Childcare costs- someone talk me through the outrage

[Suzietwo]

Is it just me or does it seem a bit grabby of mothers to be getting cross about the change to child care rules?

I thought the rules were being changed to try and encourage people to work. Ie to give them more choice and be option generating aka A. Good. Thing.

But the stay at home mums voice in the media just sounds a bit self important.

Don't misunderstand me, I am entirely on favour of people and families making decisions which suit them. This isn't about that. It's about people being a bit....indulged? Make a choice, stick with it. The more choices which are available the better so if the gvnt can help (a different argument about whether they should) by offering money to assist people go to work, then fab. But don't demand it for making the choice to stay at home.

and you can throw back as many pseudo intellectual rebuffs as you like, but in the end it's just imaginative semantics.

It's not an elephant in the room at all. I have considered what is best for MY children (along with dh of course as he's their parent too)
I don't take it upon myself to decide for anyone else's children, because their own parents know them best.
Wouldn't it be nice if we could all accept that parents know their own children best?

it is the elephant in the room. I've seen women referred to as complete fucking tossers on here because they say its better for a child to be at home with one attachment figure in the first 3 years. This is received professional wisdom from a wide variety of professionals. But it's so very very rarely debated in these discussions. The kids are often referred to as a pesky side issue, an irritating conundrum to be dealt with and negotiated around. The government do the same thing.

I always wonder how much Xenia's posts are worth, if she costed up value of her time spent typing them (for the pleasure of us parasitic ambitionless SAHMs).

Xenia's posting time on MN she probably writes off in her taxes as some kind of charitable donation.

How anyone can profess to know what is good for someone else's children, to understand the nuances of family relationships, extended family influences, people's work and personal relationships and the impact that the locate weave of all these things have on any individual child I don't know.

Just makes a lot of people look very stupid. And as I mention earlier, very insecure in their own decisions.

I work and am entirely confident that my children are well cared for and extremely happy. I respect parents who don't work if that's what suits them. Personally, I would hate it. And. A result of my personal view, I think people should be encouraged to work and given that option. So they can consider it in the round of everything else.

Could you link to that received professional wisdom stepaway?

Incidentally, I just spent an hour on the phone to the leading child counsellor in the country, in a professional context. Guess what DIDN'T come up (and never does).... That's right, whether either parent works or stays at home with the kids.

What you lot don't know is that Xenia spends as much time here as she does on at least one offer forum....! Bless her.

Lol!
Doing the best thing for our kids is having one attachment figure there for the first 3 years. Going back to work full time when they are babies is fine (did it myself) and great for career stability/progression, but it's disingenuous to suggest that this is ever going to be the best thing for children. I don't know why we have to pretend that daycare is equal to a sahp. It isn't. (unless the home is abusive and the sahp crap)

That's what you think. I don't. Not do I care particularly.

Although on reflection I don't actually know wtf you mean by an attachment figure... Fewer books....more life...

Yes yes as know what you think, but how about linking to the received professional wisdom?

www.simplypsychology.org/bowlby.html#sthash.2ygMTO7c.dpbs

www.livestrong.com/article/234110-negative-effects-of-day-care-on-children/

Google: substantiating insubstantial arguments since 2004

but I don't need an actual study or report or survey to tell me this.
It's common sense that a baby is always going to be better off and more secure with a parent rather than sharing their need with several other babies/children. When I hear people arguing that daycare is just as good as parental care, I am speechless. Also, can't potential adopters be turned down if they don't have a full time parent to look after baby in early years?

www.news-medical.net/.../Study-shows-positive-effects-of-formal-child-...

www.daycaretrust.org.uk/.../benefits-of-childcare-and-early-learning.ht...

Yes, look, I can play that game too!! It's really easy! Player 1 just googles 'negative effects of daycare', then Player 2 googles 'positive effects of daycare'..... we could go on forever! LOL

Ooooo ooooo

What about large families?
Or stay at home parents with nannies?

you have too much time on your hands Janey!
I have this thing called a life.
I know how mumsnetters love a study, but like I said earlier, it's commonsense to argue that kids are better off at home.
It is the elephant in the room, as someone will always argue that daycare is as good if not better than a full time Mum/Dad. Usually from the perspective of what's best for career, never mind the small child.

The only children daycare is beneficial for are those in vulnerable homes with poor literacy etc or if both parents would be utterly miserable caing for said child.

Forgive me for not clicking on "research" by the daycare trust.

As step has said it's common sense.

Why on earth would being in an institution,competing for attention with other babies from workers who don't love you,won't know you for long,are often poorly qualified etc would ever be preferable to care in a baby's own home by a loving parent is beyond me.It is obvious.

It's exactly the reason why researchers say care from grandparents is preferable to daycare or after that a nanny.

absolutely pebbles! And at least I was willing to acknowledge this when I was working, instead of pretending they were just as well cared for in nursery as home. You're not allowed to say it. It's the elephant on the thread!

and at least I did paste from objective source material, LOL!!!

What I genuinely don't understand in this is why you give a crap. You have your views and live your life accordingly. Other people have theirs. Why try so doggedly to prove your way is the right way. And be so closed indeed to alternatives. Life is diverse both in this country and others. E,brace it.

If anything you should thank those who use child care for creating fvcked up little bunnies for your pre ions daughters to date in their teens.

I give a crap because the gov are trying to foist it on everybody.

I give a crap because the shit will hit the fan eventually.

I give a crap because I want my dd to have a choice and not have to leave her baby in daycare with a broken heart and a lifetime of regret.

Funny how you are quite happy to post but then accuse others of having too much time!!

Also from what you say, you were unhappy with the quality of care your children received when you worked, which has naturally coloured your view of things. That's fine to say so. What isn't fine is to assume that your own experience is true for every family.

If I had been going to work feeling that my children were getting a poorer deal than if I'd been at home, then I would have stopped working (or DH would). But this wasn't the case.