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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to throttle DD???!!

471 replies

matchpoint · 31/03/2013 21:41

Roughly four hours later and I am still frothing at the mouth.

Backstory: DD is 4 years old, and she and her sister have received (too) many Easter eggs from school, family friends, various well-meaning relatives etc. Both had a Creme egg for a treat after dinner, and the rest of their haul of Easter eggs are living in the kitchen to be dished out as appropriate over the next year/eaten by me (seriously, there are a lot).

I come downstairs to get DD up for bathtime, and she has opened and eaten parts of five eggs, two of which she knew were not hers. There was chocolate in little bits all over the floor, some of which melted and it took ages to clean up. Angry

When asked about it, DD lied to my face that it wasn't her, but eventually fessed up (her sister is innocent in this affair). I went absolutely batshit crazy at her, and I don't feel guilty. She was sneaky, greedy and she lied to my face. She knows better. DD was sent straight to bed, no bath, no story, cried for ages, now asleep.

I'm thinking that she gets no more Easter eggs; and also want to ban her from the iPad for the next week. DH is a bit of a softy, and reckons being shouted at and sent to bed was punishment enough.

DH thinks this is too harsh; my worry is that she will see it as a not a bad trade-off---snuck into Easter eggs, Mummy shouted a bit, but she still got chocolate. MN thoughts please??

OP posts:
katecreate · 01/04/2013 10:13

It is horrible to read your responses, OP.

My nephew opened a load of easter eggs he wasn't meant to yesterday. Yes, my brother was a little annoyed but he grabbed the camera and now has an funny video to show everyone [bugrin]!

I don't understand you reaction. It sounds like you have to be obeyed or you throw a tantrum. Your DD is FOUR. Please listen to the consensus of this thread. If you go 'batshit crazy' over this, what will you do when one of your kids does something really bad, especially when they're older.

MaryPoppinsBag · 01/04/2013 10:13

This thread has made me so sad Hmm.
I had a mother (and father I guess) who was extremely controlling with food. It has totally and utterly fucked me up. I have been overweight for much of my adult life and I am now obese (just!)

She also went bat shit crazy at me lots. Totally unreasonable and it is only now I'm a parent myself I realise what a nasty piece of work she was. And I actually have to say I don't like her.

I have just been sorting our Easter eggs out so I can chuck the packaging and they are all going into one pot so we can share. Whilst I was doing it my Ds's came up looking hopeful and I gave them some chocolate. I have always been relaxed about food consumption in light of my experience.

My youngest DS is 4 and would not have a clue which eggs weren't his (before they were put in the communal box). And I have had to stop him helping himself when he had most definitely eaten enough chocolate.

I think left in a room with all those eggs it is what a lot of 4 year olds would do. In fact it reminds me of an experiment they did on Child of Time where the children were left with a chocolate cake or cookies or something similar. All the children helped themselves and I think some lied about it too.

I would imagine opening all 5 was done just to get that rush of opening another shiny exciting egg. Which she had been denied!

It's not acceptable behaviour, however, it's what kids do. It is our job as adults to teach them not to in a calm and rational manner.

Buzzardbird · 01/04/2013 10:15

How is "not having a bath" a punishment? My soap dodging dd would be delighted at that!
this thread is horrible and has affected and worried all of us with only 1 exception. I am glad that the majority think this is unreasonable.
I dont make an issue with treats and therefore my dd barely touched any chocolate yesterday

Freddiemisagreatshag · 01/04/2013 10:15

Massive over reaction. It's a few easter eggs. She's 4.

And the worst thing is. You don't feel guilty and you don't care. You went batshit crazy and you don't care. Even if it fucks her up for life. You don't care.

Asheth · 01/04/2013 10:21

Still thinking about this morning. OP, it's really not normal to be so angry 4 hours later. Most people would be laughing by then "there was chocolate all over her little face, wrappers and crumbs everywhere and she stil denied it!!!" I'd probably have laughed at the time - quite often with my DS's behaviour I stand there wondering whether to laugh or cry! I don't think my DC have ever done anything that's left me angry 4 hours later.

But it's not the over reaction that's bad. It's the fact you still can't see it. And don't be so sure that she will forget it. I still remember a time when my mum over reacted. Looking back I can see that she had competitive parenting issues with the other parent present and this led her to go mad over a very trivial incident. And that is what I remember about my birthday that year - the fact that Mum went crazy and told me she was ashamed of me.

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 01/04/2013 10:28

The way you get children to grow up respecting you and other people is to treat them with respect.

How could you bear to shout at a little girl of four and let her cry herself to sleep?

You are setting yourself up for a difficult relationship with your daughter. If you've been behaving in this way towards her all her life, you are establishing your relationship as a battle ground. Why? Why do this?

Perhaps it is just ignorance.

Very sad.

grapelovingweirdo · 01/04/2013 10:34

Your poor dd Hmm i totally get why you were angry but not why you were SO angry. Hope she wakes up to a hug this morning

Fleecyslippers · 01/04/2013 10:54

I hope this thread has been a wake up call for you OP. I can't imagine yours is a particularly happy home if your husband and kids have to walk in eggshells (pardon the pun) just in case you kick off.

landofsoapandglory · 01/04/2013 10:58

This is so, so sadSad.

My mother used to go bat shit crazy at me, resulting in me crying myself to sleep on numerous occasions. She, also, used language like greedy, sneaky, liar about me and to me. I am the first to admit, that I am quite messed up now, I have very little confidence and take ages to believe people like meand won't hurt or bully me.

I very much doubt the OP will forget it this morning, she will probably re-enforce to her DD why she went to bed crying last night.Sad

soverylucky · 01/04/2013 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tethering · 01/04/2013 11:05

Op, there are so many different views on MN and so many different approaches to parenting and yet we're all agreed that your reaction was not healthy.

Please, rather than posting on the internet about this issue, talk to someone in RL about it like a counsellor or attend a parenting class.

You're creating a very unhappy atmosphere for everyone including yourself. If you can't or won't learn better techniques for your poor dcs' sakes then do it for yourself. Your motivation may be suspect but they can only benefit from you having a better understanding of why normal children's behaviour is so upsetting to you.

Tethering · 01/04/2013 11:06

oops x-posted with soverylucky

MissAnnersley · 01/04/2013 11:07

landofsoapandglory - I had a very similar experience to you and it has affected me in a very similar way. My abiding memory of my mum in my childhood was thinking how much she hated me.

I know now she didn't but it's too late and the damage has well and truly been done.

PrettyFlyForAWifi · 01/04/2013 11:08

Did you brush her teeth before you sent her to bed sans bath and story, though?

countrykitten · 01/04/2013 11:13

landofsoapandglory and MissAnnersley I know exactly where you are coming from. I was hit a great deal too and even though this was very damaging to me it is the brutal emotional abuse that I remember most and the times I was screamed at and I was afraid.

It affects you all of your life but the OP cannot/won't see it.

landofsoapandglory · 01/04/2013 11:14

I am the same MissAnnersley.

landofsoapandglory · 01/04/2013 11:15

I totally agree, CountryKitten.

seeker · 01/04/2013 11:41

And there was no mention of teeth in the OP - just sneakiness, greediness and lies. The teeth thing is sheer post hoc justification.

sweetmelissa · 01/04/2013 11:48

Did you brush her teeth before you sent her to bed sans bath and story, though?

The answer to that one would tell us a whole lot more to the OP's later defence that it was all done to protect her LO's teeth.

Kidsarekids · 01/04/2013 11:53

Read all of this last night, what a controlling and nasty person you are! My daughter has a four year old and she could not believe a mother could do that, yes tell her off but ... Really? have you never done anything wrong in your life? What were you doing whilst she was doing all of this? You should be ashamed of yourself!

ChippingInIsEggceptional · 01/04/2013 11:57

When 98% of posters agree you are wrong on an AIBU thread YOU ARE WRONG and no amount of self justification will change that.

  • You need to have a damn good think about your serious over reaction
  • You need to have a damn good think about your anger issues
  • You need to have a damn good think about describing your 4 year old daughter as a greedy, thieving liar
  • You need to LISTEN when you are being told your parenting is WAY out of line
  • You need to find a local parenting course and do it

...and you need to give her back HER easter eggs.

No one has suggested giving her sweets all day every day, but having more than one creme egg on easter sunday is NOT going to ruin her teeth fgs.

You behaviour is very worrying.

farewellfarewell · 01/04/2013 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetmelissa · 01/04/2013 12:06

I have also lost it with my lot many times. don't worry about that now, just try a gentler approach re the reasons your child misbehaved. we have all made mistakes

You are so right, farewell. However, I think alarm bells started to ring at the thought the OP could still be so angry 4, 5, 6, 7 hours later and still trying to justify her own behaviour. Yes, most of us have lost it, but I bet 99% of us have then regretted our own behaviour and felt guilty...bet there aren't many mums allowing their LO's to cry themselves to sleep and STILL being angry. That for me is really the worrying part.

notactuallyme · 01/04/2013 12:19

This christmas holiday I turned my fiver year old upside down, as you do. A load of quality street fell out of his pockets. He looked a tiny bit guilty. I laughed. Granny laughed. Dh laughed.
Sometimes, they aren't naughty, sneaky, nasty they are just excited children.
Just saying.

Rindercella · 01/04/2013 12:22

There's 350 messages on this thread. I think about 330 of them say OP, you are being really, really unreasonable. 15 or so are from the OP, picking up various posters on comments they have made, whilst still trying to justify why she was so angry with her 4 year old child. And the last couple of posts were from someone who thought the OP was sort of right.

What really worries me is that the OP, in the face of all this, does not appear to have taken on board what the overwhelming majority have said. Her arrogance is breathtaking.

Take a look at your own behaviour OP. That is really where all of your problems lie.

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