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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with dh

154 replies

uptherear · 28/03/2013 09:05

Dh works p/t half through previous unfortunate circumstances but half because he prefers it.
He enjoys his job and has less stresses than before.
Of course we are skint but I am a good budgeter!
So we cant afford treats but i bake to give dcs a treat for school break and occasional budget a 6 pack of crisps as these are dds favourite treat.

I used to have to hide them or dh would scoff them despite my saying these are for the dc. But recently we have had discussions and I expressed my frustration at having to go to the troubke of hiding treats. He should know as I do that we can only afford these as a little occasional treat for the dc. My treat is that I get to be a sahm, his treat is doing a piss easy job he loves p/t the kids miss out on stuff we could once afford so I like to get them a little treat for school snack every once in a while. They get fed up with scones/muffins/flapjacks that i have made.

Dh scoffed the last pavk of crisps that was in the basket for her snack today. Dh claims he ate them because only 1pack so thought it'd be ok. We have 2 school age dc and one preschool. Ds prefers a biccy as a treat so had one aside for him and crisps for dd who ended up in tears going to school with a biccy that she isnt fussed about.
Fed up wiyh everyone everyone making sacrifices and dh helpjng jimself to whatever he fancies :-(
So pissed off. Am i an unreasonable control freak?!

OP posts:
Freddiemisagreatshag · 30/03/2013 12:29

What a very peculiar way to live.

dreamingofsun · 30/03/2013 12:36

so if you had more money you would buy strawberries - but not the crisps that your husband sounds as if he likes?

Laquitar · 30/03/2013 12:44

OP i think you have been very rude. You drip feed and then call the posters 'not intelligent'.

In your op you said he should know we can not afford treats (a pack of crisps). Now you say that you can afford it.

You also said in a later post it s the memories that count not whats in the bloody lunch box. But you are the one that you started a thread about a bloody lunch box and you painted a picture of poor children. Now you are angry that posters felt sorry for your dcs.

Can you decide f you are poor or rich and let us know because we are thick and we need clear wording.

Viviennemary · 30/03/2013 12:45

I agree with people who say you must take a long hard look at the way your household operates. If somebody eating a packet of crisps causes a crisis there is certainly something wrong. This kind of tightly run budge must be miserable for children to live in. One of you must seek more hours or budget better.

Viviennemary · 30/03/2013 12:45

'budget'!

Dadthelion · 30/03/2013 12:52

I'm trying to imagine a world where I was rationed on crisps, I can't.

I've just scoffed some Hula Hoops and now I'm going to scoff some Monster Munch.

Why is it always 'scoffed'?

MammaTJ · 30/03/2013 12:57

He always says 'adjust your own oxygen mask first'. In his eyes he is more important. Thats what pisses me off.

This is not selfishness but common sense. You cannot help others if you are dead.

ParadiseChick · 30/03/2013 13:21
Bear

Pombear anyone?

StuntGirl · 30/03/2013 13:28

Don't be ridiculous polly.

Actually that goes for you too OP.

ParadiseChick · 30/03/2013 13:32

I must work 32 hours a day.

givemeaclue · 30/03/2013 13:41

Problem easily solved by purchasing additional crisps

orangeandlemons · 30/03/2013 13:47

Actually it does. We hardly ever had treats because we had no money, and everything was very tightly controlled. When we got them we would go mad for them. As a result of this I am out of control around treat type stuff. Several psychologists have made this connection not me.

CinnabarRed · 30/03/2013 14:07

I suspect the point is that if the OP bought more crisps then her DH would eat them all and there would still be no crisps for her poor DD.

uncongenial · 30/03/2013 14:12

Is it possible he is hungry? Are there any edible treats for the adults also? You're all managing to have adequate meals? Sorry if that comes across as rude.

I still don't think he should eat them, if that's all you have for your dc. However, I do think you need to reexamine your finances if you're so stretched.

bringbacksideburns · 30/03/2013 14:26

Can't be doing with people who post on AIBU and then get arsey with the replies and defensive, and come up with excuse after excuse after excuse...

The issue is money becuse it wouldn't niggle you quite so much if you had three variety packs in your cupboard would it? I would find a job to fit in with the hours your partner doesn't work and move out of the middle of nowhere or suck it up.

Waspie · 30/03/2013 14:38

I'd be pissed off (understatement) if DP ate my DS' only Easter egg. When a) he knew it was our son's egg and b) it was the only egg he had and had been rationed it to make it last longer.

I feel sorry for OP's DD whose own father thinks he's so much more important than her that he has the right to eat her [only] chocolate egg. Selfish git. YANBU OP.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 30/03/2013 14:40

But if you make a decision as a family that you will survive on the PT wage, by cutting out adult food treats, wine, yoga classes etc - then it isn't fair for DH to unilaterally go back on that. It's, er, having your cake and eating it (sorry Blush).

Maybe sit down with DH and go over family budget again and check he is still happy with current arrangement and not bitterly resentful as suggested above? I take it you are still OK with it, from your comments on here?

Eating the DC's Easter Egg that they were rationing out is just the act of an absolute arse though.

Laquitar · 30/03/2013 14:41

Well said bringback.

And i'd like to know if OP is allowed crisps herself.

uncongenial · 30/03/2013 14:44

I missed the Easter egg part. Though wonder why it was being eaten before Easter Sunday, by anybody

holidaysarenice · 30/03/2013 14:45

You are probably one of the few families I think deserve the bombshell of UC.

Sad that. Sadder you have savings (mentioned when asked how you'd manage a boiler replacement) but won't use a few measlt pence for crisps for your kids...

BookFairy · 30/03/2013 14:50

Re. Working Tax Credits: I am a single person earning £19,000 before tax (36hrs pw) and do not qualify.

The issue isn't money. The issue is that the H puts himself before his children.

dreamingofsun · 30/03/2013 15:13

bookfairy - perhaps in a moment of weakness and hunger he ate some chocolate and the crisps he didnt realise were already earmarked? maybe there was not much else to eat? One could argue that the mother is putting herself before her kids as she's not willing to work a few days a week whilst her husband can provide childcare

BookFairy · 30/03/2013 15:33

The OP can't create a job when there are none. She keeps saying that money isn't the main issue. She budgets to buy treats for the DC but if she doesn't hide said treats her DH will eat them, even when he knows they are for the DC. He works away 3 days a week and could stock up then if he wanted to.

RedHelenB · 30/03/2013 15:53

Hoiw can he if there is a strict budget!!??

dreamingofsun · 30/03/2013 18:17

so a packet of crisps is a 'treat'? OK if this is for health reasons...but we are talking finance here. how is a 0.30p thing a treat?

it sounds like she has only applied for one job. if she can manage to find places to volunteer in, it would suggest there may be paid employment around as well.

she sounds like a control freak to me...but that may just be the way she words her threads

why should the working husband 'stock up on food'. shouldn't food buying by part of a SAHM's job?