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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To detest tightness when the person is wealthy.

84 replies

Cannierelax · 29/03/2013 21:32

My post says it all. I know for a fact my mother Is stinkingly wealthy, no mortgage, expensive range rover, no overheads as my father pays for it all and a 6 figure in savings. Yet she has never bought my son a single full price item. My son had a sleepover at her house yesterday and it's family tradition to get the child a gift. I told Ds to say to his gran where his toy was, well she said she would get him a McDonald's! Ds then said he wished for a toy, his gran said okay, at this point I said I would get the Argos book for him to have a browse. Gran quickly yelled, no, no wait till I go into town and il get 'something' from B M Bargains. Aibu ? DH said I am. I'm just really hurt that his gran doesn't buy him anything unless it's fron the pound shop and she's loaded. She is generally very tight with everything. Should I be feeling hurt / angry. When Ds was born she also kept all of the Money gifts he received from her friends. Her reason was because they were from her friends and she had unturned bought her friends little one gifts do they were returning the favour do I wasn't entitled to return the favour. She did this for his first Xmas too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cannierelax · 29/03/2013 21:33

I forgot to mention it was my sons first sleepover at his grandparents house.

OP posts:
INeedThatForkOff · 29/03/2013 21:34

[buhmm]

specialsubject · 29/03/2013 21:34

that's how she got rich!!

your child does not need a gift every time he visits, she is giving him time, shelter and food. Visitors usually bring the gifts! Kids don't need expensive stuff, B and M is fine.

if she was given presents, they are hers. However if they were for him, she should pass them on. Not sure I understand that bit.

TwelveLeggedWalk · 29/03/2013 21:35

Er

HousewifeFromArimathea · 29/03/2013 21:36

Should of at least let him browse the harrods website

Original poster
Cannierelax · 29/03/2013 21:36

Oh dear, just realised the typos- apologies . - my mum said she was entitled to keep my sons Xmas money and new born baby money as she had bought gifts for her kids friends, and the only reason they gave Ds money is because they knew her and not me.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 29/03/2013 21:36

If she manages her finances like that then that's probably WHY she has so much money!

As an aside, a gift just for having a sleepover? Really?

NatashaBee · 29/03/2013 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubixCube · 29/03/2013 21:37

Your lucky your ds gets anything.My dad doesn't buy anything for my kids and even forgets their birthdays.I wouldn't mind one bit if he bought my kids bargain toys and his not poor by any means.

Original poster
Cannierelax · 29/03/2013 21:38

Special- she doesn't buy him gifts apart from a lollipop. He doesn't ever stay over. This is the first time.

OP posts:
MDA · 29/03/2013 21:38

I do hate this a bit. My gorgeous DH does the whole "how much" thing which irritates the shit out of me. He has no chuffing idea how much stuff costs. He's stuck in the 80's. Except when he wants something new Grin in which case its an investment.

I like the term "reassuringly expensive". Implies quality

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/03/2013 21:38

Almost all the very rich people I have met are tighter than a ducks arse. Your DM OTOH sounds sensible (except for the Xmas money) and wanting a gift for a sleepover is really very strange.

NumericalMum · 29/03/2013 21:39

Am I correct that she had him to sleepover for you and you also expect him to get an expensive toy? [bushock]

Kendodd · 29/03/2013 21:39

So she kept money given to him, by her friends, when he was born and at Christmas?

Iwantmybed · 29/03/2013 21:39

Why would he need a gift every time he sees her. Sounds a little spoiled to me.

RivalSibling · 29/03/2013 21:40

So where does the 'family tradition' come from?

Original poster
Cannierelax · 29/03/2013 21:40

Natasha- im not " grabby". I just think as a grandparent she should treat him. She did in fact purchase £5.00 trainers from asda once and I never heard the end of it.

OP posts:
HauntedArmchairOfDoom · 29/03/2013 21:41

Can we therefore take it your mother did not buy him, for instance, a lego police station? Grin

You do seem to get a bit het up about your child's possessions (or desired possessions...)

Original poster
Cannierelax · 29/03/2013 21:42

Rival- my aunts / uncles gave us gifts when we were kids as did our grandparents when we had out first sleepover.

OP posts:
frisson · 29/03/2013 21:42

Does she have other GC? If so, is she the same with them regarding finding cheaper options to spoil them with?

aldiwhore · 29/03/2013 21:44

It's exactly why she's wealthy.

YABU for being surprised. I also think it's a good thing in many ways that your DS doesn't link 'high quality' with 'lots of money' because the two don't always go together.

Put it this way, if your mum was really poor, you'd never expect gifts, or rather any gift would be a bonus... why should it be a given that the wealthy spend their cash on more pricey gifts?

If someone is very wealthy and they share their wealth somehow, through charity or making a difference, or employing someone or putting them through college, then all respect to them. I DO respect them more. But I would never judge someone who gave shit gifts and were also wealthy.

If I win the lotto tomorrow the £10 per person agreement would still stand amongst family and friends (aside from the drunken debts of houses I've promised them). That doesn't make me tight and even if it did, it's not anyone's right to question it.

It would be 'lovely' if really rich people all tried to make a difference with their spare cash, but they don't HAVE to and I wouldn't judge them if they didn't.

Your mum IBVU for keeping gifts (cash or not, rich or not) that were not for her, it's theft really. The money was for your DS not your mother. On that count alone you win hands down, that's not 'tight' it's downright dishonest.

LaurieFairyCake · 29/03/2013 21:45

Your behaviour is shocking. So's your sons.

Asking for a present - shocking

You getting out the argos catalogue - a whole new realm of grabby entitlement bullshit

Hth

Original poster
Cannierelax · 29/03/2013 21:45

Haunted- my mother spending £70 on a toy. That day will never come. It beacuse she lavishes herself with jewellery and clothes but very tight with everyone else. DH says I'm really sensitive when it comes to Ds and I am. She's tight with me too but thats another story. My washing machine broke down, I washed one load at hers and she complained I never brought along my cup of soap powder. She loaded Ffs !

OP posts:
catsmother · 29/03/2013 21:46

No matter how wealthy she is, or how other family members have previously behaved re: presents and sleepovers, I'm afraid I think it's rude to expect your mum would automatically do the same. It's also wrong to raise your son's hopes of a gift by getting him to ask.

However - her keeping money intended for him is extraordinarily mean and nasty. There's no way her friends would have wanted her to keep that money - presumably it was handed to her with the intention of her passing it on. That's really weird behaviour too and I'd take her to task over that - in fact, I might well tell the friends what she did too and drop her in it with them. I think they'd be pretty disgusted.

cheeseandchive · 29/03/2013 21:46

It's not your money, so it's not up to you to dictate how it's spent.

Acknowledge to yourself that it would be nice if she made more of an effort. Then acknowledge that it's not your money and you're not entitled to decide how it's spent.

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