013 00:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 01/04/2013 00:14

rapunzel - I don't think anyone is saying the behaviour was acceptable. The point is that the OP's reaction was total OTT.

I must say, I find your comment that I would expect a four year old to have better impulse control that that. rather ironic

MrsDeVere · 01/04/2013 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsSham · 01/04/2013 00:16

I don't think you can expect a 4 year old to have better impulse control if she has only learned what poor impulse control looks like from her mother.

Posterofapombear · 01/04/2013 00:17

This whole sorry incident was your fault. You are the adult and you failed.

She is a child and does not have the impulse control, logic, reasoning, grasp of consequence or life experience to control her own behaviour at all times.

This is why parents set sensible boundaries and try to instil good values and behaviour in our children.

We don't get into bar brawls just to upset them. Hmm

littlemisssarcastic · 01/04/2013 00:18

OP, Why did you allow your DD's to have so many easter eggs in the first place if you then ration them so strictly that a single creme egg on Easter Sunday is all they were allowed to have?

Seems rather cruel to me, to show them the easter eggs, then tell them they are forbidden from eating any, and then to leave the eggs in their reach too??

FWIW, I think your DD's have more self control than you!!

midastouch · 01/04/2013 00:18

I have poor impulse control (i blame my mothers stingyness) i could never expect my DS to leave chocolate if he was unattended. You clearly do not agree with over 200 messages i dont know why you posted in AIBU i you didnt want opinions

ShootingStarsss · 01/04/2013 00:19

This is a really sad thread Hmm
Op you need to take a long hard look at yourself.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 01/04/2013 00:19

This one incident won't 'fuck her up for life.'

But if this is how you react to everything, that might.

In all complete honesty, I am not saying you can't shout at your child. I won't even get into that. Leaving her the way you have, though, is what pushes it over the edge. It's unnecessary for the learning process here. She got it when you went 'batshit crazy' on her. Leaving her 5-10 minutes to process that and have a cry is one thing. Leaving her all night to cry herself to sleep over it is what is leading people to question whether or not you might not need someone to talk to about your own issues.

Your posts make it clear you aren't upset over this at all, and that is very sad. My mother used to give me spankings if I lied to her, because that's how she felt she had to maintain discipline. I know she didn't like doing it, though, because I heard her crying over it more than once.

Your lack of emotion over this little girl is what is making everyone want to go hug their own children.

Nirvana1999 · 01/04/2013 00:19

At 4 I would think she did know it was wrong but also at the temptation of all that chocolate sitting there waiting to be scoffed was too much especially after only being allowed one measly Creme Egg the whole day.

Big picture op. try looking at it.

Machli · 01/04/2013 00:20

Rapunzel "gluttony" when talking about a three year old? That is pretty worrying.