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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think parents of dc who go to activities most nights just don't know what else to do with thm

106 replies

SunsetMojito · 26/03/2013 16:32

I know 6 year olds who go to 3 dance classes, one music lesson, Rainbows and swimming lessons every week!

I think dc need some time to just be, or play out with their siblings or friends or hang out with their parents at home.

Dc don't need to do activities every day so I wonder if some of this need for dc to do productive, educational things stems from parents not knowing wtf else to do with them!

Thoughts?

OP posts:

nokidshere · 27/03/2013 08:21

My two do plenty of sobbing about in the winter months with the odd sports session here and there.

But the summer (April to sept) is taken up with their chosen sport! 2 nights a week playing, one night a week training, and matches both weekend days. Any free time we might have is used for yet more practice. They get home from school at 4, leave for the match/training at 5, and get home about 9:30. By the time they have had a shower it's bedtime around 10:30 - far too late on a schooldays in my opinion.

But they love their sport, are really good at it, have been playing since they were 5 years old (they are now 12 & 15) and one day want to play for England so who am I to stop their dreams?

nokidshere · 27/03/2013 08:22

Lol that should, of course say Slobbing...

JenaiMorris · 27/03/2013 08:43

Having watched two little girls sob their way around the ring every week because they fucking hated horses and hated riding, I suspect some of it is parental pushiness.

You are making a sweeping generalisation OP - there are lots of reasons why people fill every spare hour. Some understandable and others not so.

drummerswife · 27/03/2013 08:52

my dd's in year 3 she does
mon-brownies
tues-dance class followed by girls brigade
weds- nothing
thurs-homework club followed by swimming lesson
fri-nothing
sat-1.00-4.00- dancing [this include 45 minutes break inbetween classes]
sun-sunday school if she wants to go but some sundays she goes to grandparents
she loves doing activities and being an only child she gets to spend time with other children [who she doesn't go to school with].we still get to spend time together and i don't see the problem of spending an hour after school doing something she enjoys.i'd rather that then her spend the time in front of the tv/computer games.if ever she wanted to stop an activitity then she could.its her choice.

Acinonyx · 27/03/2013 08:58

Sport, music and performing arts are barely touched at school. If you really want to do any of those properly - you need extra classes. It snowballs very easily and you find your comfort zone. We're about to drop one of 4 classes - 3 seems to be good but any one of those can easily double up or more if training for badges/grades etc. I'm just glad that we're able to do this for her.

If she really wanted to do more I would try it it. It's up to her. You have to try a lot of things and see what they're good at.

LauraShigihara · 27/03/2013 09:19

I agree that sports aren't really covered well in a lot of schools.

Like a lot of places, we have deep water in our neighbourhood (in our case, The Sea) but the school barely teach the basics. The children have one term a year in the pool but it is constantly out of action in that term - the heater has broken, the supply teacher isn't happy to take them, summer play takes precedence for example and the upshot is, many kids only learn water confidence, rather than good swimming skills.

So the parents who are able to, ferry them to swimming lessons. And ditto other sports which aren't catered for in a busy school schedule.

Longdistance · 27/03/2013 09:24

It's a proven fact that children who do extra activities like dance, swimming, gymnastics do well at school.

Chandon · 27/03/2013 09:28

Well, most state schools don't offer much in terms of sport, or even swimming, so parents have to do it after school.

I find going to swimming lessons a chore, and can't wait for them to be proficient!

They do martial arts too, they are crazy about it, it was not MY idea.

Then they do blimming violin, my kids begged me to learn (WTF?!), so now we have that too.

If it was up to me, I would cancel the lot, and let them play on the WII and me on MN every afternoon.

I would say, actually, that parents who DON't take their kids to insane amounts of clubs are cruel and selfish. Waddaya think OP?!

CherylTrole · 27/03/2013 09:33

YANBU Especially in the extreme case I know of where the poor child has to go to something EVERY day. Now that is just stupid. However I also know that the childs mum is the instigator behind this and doesnt give a toss that the child does not want to go to half of these activities. The child has no say in this at all. Beggars belief.

Bonsoir · 27/03/2013 09:44

My DD has 7 activities on top of school, and none of them are at weekends. Plus she is at a bilingual school so has the extra burden of two sets of homework, reading etc. She is 8 and anxious for September when she will start Spanish (4 x 30 min per week extra). Some DC like being busy and doing/ learning a lot!

LauraShigihara · 27/03/2013 09:47

All my DS would do, given the chance, is play on a games console, so I don't feel guilty about after school activities

He struggled with friendships in the first few years at school, so clubs were a good chance to socialise in a structured environment. In fact, you would have loved us, op because he used to go to a different paid-for activity every night, plus we filled up his school holidays too. Ha!

He has two nights off a week now but still has a long drama group session at the weekend.

He loves doing it all - it helps with his confidence, and gives him out of school skills and he has made some great friends along the way. Better than being sprawled out in front of the telly or playing in the street.

wordfactory · 27/03/2013 09:52

I agree with the poster below who said DC should try lots of things.

And I'd go further and say that they should probably try as much as possible before their teen years.

By that age they're on the exam treadmill, spend more time socialising with friends, have a longer school day etc. Trying brand new things is far less easy. Indeed some sports clubs wont take beginners above a certain age.

HorryIsUpduffed · 27/03/2013 09:57

DS(4) does two clubs a week (swimming and football) and often a playdate as well, which feels like loads. But he is very little really and gets tired out by too much stimulation. He's still learning to be at school and needs the chance to "just play" for a bit each day.

imaginethat · 27/03/2013 09:59

Every day is nothing. I know children who go to 2 extra curricular activities a day. I would like to report that they are messed up but they are fabulous and talented and delightful.

Flobbadobs · 27/03/2013 10:02

I do see what you mean but sometimes it just snowballs!
DS has played cricket for ages, turns out he's rather good at it and is aiming for a try out at County level next year. So between winter nets, summer nets, district nets and matches (which will occasionally take him out of school) plus football which he doesn't want to give up yet he's covered for most of the week, especially after Easter when the junior season starts. Factor in the cost of kit and it is a very consuming activity but it comes with a social side which involves all of us.
DD1 is a Brownie and wants to do Ballet so we're currently looking for a class which does just ballet. This is actually harder than it seems, can find cheerleading, street dance, everything but sodding ballet!
They do get downtime which seems to be spent in pj's. some nights can come as a relief when I realise we have nothing on...

Hulababy · 27/03/2013 10:02

DD has had times where she has had a lot of activities after school. Nothing to do with me not knowing what to do with her though Far more to do with what DD's interests were at the time.

We have always still managed to have friends to play or DD goes to others and we have a lot of family time too.

We put restrictions on weekend activities, rather than evening activities. We are out and about a lot at weekends, so activities in the middle woud be too much of a hassle.

Ragwort · 27/03/2013 10:04

Who are these children who get tired out after school?

Hulababy · 27/03/2013 10:05

Ragwort - no idea; certainly wasn't ever DD!!!

LauraShigihara · 27/03/2013 10:08

God, no, DS is just warming up school...

LauraShigihara · 27/03/2013 10:09

Just warming up after school, free

LauraShigihara · 27/03/2013 10:11

Free? Free ? Damn you auto correct

princessj29 · 27/03/2013 10:15

My 5 year old does Rainbows on Monday, playdate/soft play and swim lesson on Tues, Gymnastics on Weds and two dance classes on a Thurs. On Friday we bake and watch a film and on Saturday morning she has another dance class. She is starting another dance class in September and also wants to start Beavers and rugby, though I'm not sure we'll have time to fit this in. My daughter is tireless and loves her activities, having friends at each activity etc. By saying 'people whose kids do activities don't know what to do with them' you're effectively saying they're lazy and so pay someone else to entertain their kids. However, they could just stay at home and stick their kid infront of the tv for free so that can't be the reason. Certainly it would be easier for me if DD didn't do activities as I do so much running round for them but she loves them and so I do it for her.

HorryIsUpduffed · 27/03/2013 10:23

Oh he isn't physically tired out by school, just mentally/emotionally. But then as I say he is only four.

On a swimming day he can't read his reading book. He can just about shovel in some tea and sit in the bath.

GooseyLoosey · 27/03/2013 10:32

My dcs have tried activites that they hated. They have given them up at the end of the term we paid for. The ones they do currently are ones they have asked to do and they won't give them up.

I think they do too much and we struggle to fit homework in sometimes but they are happy. They also spend a lot of time with their friends. They just don't spend much time watching the television. I think on balance that's a good thing. If they ever say they are too tired, they are always able to slob about at home.

WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes · 27/03/2013 10:35

I agree that primary school is the bet time to try lots of things, partly because there is less homework, partly because it is harder to start new things when your peers have been doing it for years. My DS is not a natural socialiser (he has AS) and doesn't have many playdates, he loves the structure and routine of his activities and they help with his friendships. We do lots of downtime at weekends and school holidays, just a half hour swimming lesson on Sunday evening.

I also remember growing up and only doing piano lessons (not much use for friendships) and Brownies/Guides (very uncool by teenage years). I was bored stiff as a teenager and used to just hang around the streets in the evenings with friends. The teenagers in my family (not my DCs yet) who seem the most confident and secure are those that have established sports and other hobbies and don't need to hang around bored.

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