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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think parents of dc who go to activities most nights just don't know what else to do with thm

106 replies

SunsetMojito · 26/03/2013 16:32

I know 6 year olds who go to 3 dance classes, one music lesson, Rainbows and swimming lessons every week!

I think dc need some time to just be, or play out with their siblings or friends or hang out with their parents at home.

Dc don't need to do activities every day so I wonder if some of this need for dc to do productive, educational things stems from parents not knowing wtf else to do with them!

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Maryz · 26/03/2013 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SunsetMojito · 26/03/2013 19:00

'Its not like kids can play out any more. Society doesn't support this.'

The kids on our street play out every night after school and a lot of the weekends. Surely our street can't be the only one.

OP posts:
Original poster
SunsetMojito · 26/03/2013 19:03

Thekidsrule you've made the point I was trying to make much better than I did.
Bit long for a thread title but spot on.

OP posts:
thekidsrule · 26/03/2013 19:10

op i get what you mean: Grin

LahleeMooloo · 26/03/2013 19:15

My seven year old does gymnastics, swimming, mixed sports once a week and football twice a week! It's all his choice, believe me. I'm a right lazy sod, I'd prefer just to hibernate at home doing nothing!

AngryFeet · 26/03/2013 19:23

No that is just silly. Kids do have minds of their own. I do make my kids have swimming lessons as I think they are important and have gotten them into Brownies and Beavers but if they hated those I would stop them. They also do the odd afterschool thing which is usually for half of a term and ranges from cookery to touch typing to gardening. So this half term we have had something every day. Next term it will be just 3 days of stuff.

I am perfectly able to entertain my kids without these clubs though!

FryOneFatManic · 26/03/2013 20:08

We have let the DCs decide they don't want to do many activities.

DD does Guides (1 night) and piano lessons (1 night), and DS does Cubs (1 night).

We did insist on them taking swimming lessons until they were competent enough. DS (the younger of the two) had his last lesson today.

If they ask to do another activity, we'll be happy to discuss it, but I won't be forcing them to do anything.

StayAwayFromTheEdge · 26/03/2013 20:12

I have three DSs

DS1 (8) does swimming, tennis and football and some after school clubs
DS2 (5) does swimming, tennis, football, ballet and gymnastics
DS3 (3) does swimming

DS1 is happy to do a few things, DS2 would fill every waking moment with sport given the chance and DS3 would rather do nothing at all.

They are all different and need different things - I would happily give it all up and stay at home!

MammaMedusa · 26/03/2013 20:24

I think it depends:

  • on the child - what do they enjoy, energy levels
  • where the clubs are - we live 5 minutes walk from the pool, can attend a lesson and be home in around an hour --> swimming is less onerous for us than some
  • what siblings are doing - if one is in the water, it is probably more fun for the other to be in there too... likewise for other activities

My kids had a club each directly after school today (at school) which ended at 4:30 pm. We were home just before five and have had time for a couple of board games, stories, DD did some painting, DS watched a cartoon, we had dinner, etc. They were both tucked up in bed by eight.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 26/03/2013 20:32

I didn't have the opportunity to do any extra curricular activities as my parents had no money. Therefore I will be giving my dc the chance to do whatever they want as long as we can afford it. We will show them what's out there and allow them to choose.

LaQueen · 26/03/2013 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

simplesusan · 26/03/2013 21:30

Depends. If the child wants to do the activity then why not?

Rather like adults. Some people do lts, others are quite happy to just chill.

I find it amusing when my friend asks me what I'm doing on Saturday nights. Usually chilling out in the house, unwinding, on Mumsnet etc. I don't have the desire to be out every Saturday night. I do plenty with my family and just want to relax.

Fairyegg · 26/03/2013 21:36

Ds (6) does something everyday apart from Monday. I tell him all the time that he doesn't have to do any of these activities (apart from swimming) but he always insists he wants to. Believe me I would much rather be at home watching tv / sitting on lap top but it's his choice.

Fairyegg · 26/03/2013 21:37

Besides most things he es are only for 45 mins / 1 hour and are all local. Still plenty of time for ds to relax and do his own thing before bed.

DumSpiroSpero · 26/03/2013 21:48

I can see where you're coming from OP.

My DD is 8.6 - she does piano & Brownies after school on a Tuesday which means she basically does an 11-12 hour day. On Thursday she has choir for an hour after school. She and DH are also season ticket holders to our local football club so she goes to matches every other week, more or less.

By the time we've factored in piano practise & homework (2-3 half hour tasks a week plus daily reading), and visiting my elderly parents for a few hours of a weekend, our downtime is pretty limited.

I have no idea how people with more activities and/or multiple children do it tbh.

Dereksmalls · 26/03/2013 21:58

My DD does loads, last count was up to 12 although some of these are lunch time. We'll rein it back sometime soon but at this age when homework demands are light, she's trying lots of things so she csherry an idea of what she does and doesn't like. DH and I both work full time so it's a struggle to fit it all in but it's not for ever. I agree with the importance of boredom btw.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 26/03/2013 22:03

My 3ds are all different, eldest plays rugby twice a week.
Middle ds plays football twice a week and tennis once.
Youngest isn't interested in any after school activity...only Lego and Moshi Monsters for him atm!

manicinsomniac · 26/03/2013 22:22

okay, I'll bite. I am like this.

I can't stand being in the house. It drives me crazy, I need to be out somewhere almost all the time. And I suppose I have influenced/brought up my children to be the same.

I work 2 nights a week so they stay at school but on the other nights and on Saturdays they do hours of gymnastics and performing arts. On Sundays we go to church and then always stay out doing something until the evening. In the holidays we are either at school so I can work (v large grounds, sports hall and swimming pool so they don't get bored) or out and about doing something anything

We just aren't sit in the house people and I admit that is entirely down to me.

intheshed · 26/03/2013 22:24

Well it depends on a lot of things- DD1 does football and swimming after school, and gymnastics on weekends. But the football is an after school club so finishes at 4.15 anyway, and the swimming lesson is 4-4.30 at the swimming pool at the end of our road. So it's not like she's out all evening!

She wants to start rainbows soon too, but I'm debating if it's too much, mainly because I feel sorry for DD2 who gets dragged around to pick up DD1.

DontCallMeBaby · 26/03/2013 22:40

How much downtime you need is as individual as how much you like to be out and about. DD needs less than me, she's more extroverted. So she gets time doing stuff with other people while I get downtime - my favourite is gymnastics, she hurls herself about for an hour while I sit in the pub over the road with a pot of tea and a book, it's bloody bliss, best hour of many weeks.

She loves it, would do more if allowed - I made her give up ballet when she wanted to start gymnastics, it was just too much.

She did tell me the other day that her friend's dad thinks it's "stupid" the amount of stuff she does. Angry I'm telling myself he probably snapped in response to her whining that she doesn't get to do this stuff ... and quite why she felt the need to report this back to DD, well, I guess you'd have to be an 8yo girl to answer that one.

Butkin · 27/03/2013 07:27

DD is uber competitive and likes being in all the school teams. Therefore she's very keen to do as many after school clubs (from finish of school at 345 to 445) as possible. She currently does netball twice a week and hockey once a week. We've stopped her doing 5 clubs a week after school (she did enjoy the cookery club and would like to do the athletics club) so she's got time to ride her ponies at home after school and of course she has homework to fit in. I think in most cases, certainly at our school from Yr 2 onwards, it is the kids persuading their parents to let them do clubs rather than the other way around.

wordfactory · 27/03/2013 07:33

OP, you had better hope that none of your DC turn out to be good at any sport. Because if they are, you will find yourself a few years down the line doing a lot of training sessions.

wordfactory · 27/03/2013 07:33

You had also better hope they can't sing or dance either Grin.

Wishihadabs · 27/03/2013 08:00

Well I do know one Mum like this her dcs do an activity every night. I prefer to do things a bit more adhoc and find having to be in the same place at the same time each week a total PITA (school is bad enough). Having said that I can't stand them staring at screens for hours on end and will do almost anything to prevent it.

Ragwort · 27/03/2013 08:12

Tend to agree with SimpleSusan - some people (children and adults) like to be busy, doing things, getting involved etc etc. My DS does quite a few activities, but we are with him at most of them as we are involved as volunteers; so its certainly not 'because we don't know what to do with him'.

As others have said, school ends at 3.30 - assuming bedtime is 7/8/9pm (depending on age of child) there is plenty of time for an activity/homework and 'down time'.

However as most 'down time' - for many adults and children seems to be staring at a screen for hours on end I am much happier that my DS is out and about playing a game of cricket (for example). The average person in the UK watches 4 hours of tv a day Shock.

I think developing social skills is incredibly important, as is being part of the community in which you live.