to think parents of dc who go to activities most nights just don't know what else to do with thm

[SunsetMojito]

I know 6 year olds who go to 3 dance classes, one music lesson, Rainbows and swimming lessons every week!

I think dc need some time to just be, or play out with their siblings or friends or hang out with their parents at home.

Dc don't need to do activities every day so I wonder if some of this need for dc to do productive, educational things stems from parents not knowing wtf else to do with them!

Thoughts?

You can do activities and still have 'do nowt' time. I'd never considered the fact that people might judge us on the number of after school activities DS does. Good thing I don't care.

What suits one child might not suit another. And, likewise, what works for one family wouldn't work for another. Each to their own.

Yabu. There are just so many activities out there and they soon mount up. Ds is only 3.10 but already does football and horse riding and is going to start swimming lessons too. He wouldn't want to give any up and soon there will be beavers, after school clubs etc on offer.

I certainly do know how to entertain him at home!

I know what to do with DD (21 months) but she loves classes and gets grumpy when she can't go. Should I stop her to suit you?

Most classes are 30 minutes long - even if you did 10 of them that's still a whole lot of child hanging around with parents

OP, if you had worded the thread title differently, then you would get more reasonable replies.

I have two dc, who do a lot of activities. Partly at their request, partly because it is good to go outside your comfort zone sometimes. And, partly because it is good to have a wide range of experiences.

But I also can think of plenty of things to do with them myself. And we have lots of down time.

The balance isn't always right, but it generally works for us.

YABU

My DS played one hour of sports per week and was then selected to play for the top team in scotland he now plays 2-3 hours 6 days a week he does it because he loves it, not because I don't have anything else to do with him. I would much rather have more time at home with him but he's happy doing what he loves and getting a great opportunity at the same time.

Kind of true for me, but I'm just not keen on the whole slobbing out in front of the TV/xbox thing, which is all some of mine seem to want to do. I quite like the routine of clubs. I am quite a 'joiner' myself though, so the kids get to 'join' stuff too. Some people seem happier chilling at home. I like that from 9pm onwards, but those hours from 3 to 9 are very very long!
Tbh, from your example, it's not that much surely? Even allowing an hour travel time it still leaves 3 hours an afternoon/evening for chilling out. Enough for anyone surely?

DD doesn't do so many classes (2y/o) but i like to take her to messy/tactile play (so i don't have to clean up!)
Dance class (as she loves prancing around with peers).
And swimming- because it's important for her to learn to swim.
She also has down time at home but if she said she was bored as she got older i would definitely encourage her to get involved in some classes. Ever thought it might be the kids choice and not just pushy parents?

My DSS who is 10 goes to football, rugby, cross country, cricket and tennis. All his choice. It can be annoying, we are always dropping him places!

If he didn't want to go we wouldn't make him, just like we don't moan as he wants to To iykwim

Perhaps they just want to encourage their children to try a variety of activites and to be active and mobile when they're young enough to benefit from it - most biological surveys indicate that humans develop motor skills related to balance and movement best at an early age - the relative inactivity of British children is why, despite our Olympic performance, grass roots level sports such as athletics have seen standards drop badly in the past thirty years.

Perhaps the parents are sporty/musical etc and hope their children will follow suit and gain years of enjoyment from it.

Both my DC do swimming, I think its a valuable life skill. DS does music, he's very talented and I am happy to nuture his natural talent. DS also does gymnastics, it helps with his balance and cootdination. DD does horse riding, she is pony mad and she does ballet, she loves dancing and it will help keep her supple.
I wish they didn't do all these things, its a lot of messing round, making sure they are there on time etc and it costs a lot of money. But I think all those things are invaluable.

Also I hope if I can find something that really focuses them then they might not want to spend their time after school on the park with a ten deck and a bottle of cider like I did.

I think it's important to strike a balance. It's just as important for children to be able to 'do nothing', so to speak than it is to do some structured things such as classes.
As great as going to classes is, I do think there should be days where they don't have to do anything.
Being bored forces you to think and use your imagination, and be able to amuse yourself without being 'told' what to do.
All a good life skill imo.

be guided by your kids, they are all different in my humble opinion

Agree.

Having said this, I think all children need some "down time" so it helps to strike a balance.

I think things are often parent led re clubs hence defensiveness of some here.
That is not to say that many children don't enjoy them- they clearly do.
However you do occasionally get the over pushed child re clubs in the same way as you get the child who would love to go to a club but maybe too expensive/ too far away or parents not interested in supporting it.

I always swore i woudlnt be one of these activity every night type of mums, but it did turn out that way - Mon - church activity night, tuesday - story based activity, Wed - street dance. Thurs - nothing, friday - swimming, saturday morning - irish dancing. I had to put a stop to it, DD was exhausted and grumpy, and also, if im honest i coudlnt afford all of these things.

Now she does one school based activity, roller hockey one evening and horse riding (which nanny pays for)/pony club on alternative weeks as every week is too expensive.

I think the thing is that there is just so much on offer and parents don't like to say no. Its not like kids can "play out" after school anymore, this is what i did, i played with the kids next door. Society just doesn't support that anymore.

I think it is a case of sauce for the goose etc, but i do know mums who push push push their little darlings and i don't agree with that, i know one child who has activities every night and three on a saturday, plus horse riding - she must never get any TIME to be bored. This is definately an incident of it being all about the mother though, i feel quite sorry for the child.

Forgot to say, my ds does 3 classes a week - football, cubs and swimming.
The other 4 days he has off, I think that's more than enough.

It depends on the DC. One mum said to me, 'Why do we do this to them, dragging them round all these clubs when half the time they're crying saying they don't want to go.' I was stunned. We get the opposite. DS1 sulks because I don't let him do two clubs a night. My DC have lots of energy in the evenings and have always been really keen on the clubs they do. Every time I try to suggest dropping one they look horrified. But we have it easy. They're close in age, both boys, and do the same stuff. I do know families that spend their lives in cars shunting from one club to the next, with younger DC sitting endlessly waiting in the wings. I don't take them anywhere we can't walk to as I have no intention of being a taxi in later years.
If you go to nearby clubs, it's only 1-1.5 hours out of the evening, so they get their hours and hours of milling round getting bored, being daft playing duvet potholing or tickle tournaments and watching TV.

Oh I did activities most nights plus two on a Saturday for years. Loved them.

When I was at junior school I had activities two or three nights a week plus riding and then art class on a Saturday. In secondary school I dropped horse riding and art on a Saturday and mainly played sport. Netball a couple of nights a week or other sports in the summer, dyslexia lessons after school on thirsdays, dry ski slope on Fridays, more netball on a Saturday. My poor mum driving me around to all those activities.

Sometimes you don't have much of a choice. We very deliberately didn't encourage ds to get involved in too many things.

However, he is 12 now and has developed twin passions which are taking up his evenings. He's played rugby since he was in P1 - that now takes up Wednesdays and Sundays (and possibly a Friday night and/or Saturday afternoon if he wants to ball boy). 2 years ago he was inspired by the Tour de France and a year ago he got seriously into cycle racing ( not helped by the super duper new velodrome opening in Glasgow) so Mondays are now roller training, Fridays are drop-in sessions at the velodrome and Saturdays and Sundays are races (if they don't conflict with rugby games ).

This is before he starts doing athletics on Thursday afternoons at school club (which he wants to do when it starts after the Easter holidays).

My two love their activities but still get plenty of down time at weekends and straight after school (only one activity starts earlier than 5.15, we're home from school by 3.30). It's me that finds it tiring, but we do nearly all the journeys on foot so they will be able to do it on their own in a few years. They don't have to do too much waiting around either, we either stay if there other DCs to play with or just come home again. We are lucky that school, scout and guide huts and sports centre are all within 10 mins walk of the house.

DD has 2 hours at home before her weekly Brownies to chill out, 1 hr30 minutes at home before swimming (which is with grandparents(grandad a swimming teacher) and 3 families off our street but it is every week),. That's all she does other than knitting and gardening at school lunch times-she asked to do those.She also has a monthly nature club on a saturday.

So kids might have lots of time at night even with activities that night.

My 2 boys do the same swimming and scouts/beavers as dd and a football club.
It does mean I'm ferrying about because of things on different nights, but the individual kids have at least 4 nights free a week.

However, I have seen the odd parent using activity as childcare-child miserable at activity they don't like, also seen parents of both sexes go quite odd over football/rugby -like they're living their childhood dreams through child or they think it's their job to scream from the sidelines whilst child cringes on the pitch-most odd.

Classes for preschoolers are often for parents to get out of the house and socialize as much as it is for the child to do the activity-can't see the problem with that.

SunsetMojito - yes, YABU - purely and simply because you have made a sweeping generalisation with no evidence whatsoever to back it up.

^^ this!

agree somewhat

couple a week fine

every spare minute not fine

i know of a mother that really cant handle being in the house with her dd,and i dont think she can cope without something planned

half the trouble is imho is that as a toddler she was always out with her dd and then on the rare time they were at home the child complained she was bored as she wasnt use to her making her own entertainment

me on the other hand am a lazy cow where thats concerned its not unusual in holidays etc for the kid to spend a couple of days at home in pj's messing about,garden etc its fab

though its easier now as i have 2 teenagers so they can choose if they go out or not now by themselves/mates

but the 6yr old is great at home but he is very easy going,maybe different if he was more high need i suppose and he has older brothers that enjoy him,so win win here