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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to throttle DD???!!

471 replies

matchpoint · 31/03/2013 21:41

Roughly four hours later and I am still frothing at the mouth.

Backstory: DD is 4 years old, and she and her sister have received (too) many Easter eggs from school, family friends, various well-meaning relatives etc. Both had a Creme egg for a treat after dinner, and the rest of their haul of Easter eggs are living in the kitchen to be dished out as appropriate over the next year/eaten by me (seriously, there are a lot).

I come downstairs to get DD up for bathtime, and she has opened and eaten parts of five eggs, two of which she knew were not hers. There was chocolate in little bits all over the floor, some of which melted and it took ages to clean up. Angry

When asked about it, DD lied to my face that it wasn't her, but eventually fessed up (her sister is innocent in this affair). I went absolutely batshit crazy at her, and I don't feel guilty. She was sneaky, greedy and she lied to my face. She knows better. DD was sent straight to bed, no bath, no story, cried for ages, now asleep.

I'm thinking that she gets no more Easter eggs; and also want to ban her from the iPad for the next week. DH is a bit of a softy, and reckons being shouted at and sent to bed was punishment enough.

DH thinks this is too harsh; my worry is that she will see it as a not a bad trade-off---snuck into Easter eggs, Mummy shouted a bit, but she still got chocolate. MN thoughts please??

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 31/03/2013 23:49

That should be "I've always been able to tell when he lies " but I told horrendous whoppers as a child so Freudian Slip there.

TurnipCake · 31/03/2013 23:50

OP, I think the behaviour that needs a long hard look at is yours. Batshit crazy, really?

It must be hard to read some of the responses on here, but you're digging yourself a deeper hole now.

For a four year old to cry themselves to sleep is deeply saddening to read. The rot that will set in will be to her sense of self worth, teeth will be the least of her problems.

KansasCityOctopus · 31/03/2013 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 31/03/2013 23:52

This is absolutely horrible - I seriously suggest that you speak to the health visitor or similar to get some assistance with how to deal with situations like this and put matters in perspective.

You also need some advice on oral hygiene too - much better to have an amount of chocolate or sugary foods in a short period than to be drip feeding them over the course of a week etc.

Original poster
matchpoint · 31/03/2013 23:52

Well, that's me told.

Only time will tell if I have ruined DDs life. Until then, I won't be fretting too much over it.

OP posts:
Machli · 31/03/2013 23:52

You sound like you see your daughter as The Enemy who must be quashed at all costs.

May I suggest you read an author called Alice Miller. She might give you some insight. I sure wish I had read her when my children were tiny.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 31/03/2013 23:52

YABU.

I wrote a much longer post but you're obviously not listening. You're in full defensive mode. You clearly think it's totally normal to go batshit crazy on a small person until she cries herself to sleep.

I know bad teeth. I also know she has baby teeth which you are presumably teaching her how to clean thoroughly. Having one day of more chocolate than usual is not going to make her future adult teeth fall out of her head.

But congratulations. We all hope we can make memories with our children on these holidays. She'll certainly remember the Easter mummy lost her shit because she ate more chocolate than she was allocated.

For future infractions (and there will be, with such rigid rules comes the desire to break them) have your shouty reaction if you must, but don't leave the girl to cry herself to sleep. Go up there, tell her she doesn't have her iPad for the rest of the week because she's lied etc, but give her a hug and make sure she knows mummy doesn't hate her. Because that's what she's been left with today.

KansasCityOctopus · 31/03/2013 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 31/03/2013 23:54

You aren't fretting over it? You feel nothing for her, alone in the dark crying herself to sleep.

wow.

Biscuit
Bluelightsandsirens · 31/03/2013 23:54

Sad sad thread

harpsichordcarrier · 31/03/2013 23:55

OP you really have got a mauling here, and I guess the hope is that you might understand that the kind of anger you displayed here and to your 4 year old is very disturbing, damaging and frankly you need to sort it out.
FWIW I have shit teeth I mean TERRIBLE. I crumbled one the other week on, strange coincidence, a cold creme egg.
However, I have very good self esteem and very good body image and I have felt loved and cared for my entire life, and have certainly never been left to cry myself to sleep at night Sad. As a direct result I have excellent relationships, a happy marriage and very little anger at the world.
Who cares about teeth? Really?

Nirvana1999 · 31/03/2013 23:55

I hope you go j to her room and just give her a hug. I hate the thought of a little one sobbing herself to sleep I really do. In the grand scheme of things was it really that bad? Infact I'm going to give mine a hug anyway. Shitty fucking people in this world.

gymmummy64 · 31/03/2013 23:56

So sad. Your DD is 4. Does she go to school? Watch Cbeebies? Go into shops? Easter hype is all around! This is likely to be the first year she has been aware of easter eggs, that some of them are hers and that they are intended for her to eat. There's a very good chance her teacher/head will have ended the term saying 'don't eat too much chocolate!' So so exciting for a 4 yo! Poor lamb only to get one creme egg and have all the rest paraded in front of her with no idea of when or how she would get to eat them. (Sounds like never.)

What would have been good was to have decided what you thought was reasonable - maybe an egg a day for 4 days? 3 eggs on day 1? Small piece of egg each day for a week? Whatever it was, if you had talked to her about it and agreed it then you could (and still can!!) have shared in her excitement but have set boundaries for both of you to operate in. You could have agreed where you would keep the eggs, how to choose which one(s) to open, what time of day etc. Just as exciting for her and you get some control too. Alternatively you could just have had a free for all, but I do get that you wouldn't have been comfortable with that.

Oh, and be realistic. Don't leave masses of chocolate in reach.

Just imagine your DD's surprised joy tomorrow if you wipe the slate clean, agree to forget all about tonight and plan how the rest of the eggy week is going to be done so neither of you get upset. I've often said to my kids that we both need to forget/apologise/do it differently. Sometimes much better lessons to be learned all round from that approach ime than one of us being 'right' and the other being 'wrong'. It's not too late to put it all on a much more positive, controlled and happy footing for both of you and the wonderful thing about 4 year olds is you can do that. Much more difficult when they're older!

LemonPeculiarJones · 31/03/2013 23:56

You won't be fretting over the influence you have on your daughters emotional well-being?

Why not? You're her parent.

MajaBiene · 31/03/2013 23:56

Poor little girl. OP I hope you are just fronting it out on this thread and have actually taken these comments on board.

MrsSham · 31/03/2013 23:56

What a shame Sad

Lucyellensmum95 · 31/03/2013 23:57

Oh OP, of course one incident of you going "batshit crazy" at your four year old DD isn't going to ruin her life. How ridiculous - please don't think that. Please don't lose any sleep over that - of coures it wont ruin her life. Its a one off incident isn't it???

SirBoobAlot · 31/03/2013 23:57

You are aware that you can actually work with our children, and not force them to bend to our whims, yes? You don't have to verbally beat them into submission?

You totally over reacted.

Good emotional hygiene is as important, if not more important, than good dental hygiene.

Asheth · 31/03/2013 23:57

Of course kids lie to get out of trouble. It's normal. And you discipline them appropriately and move on. In this case appropriate discipline would have been no more eggs tonight, helping you clear up and saying sorry to her sister. I'm sorry your DH had trouble with his teeth, but is there any evidence that your DDs have inherited? And if so is it really not better that they have their day chocolate. They give their teeth a good brush. And then no more chocolate for a while. Your method means that they will be eating chocolate every day for ages.

But for today you should accept you've over reacted (no shame in that - most parents do it once in a while) But you seem determined to think that it's ok that a 4 year old cried themselves to sleep over what to most of us seems a fairly trivial matter.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 31/03/2013 23:57

Well that's me told
I won't be fretting about it

MeMeMeMeMeMeMe

I don't swear much but FFS.

I'm leaving this thread.

And OP.
FWIW I was anorexic for many years.

(Different from bulima I never vomited or binged) but I'm sure interlinked.
I'm 46.
It never leaves you. Never

But hey, you take your chances with that eh?

But it won't be you will it.?

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 31/03/2013 23:57

Why did you post about it, if you're not bothered?

Fudgemallowdelight · 31/03/2013 23:57

Do you think you bonded properly with your dd OP? It just isn't normal to be so uncaring about your child.

pollyblue · 31/03/2013 23:57

If you're 'frothing at the mouth' four hours later over this, i can't wait to see your posts when she hits her teens....

You've made a massive thing about her behaviour, but you can't understand why the posters on here are making a big thing about your behaviour?

CandlestickOlder · 31/03/2013 23:59

'I won't be fretting over potentially ruining my DD's life.'

Ugh you are horrid!!

Original poster
matchpoint · 31/03/2013 23:59

"She'll certainly remember the Easter mummy lost her shit because she ate more chocolate than she was allocated."

No. Because she opened five easter eggs, in the knowledge that two did not belong to her. She ate the easter eggs and made a huge mess-showing disrespect to property (which is something we have been having issues with). When asked about it, she lied.

It's a lot bigger than eating more chocolate than allocated.

Maybe I did overreact. But I don't want a repeat of this sorry little episode. Once again, time will tell.

OP posts:
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