Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to throttle DD???!!

471 replies

matchpoint · 31/03/2013 21:41

Roughly four hours later and I am still frothing at the mouth.

Backstory: DD is 4 years old, and she and her sister have received (too) many Easter eggs from school, family friends, various well-meaning relatives etc. Both had a Creme egg for a treat after dinner, and the rest of their haul of Easter eggs are living in the kitchen to be dished out as appropriate over the next year/eaten by me (seriously, there are a lot).

I come downstairs to get DD up for bathtime, and she has opened and eaten parts of five eggs, two of which she knew were not hers. There was chocolate in little bits all over the floor, some of which melted and it took ages to clean up. Angry

When asked about it, DD lied to my face that it wasn't her, but eventually fessed up (her sister is innocent in this affair). I went absolutely batshit crazy at her, and I don't feel guilty. She was sneaky, greedy and she lied to my face. She knows better. DD was sent straight to bed, no bath, no story, cried for ages, now asleep.

I'm thinking that she gets no more Easter eggs; and also want to ban her from the iPad for the next week. DH is a bit of a softy, and reckons being shouted at and sent to bed was punishment enough.

DH thinks this is too harsh; my worry is that she will see it as a not a bad trade-off---snuck into Easter eggs, Mummy shouted a bit, but she still got chocolate. MN thoughts please??

OP posts:
Hopasholic · 31/03/2013 23:31

FFS
Really? God help you.

Asheth · 31/03/2013 23:31

My DS is 4. He's spent all day eating chocolate, hasn't eaten any dinner and has tried to steal his siblings eggs. And I couldn't care less. It's Easter! One day of the year. He's not like this the rest of the time. And in terms of teeth, it might be better to have one day of gluttony than chocolate every day for the next month(s)

olgaga · 31/03/2013 23:32

Oh dear.

Your little 4 year old had temptation put right there in her way, made a perfectly natural choice to help herself, and was too frightened of her scary batshit crazy mum to own up.

For goodness sake, give her a break. In the morning, give her a big cuddle, and forget about any more "punishment" (torture more like).

Listen to your DH.

And get some help, it sounds like you need it.

TheSeventhHorcrux · 31/03/2013 23:39

how you'd feel if, say, your husband confiscated a box of chocolates from you, condescended to let you eat one, then put them on a shelf where you could see them but told you not to eat them as he was going to decide when you could have another, and then eat the rest himself??

??? Really? You know that the rules are different for adults, right?

Original poster
matchpoint · 31/03/2013 23:40

OK, right.

First of all, "Too frightened of her scary batshit crazy mum to own up" is one way of looking at it. And I'm certainly not discounting it. May I also offer another perspective? There's also "Lying to get out of trouble" which is something all children do (yes all children-even yours), and it is Not OK. I do not want my DDs thinking it is acceptable to lie to my face.

Secondly, if you have seen even a fraction of the pain, misery and expense my DH has been through with his teeth you'd be pretty anal about sugar intake and good dental hygiene too. I'll take my chances with low self-esteem and bulimia.

Thirdly, "eaten by me" was said in jest. Clearly, that didn't come across in my OP.

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 31/03/2013 23:40

A better 'punishment' for want of a better word would have been to ask/tell your DD to clear up the chocolate fragments with a brushpan and shovel to let her be aware that all actions have consequences.
"Five minutes of tardiness on your side should not have to result in 30 minutes of work on my side"

Then a cuddle, teeth brushed and bed.

midastouch · 31/03/2013 23:41

Rationing sweets is the worst thing you can do i didnt have a coa cola or twix until i was 13 and started going to sweet shops and spending all my pocket money on everything i wasnt allowed, i ended up with 2 fillings 2 years later. Everything in moderation, and make sure they brush there teeth! And to be honest i think a creme egg is worse for her teeth than half an egg would have been

MajaBiene · 31/03/2013 23:43

She shouldn't have taken the eggs or lied, you shouldn't have left the eggs in sight/reach or gone batshit and sent her to bed crying.

In her defence though, she is four. You are an adult.

LemonPeculiarJones · 31/03/2013 23:43

OP you are still justifying your actions.

scottishtablet · 31/03/2013 23:43

I really, really hope you are joking about bulimia. It is a horrendous disease (which, by the way, often ruins a sufferer's teeth). What would you have felt like if your mother would have treated you the way you have treated your daughter?

Lucyellensmum95 · 31/03/2013 23:43

" I'll take my chances with low self-esteem and bulimia" Vile

SirBoobAlot · 31/03/2013 23:44

"I'll take my chances with low self-esteem and bulimia."

Nice. Real nice.

You know that low self-esteem tends to lead to binge eating, and bulimia to tooth loss, right?

bringbacksideburns · 31/03/2013 23:44

Right - you asked for our thoughts and you got em. Listen to your DH.

Her memories of this Easter will be you shouting and her crying herself to sleep. Nice one OP. Lets focus on hoe shit British teeth are because that appears to be what concerns you the most.

What worries me is that i am far from perfect, i can shout with the best of them BUT she is a baby, she's 4, not 14. I really worry about how the hell you are going to react to minor issues with her when she's 10 and 11 and really pushing your buttons.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 31/03/2013 23:46

All children lie.
My DS is furious because I can tell when he lies (I have always been able to lie)
It's little things.
"Have you brought your coat home"
"Yes"
"Have you"
"Yes"
"You haven't"
"OK""

It's done sometimes before they think.
I tell him (apart from the fact I CAN tell, he needs a damned good memory to be a liar- which he doesn't have"

DD on the other hand never lies.
It's gone from
"Did you hit your brother"
"Yes I did"

To "What do you think of this dress"
"It doesn't look good on you"
She's 11 yo.
Brutal.

Bluelightsandsirens · 31/03/2013 23:46

She

Is

Only

4

Original poster
matchpoint · 31/03/2013 23:47

I would have loved to have made DD clean up the mess she made. Unfortunately as it was strewn about everywhere in tiny pieces, some of it partially melted, and lots under furniture, it was unfeasible. She would have made an even bigger mess.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 31/03/2013 23:47

But matchpoint, if all children lie to get out of trouble, why should yours need to be different? Why is it not ok for your child to do something that you say all children do?

My DD has been through years of painful orthodontic work by the way. A congenital condition. Nothing to do with easter eggs when she had her first teeth. I always thought that my role was not to fuss and judge and criticise and tell her 'where she got it from' but to arrange the treatment and hold her hand throughout it till we came out the other side.

Bluelightsandsirens · 31/03/2013 23:47

Her baby teeth will thank you but apart from building lovely tooth fairy castles they will have fuck all to do with her adult teeth.

Happy Easter

Fudgemallowdelight · 31/03/2013 23:47

I think you seem quite cruel and lacking in compassion. I think you should have counselling for your dd's sake, but it seems that you refuse to believe there is anything wrong. Poor kid.

Original poster
matchpoint · 31/03/2013 23:48

Yes, I am well aware of the effects of bulimia on teeth.

OP posts:
Lucyellensmum95 · 31/03/2013 23:48

It should have been something along these lines

"who ate these eggs"
"not me mummy"
Hmm its not nice to tell lies - you have made me feel sad now because a) you told me a lie and b) you have damaged these eggs which weren't yours. If you want to have some chocolate, you should ask mummy. All said in stern voice. Then business as normal - she is four. FOUR

Nirvana1999 · 31/03/2013 23:48

Pain and misery with bad teeth... I think pain and misery witnessing a batshit crazy mother is worse.

Poor little thing crying herself to sleep. Never go to bed on an argument. I've had mine sobbing into their pillows before and regardless of what they've done I go in give them a hug tell them I love them and that's it forgotten. My youngest is 6, she's been eating away at her eggs constantly all day, I told her a few times to go easy etc but it's Easter, she's excited, she's never had so much chocolate in one go. Who cares.

NorksAreMessy · 31/03/2013 23:49

Oh dear...this is getting worse

LemonPeculiarJones · 31/03/2013 23:49

Looks like we'll see your daughter on the ever-continuing Stately Homes thread in about twenty years then, OP. Or less.

littlemisssarcastic · 31/03/2013 23:49

I'll take my chances with low self-esteem and bulimia.

So you really are more concerned right now about your children's teeth than you are about their self esteem.

Oh my good god!! I am wasting my 'breath' on this thread, and I am speechless tbh, which is quite unusual for me. Shock

I have nothing to add that I can say without getting incredibly angry at you OP. You can't see what you are doing, but by the time you do see it, it will be too late to fix it. You silly silly woman!!!