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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to throttle DD???!!

471 replies

matchpoint · 31/03/2013 21:41

Roughly four hours later and I am still frothing at the mouth.

Backstory: DD is 4 years old, and she and her sister have received (too) many Easter eggs from school, family friends, various well-meaning relatives etc. Both had a Creme egg for a treat after dinner, and the rest of their haul of Easter eggs are living in the kitchen to be dished out as appropriate over the next year/eaten by me (seriously, there are a lot).

I come downstairs to get DD up for bathtime, and she has opened and eaten parts of five eggs, two of which she knew were not hers. There was chocolate in little bits all over the floor, some of which melted and it took ages to clean up. Angry

When asked about it, DD lied to my face that it wasn't her, but eventually fessed up (her sister is innocent in this affair). I went absolutely batshit crazy at her, and I don't feel guilty. She was sneaky, greedy and she lied to my face. She knows better. DD was sent straight to bed, no bath, no story, cried for ages, now asleep.

I'm thinking that she gets no more Easter eggs; and also want to ban her from the iPad for the next week. DH is a bit of a softy, and reckons being shouted at and sent to bed was punishment enough.

DH thinks this is too harsh; my worry is that she will see it as a not a bad trade-off---snuck into Easter eggs, Mummy shouted a bit, but she still got chocolate. MN thoughts please??

OP posts:
simplesusan · 01/04/2013 12:30

You could have written about my dd.

I wouldn't be frothing at the mouth 4 hours later.

She hasn't stolen money for crack cocaine.

Chill out, you will face far more worrying times than this.

Posterofapombear · 01/04/2013 12:33

My DD had an Easter egg for breakfast today because of this thread. I never want to be anything like the OP.

Rindercella · 01/04/2013 12:42

That's funny Pombear - my DDs had exactly the same! And they have the OP to thank for it. [bugrin]

microserf · 01/04/2013 12:45

This thread makes me so sad. Op, you are completely missing the point so many reasoned posters are trying to make. You really have no clue at all what you are doing to your child.

My mum used to go batshit crazy at me for small infringements. I now live on the other side of the world from her, and she is never left alone with my children the few times she does visit. I never want them to have to deal with that kind of anger. I also remember pretty much all of the horrible things she said to me when she was angry.

My kids also inherited bad teeth. We are usually strictish about sugar but we let them eat whatever they want on Easter Sunday and brushed their teeth afterwards. We then put the eggs in the cupboard to avoid temptation. It is only be day...

ELR · 01/04/2013 12:46

You need to take a look at your behaviour and perhaps but yourself to bed to think about it!

harryhausen · 01/04/2013 12:48

My god. This thread is so sadHmm

My dcs (my youngest is 5) have had their Easter Eggs today as we were travelling all day yesterday. They've had unlimited acess to them since just after breakfast.

You what they've done? Had a smallish egg each, put unfinished chocolate in a bowl and put it in the fridge for whenever. At 8 and 5. I'm quite proud of themGrin.

I've never limited chocolate (within reason. I don't let them eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinnerGrin) as I was never limited as a child. My old flat mate made me think as she was 19, had never been allowed sweets, chocolate or TV. Her adult behaviour? A TV in every room constantly on, sweets and chocolate for every meal and snack in the day, ^every^ day.

My dentist has told me chocolate is best for treats as it melts quickly from the teeth and the sugar doesn't 'stick' like sweets or dried fruit.

I'd really like to hug your dd today OP. Poor little lambHmm

KansasCityOctopus · 01/04/2013 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetmelissa · 01/04/2013 12:59

My DD had an Easter egg for breakfast today because of this thread. I never want to be anything like the OP.

Pombear and Rinderella - LOL. Yes, me too. I was clearing up this morning and about to put the remaining chocolate out of sight for a bit. Then I thought of this thread, tipped it all into a big bowl on the table and they are happilly munching their way through it whilst watching Toy Story!!! Grin

bringbacksideburns · 01/04/2013 13:09

Did no one read her last response? Hopefully she is now thinking she overeacted after reading all the replies.

'Don't read too much into the posting after four hours thing, I was busy this evening after 'Easter egg-gate 2013', and didn't have a chance to post until later.

I won't be taking the iPad off her a week (it's not hers, it's a family one). Have cooled down slightly and reconsidered.

Still undecided what to do with what's left of her easter eggs.'

sweetmelissa · 01/04/2013 13:13

Did no one read her last response? Hopefully she is now thinking she overeacted after reading all the replies. 'Don't read too much into the posting after four hours thing, I was busy this evening after 'Easter egg-gate 2013', and didn't have a chance to post until later.

Yes, hopefully, BBB.

Though I think she totally missed the point about the 4 hours. It wasn't that she POSTED about it after FOUR hours, it was that she was still really ANGRY after FOUR hours.

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 13:18

Hardly the climbdown of the century though is it? She still sounds pretty self righteous and just doesn't seem to understand why others are so shocked at her crazy over reaction towards her poor child.

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 13:19

Hopefully her dh has stepped in and explained how unreasonable she is but his influence seemed to be rather limited yesterday as she still went crazy at the little girl.

ImperialBlether · 01/04/2013 13:27

OP, I think you really have problems with anger and it would be much better for your family if you sought help for that. It sounds as though you were absolutely awful to your daughter and you made a massive deal of something that should have just irritated you.

Your daughter would have been frightened of you. I appreciate you want her to respect you as the adult, but that is very different from her being frightened of you. Have you read the threads on here by women who grew up frightened of their mums? Those women are suffering into adulthood. For your child's sake seek help now.

poppylemons · 01/04/2013 13:36

I agree with most of you but to carry on and on and on and on like this surmounts to bullying, I would say. Enough now.

AgentZigzag · 01/04/2013 13:40

Genuine and legitimate concern for a small child is not bullying poppy.

And there have been more sad faces than humphy ones.

poppylemons · 01/04/2013 13:42

Genuine concern I understand, but there are hundreds of posts all saying pretty much the same thing and you all know that. Why carry on and on.

ChippingInIsEggceptional · 01/04/2013 13:45

Because she still doesn't seem to get it That's why.

poppylemons · 01/04/2013 13:45

sort of reminds me of continuing to kick someone over and over who was long ago beaten down Hmm I think AIBU goes too far too often.

A1980 · 01/04/2013 13:47

You know when I was a child I wouldn't have dared open the eggs and eat them.

Because I already knew then my mum would have beaten the Shit out of me.

AgentZigzag · 01/04/2013 13:51

They're not all the same posters saying the same thing over and over though poppy.

People want to reinforce the idea that you have to keep control over yourself when dealing with children, because the damage if you don't can be immeasurable.

They just want the OP to acknowledge that.

It's not kicking and the OP's not being beaten down.

poppylemons · 01/04/2013 14:02

Not all the same posters but each poster can see there are several pages of posts ALL 'reinforcing' the same message..then they post another 'reinforcement'.

All you are going to get from the OP it seems is that she has 'reconsidered' not an 'oh my god you are all right i am a terrible person and will seek help' - wether she is thinking that or not she clearly is not going to admit it here. IMO this thread can't go anywhere now. Enough?

notnowbernard · 01/04/2013 14:05

Ive also read the thread and share the views of the majority

It's a useful thread because there's so much sense being spoken

Its certainly made me think about how I respond when my dc behave in a way that I find irritating...

At the end of the day, we are ADULTS they are CHILDREN. They are allowed to make mistakes, they have to in order to learn.

Someone earlier on the thread said something along the lines of would you speak to a colleague in the same way if they'd made a mistake. Thats a useful one to remember I think

I also remember the Child Of Our Time experiment - very normal 4 yr old reaction

LaCucina · 01/04/2013 14:09

Op, I am really careful about what dds eat, and asked family to keep eggs to a minimum. I canunderstande you wanting to curb excessive sugar intake in a smalll child.

However, I still took them to an egg hunt and let them collect their pretty baskets full. I then let them choose some to keep/eat, and have hidden (out of sight and reach) the rest. If however I found that they had found/eaten any of them, I would assume the fault was mine for not hiding them well enough. I would not be happy, but I try very hard not to shout and refuse to use bedrooms as punishments, and would never, ever, refuse my child love and a story before they go to sleep.

My stomach clenched at the anger and tone of your op. Your description of your dd is cold and hard. Your further posts seem to continue your tough, cold approach. It is never good to get a pasting on aibu, but surely you must get that you need to be guided by your Dh's instincts more, and do some real work with yourself to address the lack of warmth and empathy you feel for your poor, very young dd. It is not normal to describe your own child as you do, nor to be so annoyed by something so minor.

Please, please see this as a turning point. Get help with your expectations and behaviour management. Make a commitment to be a different parent.

wobblewobble · 01/04/2013 14:25

I can never tell which side people on mn are going to take from just reading an OP question. This one could so easily have had everyone saying lying isn't on and the OPs DH needs to step up and support her in disciplining THEIR child or she should leave the bastard.

Matchpoint - I didn't read your post as that of an aggressive thug mum whose child was terrified of her.

At 4 the OPs daughter is of course still a child but perfectly capable of knowing that taking chocolate when mummy said no is wrong, that lying to mummy isnt ever on and that there will be consequences. Personally at 4 I'd have given her more eggs during the day as it was Easter but thats my choice as a parent. My DD is nearly 2 and had her first ever chocolate this Easter (1 little lindor bunny). How CRUEL am I never to have given her chocolate before. I didn't read going batshit crazy or whatever as shouting screaming throwing eggs in rage. If that's what happened then yes it's an overreaction. If I said i went crazy for the same thing my crazy would have been no shouting but very firm. Punishment .... yes. Not shackled to a chair where she could see and smell eggs but not eat them but removed out of my sight (bedtime..... bed sounds fine) to think about what she had done. Actions have consequences. Taking things your grown up says not to is wrong. Age related consequences. In the morning I'm sure the OP would have had a big cuddle with her little girl, who would have apologised for lying to mummy. I wouldn't punnish further with the removal of iPad because to me they're not linked. Egg related punishment yes. You ate 3 of your sisters eggs so she gets these 3 of yours.
I'm a teacher. Of 4 year olds. Yes you know your child better than I ever could but my god they're cleverer than lots of parents think. Cleverer and manipulative (as in 'I know how to play mummy and daddy' not conning old ladies out of thousands of pounds). OP you sound secure enough to not be too upset about the overload of reaction against your opinion. Just wanted you to know you're not totally insane. Perhaps everyone else had super strict parents who only gave them one cream egg on Easter Sunday so are now eggstra touchy about Easter eggs ;-)

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 14:32

As a fellow teacher (I taught in primary although now in Senior) I am annoyed by your description of 4 year olds as 'manipulative'. That is a horrible, loaded term and I am surprised by your casual use of it with regards to a 4 year old.

Leaving this thread now as I have heard enough.

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