To ask if you could punch a cake, which cake would you punch?

[littlemissbunny]

Inspired by Marmalades thread, I have been thinking about how much fun cake punching would be!

I would like to punch a Victoria sponge, all that jam and cream splattering would be very satisfying :o

So what cake would you punch?

Fruit cake is fucking lovely you weirdos

I'm struggling to think if a cake I don't like but will go for a pavlova with all its fruity faux-wholesomeness. It would make a satisfyingly soggy crunch, too.

*pastries. Even the thought of them renders me illiterate!

That fucking sachertorte that messed up on me today, that im going to have to go and deal with tomorrow, and almost certainly have to throw it in the bin. Might just drop kick it across the kitchen first.

My two most hated things in the world are lavender and chocolate/lime (it pains me to write these words) so mine would be

Key Lime Pie with chocolate curls (or even worse, the Key Lime Pie with chocolate digestive base that Nigella made)
and
those poncey genteel cakes with lavender icing (why. Just why ?)

Dundee cake. My aunt used to make us a Dundee cake every Christmas as a "family gift" instead of giving us kids proper presents! Every effing year! What 7 year old wants an effing Dundee cake for Xmas?

So now I would happily mash up any Dundee cake that my aunt ever dares to make.

Those fucking Earl Grey cakes I keep seeing everywhere.
Poncey bastards.

An aggressively made Christmas cake. No! No! No, I don't want to eat a dense, calorie laden and nutritionally pointless box, ta.

70isalimit - take it you're not a fan of the only cake I can make then - Nigella's chocolate lime cake with boozy cream? Google it though , best cake ever. The only one I've ever deigned to make...

Fondant fancies, would punch them in volleyball style. Yuck.

If pies are allowed, lemon meringue. Foul.

Two words:

Black forest gateaux

Hammer

Okay, we'll 4 words then.

I'm off to live in a tree house in Bavaria tomorrow. Don't tempt me.

Well not we'll aaaaaaargggghh pass me a donut to stamp my anger out on NOW!!!!

Colin the caterpillar here is definitely asking for it. I'd soon wipe the smile off his face.

Just to be clear, Colin is a cake, not a person.

I'd quite like to twat a plate of Mr Kipling's fondant fancies in their plasticky cream, dayglo sickly icing faces. You'd get a good six punches in if you went for the fuckers on an individual basis.

One of those little plain things that you put jam and cream on. But you'd have to be quick, before it's scone.

All cakes with marzipan deserve to have the shit beaten out of them.

Would it be wrong to crucify cakes, just for today?

Upside down pineapple cake. POW.
Black Forest would make a satisfying splatter as I heaved it into someone's face.

Stollen. Pure evil disguised as cake. KILL! KILL! KILL!

rice 'cakes' ...what is the point ...they are vile

Doughnuts can shit off too. They'll be all hole once I've finished with them.

Lemon Drizzle Cake.

Hideous, tasteless, dry marble cake as served at DCs' school events, sports days etc. A sneaky punch to dislodge it from the trestle table, then stampstampstamp.

Red Velvet cake. It looks horrible and I cannot imagine it tastes very nice with that amount of food colouring in it.

Its cake but its horrible. Thats wrong!