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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Running a hot bath. Why take the risk?

122 replies

Skiptomylou18 · 27/03/2013 12:58

Right. I am at my wits end. My partner always runs his bath with just the hot tap, then adds the cold at the last minute. We have a one year old and a three year old in the house. He says he keeps an eye on them but both children can open the bathroom door, and I think it is a risk just not worth taking. I have tried asking nicely, I have tried demanding, yesterday I was nearly in tears, but he refuses to be 'dictated to' over this. What am I to do?

OP posts:

CinnabarRed · 28/03/2013 01:42

I don't mean to piss you off Geoff, but I'm going to keep repeating the question until OP acknowledges it.

OP - why are you ignoring the risk of drowning?

And, BTW, if you can turn the thermostat down, what's to stop him turning it up again?

sashh · 28/03/2013 02:20

Next time he does this drop a couple of tomatoes in the hot water. (you might need to cut a bit of the skin first)

Ask him if he wants to see his children's skin do the same as the tomatoes.

MidnightMasquerader · 28/03/2013 03:28

I'm sure the OP can read, which is why it's odd that she keeps ignoring Cinnarbar.

lisianthus · 28/03/2013 05:21

OP acknowledged the drowning issue back at 13:25 yesterday - please stop having a go at her about this.

Her DP sounds very worrying and a little frightening, particularly as the OP says she doesn't like to push things as he gets "very, very angry". This is not the reaction of a loving husband or a good father who cares about his children's safety. He is the problem, not the OP

eatyourveg · 28/03/2013 07:52

Our bathroom is downstairs too and the stair gate was a two handed contraption which the dc never bothered trying to get through. If they needed the loo, they asked and I supervised. - Op would you feel willing/able to just go and buy a gate and set it up yourself so it was a fait accomplit or would that provoke your dh and create trouble?

Theas18 · 28/03/2013 08:46

Get a thermostatic tap. It's what we did and it's been absolutely fantastic. You get the heat of bath you want. No one is at risk (OK they may drown but they don't burn) and as the kids get bigger they run their own baths without problem.

It's a problem you don't actually NEED to have for the sake of a few quid

CinnabarRed · 28/03/2013 09:27

No, what she basically said at 13:25 was that drowning as a risk is too tricky to think about tackling, and in any case would take longer to happen than scalding. Which is an incorrect assumption because (i) drowning is silent; and (ii) can take as little as 10 seconds.

She can do something - but it necessarily involves taking these poor children out of this selfish man's care.

CinnabarRed · 28/03/2013 09:28

Unsupervised care, that should be.

TolliverGroat · 28/03/2013 09:37

Where in that post did she say that drowning as a risk was too tricky to think about tackling?

Although I agree that it's easy to think that drowning takes a lot longer than it actually does (which can be seconds). I suppose if you are positive that you are never ever going to be more than one second behind your child then you could overlook the drowning risk. But I think few of us could ever say that.

Original poster

Skiptomylou18 · 28/03/2013 10:10

Hi CinnabarRed. I appreciate your perseverance. It is obviously something you feel strongly about, for good reason! I have been thinking a lot about the drowning issue. I thought I was already very careful but I need to be more so. It is adding a whole other dimension to my concerns re dh.

OP posts:

KansasCityOctopus · 28/03/2013 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeWe · 28/03/2013 10:19

But if the bath is unattended for half an hour, the fact that it's hot may be hiding the problem. Surely if you're worried about them falling in, then the concern is they could drown in that time?

DeWe · 28/03/2013 10:21

Sorry, that'll teach me to read the thread first.

dreamingbohemian · 28/03/2013 10:28

I think it's sort of natural to worry about some dangers more than others, either because of personal experience or what have you.

For example, I worry a great deal about DS choking on his food or getting something wrapped around his neck... my DH has this huge worry about plastic bags.

But even when we think maybe the other person is being overcautious, we still go along with it, out of respect for their worries.

My point is that even if your husband thinks you are being overcautious, if he really respected you he would listen to what you have to say, not keep being so selfish and immature.

I think in the short term, you need to step up and protect your children, which means keeping an eye on when the bath is going and putting a lock on the door.

For the long term, you need to have a serious think about whether you can stay with someone so selfish. I can't imagine this is the only thing he does badly.

CinnabarRed · 28/03/2013 12:13

Thanks for coming back, OP. I'm greatly reassured that you're on the case. Best wishes to you and your DCs.

quoteunquote · 28/03/2013 13:21

www.cbtrust.org.uk/prevention/awareness/index.shtml

www.capt.org.uk/shop/too-hot-handle

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2007/oct/02/healthandwellbeing.features11

www.kidsafetas.com.au/uploads/pdf/home_safety/scalds.pdf

www.makingthelink.net/costs-bath-water-scalds

Please Just run a few inches of cold first, it saves lives, it's an extremely stupid not to. and as a bonus,it stops bathrooms steaming up, so less mould.

there was a grandmother a few years ago on TV making appeals for people to do just this, she started a campaign.

she let the TV cameras film her having to change the bandages daily on her grandson, who had fallen into a hot bath, and was burnt all over, he wasn't expected to live, the child was in daily agony, she was caring for him as his parents, who had run the bath were so wracked with guilt, could no longer cope with seeing him, one of the saddest stories I have ever seen, and I have never run a hot bath since.

MandragoraWurzelstock · 28/03/2013 13:31

is he their father? I mean, why are you with him? sorry if that's an upsetting q x

eatyourveg · 28/03/2013 17:13

would he take more notice if he heard it from a health visitor or some other professional?

LynetteScavo · 28/03/2013 17:18

A one year old could drown in a bath unattended, so the temperature of the water is not just the issue...running the bath while not watching the children is the issue.

If he wants to run a hot bath, (and I say this as someone who has a hot bath, or no bath at all) he needs to stay in the bath room while it's running.

LynetteScavo · 28/03/2013 17:19

Personally, I would turn of the tap and pull the plug if I found the bath left running hot, and him not there.

You want a bath, you guard your bath, mate.

cumfy · 28/03/2013 21:59

Would you really not trust him to use a lock ?

That doesn't sound great.

NumericalMum · 28/03/2013 22:06

I woudl turn down the thermostat. My DH has a massive scar where he had third degree burns about 33 years ago as a toddler. He ran the bath for himself and climbed in while his mother wasn't watching him. The photo she has of him as a toddler covered in bright red scabs is enough to make me shudder. He is very lucky that most of the scars went away over time but he has enough of them to warn me and my DC now she is older.

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