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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To detest tightness when the person is wealthy.

84 replies

Cannierelax · 29/03/2013 21:32

My post says it all. I know for a fact my mother Is stinkingly wealthy, no mortgage, expensive range rover, no overheads as my father pays for it all and a 6 figure in savings. Yet she has never bought my son a single full price item. My son had a sleepover at her house yesterday and it's family tradition to get the child a gift. I told Ds to say to his gran where his toy was, well she said she would get him a McDonald's! Ds then said he wished for a toy, his gran said okay, at this point I said I would get the Argos book for him to have a browse. Gran quickly yelled, no, no wait till I go into town and il get 'something' from B M Bargains. Aibu ? DH said I am. I'm just really hurt that his gran doesn't buy him anything unless it's fron the pound shop and she's loaded. She is generally very tight with everything. Should I be feeling hurt / angry. When Ds was born she also kept all of the Money gifts he received from her friends. Her reason was because they were from her friends and she had unturned bought her friends little one gifts do they were returning the favour do I wasn't entitled to return the favour. She did this for his first Xmas too.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 29/03/2013 21:47

TBH, You sound a bit spoiled, so I'm wondering if this tightness is new?

My DM can well afford to buy a lot more things than she does....she chooses not to though. It's her prerogative. And none of my business. (Although it did piss me off greatly when I was a teenager and wanted things my parents wouldn't by me because I didn't need them [bugrin])

Family tradition to buy the child a gift when they have a sleepover? Well, it sounds very generous, and OK if all the children get a gift, and not just some children. You seriously told your DS to ask where his toy was? I'm cringing a bit at that!

Your DM keeping money intended for your DS is mean, though. Does she actually tell you she's been given money and kept it?

HauntedArmchairOfDoom · 29/03/2013 21:47

What I mean is, OP, that you are a little bit too fixated on material possessions, and whether or not you feel your son is getting his due. You must see that's not at all healthy.

Don't be one of those people who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 29/03/2013 21:48

You told him to ask where his gift was??? You are teaching him to be rude Cannie.

And then you said you'd get the Argos for him "to have a browse"

That's not your prerogative! IF she chooses to get him a gift from that shop...then that's up to her to tell him!

LynetteScavo · 29/03/2013 21:48

... wouldn't buy me....

BOEUF · 29/03/2013 21:48

I'm curious what she would have done if her friends had bought him baby vests or something. Kept them to sell on eBay?

Original poster
Cannierelax · 29/03/2013 21:48

Aldiwhore- she wasn't dishonest, she demanded the money back that she said was hers. ( Ds gift money) it came to about £300. I've slwAys had a chip on my shoulder about that.
It's only beacuse we are family that I'm feeling this way, I do feel somewhat entitled.

OP posts:
Corygal · 29/03/2013 21:49

The rich and tight are one of life's heartsinks - and hazards.

Buy all her presents from Poundland, it's only fair. Be firm. Make sure you don't do or give her anything that makes her more money - it's what she really cares about, so she might make it difficult to enforce, but persevere.

OTOH I think buying a child a present whenever he catches sight of the GP is OTT.

Original poster
Cannierelax · 29/03/2013 21:49

Boeuf- she told me I could keep Ds baby clothes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cannierelax · 29/03/2013 21:50

Corygal- it's only when the. Hold has their first sleepover they get a small gift.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 29/03/2013 21:51

why do you think your parent should treat your child to gifts?

Some grandparents spent time with their grandchildren and see that as giving, your parent had your dc to stay over and that would be time spent with the grandchild - is that not worth far more than a toy from argos?

Original poster
Cannierelax · 29/03/2013 21:51

I'm talking about maybe a tenner at most. She wanted to give him a McDonald toy.

OP posts:
RubixCube · 29/03/2013 21:52

If your mum didn't care,She wouldn't spend any money on your ds.Of all 4 of my dds birthday my dads forgot them all and my ds was 2 when my dad gave him his last ever present his now seven(yet remebered his wifes nieces and friends kids).Honestly the price of stuff doesn't matter it's that she bothers atall that counts

Corygal · 29/03/2013 21:52

Right - you should (must) tell the kind friends who gave money to DS that DM trousered the lot.

Don't complain, don't explain - just tell them and ask if they know anyone else who gave, as you probably don't have the full story.

Nasty old woman.

littlemisssarcastic · 29/03/2013 21:53

It's only beacuse we are family that I'm feeling this way, I do feel somewhat entitled.

This is the problem imo. You feel entitled.
Do you feel the same way about your father, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles etc? Or is it only your mother?

Does your mother spend time with your son? Does she interact with him? What is their relationship like?

Rosa · 29/03/2013 21:53

It is wrong she kept DS money ..very wrong. it belongs to your ds and she should return it or place it in a savings account or something. So what if they were her friends they gave the mony to your son ...not to her.

DieWilde13 · 29/03/2013 21:53

YABU. Most people are wealthy for a reason: they know how to keep their money together. Just because somebody is wealthy doesn't mean they have to share their wealth with you or your offspring. Hmm

Molehillmountain · 29/03/2013 21:54

It's how the rich get richer, in answer to your op. The rest of your post is a bit odd really. It's nice when your kids get presents but quite another thing to expect them. Going through the Argos catalogue? What in earth was that all about.

Corygal · 29/03/2013 21:54

She's a mean cow. They don't change. Poundland for Xmas, and call her Silas Marner.

CocacolaMum · 29/03/2013 21:54

You told your ds to ask for a toy??!?

WOW.

If I was your mother I would make sure you received absolutely nothing from me until you sorted your grabby attitude out. Judging by your weird lego toy thread I would assume your child doesn't need anymore toys.

Original poster
Cannierelax · 29/03/2013 21:55

Haunted- I'm not tight. I am taking my nephew and neice to legoland with us. I will pay for their travel costs and tickets myself. Their parents offered but I said it was my treat. Dont call me selfish.

OP posts:
CocacolaMum · 29/03/2013 21:56

Also, your ds is 5.5 years old (I presume from how precious you are about lego that hes an only child).. a mcdonalds toy is awesome to a child of that age, surely?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/03/2013 21:57

You should treat people the same, whether they have money or not. The 'wealth' is irrelevant and the fact that you can't see that is why you're having a problem with your mother. Stop focusing on her 'wealth' and start concentrating on the relationship, perhaps?

startwig1982 · 29/03/2013 21:57

Yabu and a bit rude to expect her to get your DS an expensive present just because he's staying over! Certainly getting out the argos catalogue is very rude.
There's nothing wrong with cheaper toys:my DS has mainly second hand and charity toys. It's not about who bought what and the cost, it's about the thought, effort and you being gracious and thankful and nice .

RubixCube · 29/03/2013 21:57

Me and my sister loved mcdonalds toys when we were little.Admittidly though they were better Grin

HauntedArmchairOfDoom · 29/03/2013 21:57

I didn't say you were either selfish or tight Confused Although I do think you seem pretty self-absorbed. You're just absolutely obsessed with money and gifts for your child

Fine, if you want to bring your child up to think affection can be measured in plastic tat and five pounds notes, that's your business - but don't expect people not to advise you that it's unhealthy.

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