Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be asked this everytime I see her (bf related)

118 replies

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 25/03/2013 10:49

Everytime I walk into dp's mothers house with my 3 month old ds: 'Are you still breastfeeding?' Cue awkward 'Um, well yes..'

It's just getting boring now as she's done it everytime from the first visit. She also holds him and talks to him, but directing it at me, saying things like, 'when are you going to start aptimil?' Hmm

I feel like bf has gone really smoothly for me and ds and all I get is people trying to stop me :(. Even dp yesterday said he looks to big to still be doing it!

My mum and sister also say to give him a bottle before bed and he will be happier. He's very happy thank you!

I don't expect a well done or a pat on the back but this is just pissing me off now. Rant over.

OP posts:
TanteRose · 25/03/2013 10:52

tell them that medical advice is to breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months.

it is so rude to keep on at you Angry

especially as its going so well - good for you!

just ignore or say that yes, you will continue as long as you and your baby are happy.

no-one else's happiness is important, really

stick to your guns Smile

Tailtwister · 25/03/2013 10:54

YANBU, it's really annoying when people do this.

Do you have an idea about how long you plan to breastfeed for? I just used to say that I planned to bf for at least X time based on X, Y & Z (if you want to give a reason at all). I found that worked for people who regularly pestered me about it.

EldritchCleavage · 25/03/2013 10:54

Too big at 3 months? Are these people mad? Do it as long as possibly you can. Apart from anything else, continuing to do it is clearly the best way of winding up your interfering MIL.

kinkyfuckery · 25/03/2013 10:56

YANBU.

You better toughen up a bit though. You have years ahead of you with people commenting on your parenting choices.

edwardsmum11 · 25/03/2013 10:56

Yanbu, I have to admit I once told my mil it was none of her business with a similar question.

KirstyJC · 25/03/2013 10:56

Tell them the reason he is so big now is thanks you breastfeeding going so well, so why on earth would you stop?

wanderingcloud · 25/03/2013 10:56

YANBU it's something that you can't win either way though, if you did stop bfing, you would simply swap one set of judgements for another as there would be others who question you're going against current guidelines! Try and ignore all outside influences and do what is right for you and your DS!

PacificDogwood · 25/03/2013 10:57

"Are you still BFing him?"
"Are you still asking about?" said with a big, bright smile, sounding all breezy Grin.

You go, girl!
Too old at 3 months - they must be kidding!

Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 25/03/2013 10:57

Thank you Tante. It just makes me feel awkward and embarrassed when it comes time to feed him (which is quite often!).

Dp isn't keen on me doing it in public when I'm with him so I have to use a blanket to really cover up (I don't do this when I'm on my own)

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 25/03/2013 10:58

"Are you still asking about it?" - Dammit, good passive-aggressiveness works so much better if half-coherent... Blush

Softlysoftly · 25/03/2013 10:58

Too big at 3 months??? God they'd hate my 10 month old then Blush.

Just say yes and whop a boob out, fuck them.

TanteRose · 25/03/2013 10:59

to be honest, I would stop going round there so much , if I were you...

Dannilion · 25/03/2013 11:00

Have you told them about the current guidelines?

DP would be getting an earful if he made me feel uncomfortable BF'ing in public. Boobs are made for feeding babies, there's nothing to be ashamed of other than your DP's and his families attitude.

PacificDogwood · 25/03/2013 11:01

IME not giving any kind of explanation and not being defensive about your feeding/weaning/sleeping/any other parenting choice works best and will wind you up least.

I also found useful "thank you for your advice/your story on how you did it. This is working for us just now, so we'll be carrying on."

Stuff your MiL, she had her go at childrearing, now it's your turn and your choices. You might have your work cut out with keeping your DH on side though...

Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 25/03/2013 11:01

Sorry xposts with everyone :) thank you for replies. He's doing really well, 13lbs now! I'm proud of myself anyway.

Kinky - my sister said the same.

I am very confident so will always say, yes I am and he's doing very well and gaining excellent weight. Annoys me that I have to get that question everytime I go round before I've even taken my shoes off! I wish dp would say something to her but he never does

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 25/03/2013 11:02

DP, sorry, I should read your posts properly before I post

Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 25/03/2013 11:02

I like that answer Pacific

OP posts:
Softlysoftly · 25/03/2013 11:03

Do not cover up for DP how controlling!

You really do need to learn to block out this rubbish like white noise, next it will be:

"isn't he crawling yet?"

"why is he still in nappies"

"Shouldn't he be in his own room"

"Why is he wasting his time going travelling, haven't you made him go to uni?"

"I hardly think that girls suitable to marry, she used to be a stripper"

Ad infinitum.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 25/03/2013 11:03

What about walking in and saying "YES! I am still breastfeeding him." before she has a chance to say anything. Grin

or saying "why are you so interested in how I feed my baby?"

or "No. Nowadays I make him steak and chips."

Or "why do you always ask me that? I want to continue breast feeding and that's not going to change."

Or "Isn't it a sad state of affairs when someone who wants to breast feed and is able to breast feed is bullied by her relatives into swapping to a powder?"

I would be hopping mad by now and going for the jugular!

You have to forget awkwardness. She's being pig ignorant and needs telling.

HumphreyCobbler · 25/03/2013 11:03

the only answer to this, and one I have used with great success is

"Yes I am. Isn't it FANTASTIC! I am so proud I have got this far"

all said with a big grin. It shuts up any further discussion.

I was using it past a year though, I can't believe they are hassling you at 3 months!

sue52 · 25/03/2013 11:04

Tell your DH to get his Mother to back off. Your boobs, your baby and none of her business really.

EldritchCleavage · 25/03/2013 11:05

Is your DP a bit of a tit (fnarr fnarr)?

Original poster
GirlWiththeLionHeart · 25/03/2013 11:06

Hec and Humphrey Grin love it! Thank you. I'm well armed for next time and will definitely say something like that

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 25/03/2013 11:07

Humphrey's approach is much better, actually - not passive-agressive, effective, does not invite a fight and will shut her up

SnowHOHOboarder · 25/03/2013 11:07

My ILs and even my parents were like this from when DS was about 3 months. I just said "I'm trying to do what's best for him and since DH has asthma and excema I'm trying to help protect DS from similar allergies." DS is still EBF now at 9 months. I don't need to feed him as much now he's fully weaned but I'm not going to stop altogether until he and I feel ready. It's no one else's business how I feed my child as far as I'm concerned!