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AIBU?

To not want to be asked this everytime I see her (bf related)

118 replies

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 25/03/2013 10:49

Everytime I walk into dp's mothers house with my 3 month old ds: 'Are you still breastfeeding?' Cue awkward 'Um, well yes..'

It's just getting boring now as she's done it everytime from the first visit. She also holds him and talks to him, but directing it at me, saying things like, 'when are you going to start aptimil?'

I feel like bf has gone really smoothly for me and ds and all I get is people trying to stop me :(. Even dp yesterday said he looks to big to still be doing it!

My mum and sister also say to give him a bottle before bed and he will be happier. He's very happy thank you!

I don't expect a well done or a pat on the back but this is just pissing me off now. Rant over.

OP posts:

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DontmindifIdo · 25/03/2013 11:43

I'd go with "why on earth would I want to faff about with steralising and washing bottles and carting them about, plus wasting money on powdered milk when I've got it free and clean whenever DC needs it from my boobs? Of course formula will do for mums who can't breast feed, but if you can, I don't understand why anyone would stop - lord, life with a baby is hard enough without adding extra cleaning and expense in!" delivered with a killer smile.

Any other comments after that, "oh no, I much prefer making life as easy as possible for us, formula feeding seems like hard work."

RemindMeWhatSleepIs · 25/03/2013 11:45

I read somewhere that the definition of extended breastfeeding is any number of days/weeks/months/years longer than your MIL breastfed for!!

I fed my DD till she stopped herself at 18 months. My DS is 11 months and MIL has been desperate for him to "reject me" since about 4 months. She comes in the room when I'm feeding and is as loud as she can be or rattles toys to get DS's attention then when he turns round to look she gets all excited and says "oh look he's rejecting you already, won't be breastfeeding much longer!"

Ignore anyone who isn't supportive.

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 25/03/2013 11:47

Pacific :( how sad for your dm. Awful. I'm sure she was very happy you got to bf.

Waffly that made me not to sound rude but she's not very 'with it' so any bf literature would go straight over her head. I think a direct approach would work best for her.

I think the suggestion that people want their own choices validated is spot on.

She had DP very young, 16, and basically turned up on the fathers doorstep with DP at a week old and said 'this is for you' :( she then wanted him back after a month or so but has always been abusive, physically and emotionally to him. It angers me that someone who did that to her child can question me and tells me how to raise him (not just about bf).

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GirlWiththeLionHeart · 25/03/2013 11:48

Remind

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Thumbwitch · 25/03/2013 11:48

Girlwith, you should tell them that! Just say something like "Yes I am, it's great, we're both doing so well with it that I doubt we'll stop for at least a year!" That'll give you some time - and then you can have another reason.

My DH started twittering at me around the 6m mark with DS1 about when I would be stopping - the first time I told him I'd be doing it for at least a year. So when the year was up, he started again - I said I didn't see any need to stop just yet. Then when DS1 was 18mo, we packed the house up and sent everything to Australia in preparation for our emigration - I told DH we weren't stopping in the awkward transition phase. That kept him quiet until we moved into our house in Aus, when DS1 was about 21mo. When he was 23mo, it suddenly started to feel a little awkward, and we stopped over 3 nights - we had just run our course by then.

I plan to do EXACTLY the same with DS2 (if my nipples/ boobs can stand it - I'm having a few issues with him though!) :)

RemindMeWhatSleepIs · 25/03/2013 11:51

I don't think you can know in advance how long you want to breastfeed for. Surely it's as long as you are both happy breastfeeding? Whenever that may be.

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 25/03/2013 11:51

It's crap you had to do that though Thumbwitch explain why and how long you will be feeding your child I can see myself losing my rag very quickly if DP asks me.

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Sallyingforth · 25/03/2013 11:51

In that situation my answer would be "Yes, we do it much better now that in your day"

fancyanother · 25/03/2013 11:51

My mother was like this when I was BF. Once I heard her talking to him(a 3 month old) loudly enough for me to hear and said 'Tell mummy to give you some proper food'!!! I told her to go home!

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 25/03/2013 11:52

Exactly Remind so I think I will use the 'however long ds wants to' approach

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minouminou · 25/03/2013 11:54

Ok....I bf-d both kids until they were 2.5 (DS) and almost 3 (DD).
Feeding a just-turned two DD at a local school event, when a friend asked, outraged: Are you STILL brrrrrreastfeeding her? Hiw old us she now?

Me: Old enough to make her own mind up, so butt out.

Also, DS has long hair, always has (well, after a while, anyway....).

Friend of friend, for the dozenth time: When are you going to get his hair cut, you meanie.

Me: Shall we set up an email alert?

Silence.

Thumbwitch · 25/03/2013 11:55

Oh DH wasn't too bad - he didn't bang on about it too often, just had the occasional whinge about not wanting DS1 to be still doing it when he was past 2 - but if DS1 had wanted to continue and we'd still felt comfortable, we would have gone past 2 as well!

In fairness to him, he accepted my reasoning every time - he occasionally "forgot" and had to be reminded - but he never made a big issue about it. Just as well!

He tried to make an issue about potty training when Ds1 was 2 as well - I told him if he was that keen to get DS1 potty-trained then he was welcome to do it himself. That soon shut him up as well!

EauRouge · 25/03/2013 11:57

That's so sad that you're being pressured to stop already :( And when you are both enjoying it so much too! It took me a long while to build up my confidence, I surrounded myself with supportive people and now anyone that dares to criticise my parenting is soundly told to fuck off.

Is there a breastfeeding group near you that you can go to? They are ace for building confidence.

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 25/03/2013 11:57

That sounds like my DP, doesn't bang on about it at all but I can see him bringing it up at 6 months.

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EldritchCleavage · 25/03/2013 12:03

God, it's so bloody sad people have to be so snarky to new mothers. Thanks to you (and her DP) your MIL has a lovely little grandchild. Why can't she just relax and enjoy the fact you're doing all the hard work and she gets to snuggle and play? Sad and weird.

Thumbwitch · 25/03/2013 12:07

You can always quote the WHO at them: www.who.int/nutrition/topics/infantfeeding_recommendation/en/index.html

Yfronts · 25/03/2013 12:15

The recommendation is 6 months but the world health organisation say 2 years.

Can you just say 'feeding isn't up for discussion' or blatantly ignore them?

I BF all mine till they were 18 months.

Yfronts · 25/03/2013 12:18

''Why would I ant to formula feed when breast is best? Everyone knows that''

Pendipidy · 25/03/2013 12:20

Ask her, what do you think breasts are for?, that Will shut her up!

EauRouge · 25/03/2013 13:04

The 6 months thing is exclusive breastfeeding, ie nothing but breastmilk. No one recommends breastfeeding for only 6 months, the NHS recommends to carry on alongside solid food, I think the exact wording is 'as long as desired'- the WHO recommends until the age of 2 and beyond. It could be explained a lot better by the NHS.

Nanny0gg · 25/03/2013 13:59

When I had my DC many years ago I was the first person in my family to bf. I had no intention of shutting myself off in another room or sitting under a blanket.
Apart from always averting his eyes, my very old-fashioned DF got used to it and the rest of the family coped.
So tell your silly DH to mind his own business and do it how you want, where you want for as long as you want!

MajaBiene · 25/03/2013 14:05

I would behave as if it's a compliment:
"Are you still breastfeeding him?"
"Oh, yes, thanks! His health and happiness is so important to me, I'm so proud to be giving him the best possible start - lovely of you to mention it!"

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PureQuintessence · 25/03/2013 14:08

Why do you keep visiting his mum so much?

Find other ways to spend your time so she wont have the pleasure of putting you down so much!

RenterNomad · 25/03/2013 14:46

There are some really crazy and mean people around, aren't there?

If the fathers and rellies want a "go" or some "bonding time with the baby, why don't they try changing nappies? I've always found the changing table a brilliant time and place for interaction and bonding. We work in a bit of singing, some blowing of raspberries, and the baby's seeing me as someone who alleviates discomfort. 'Course, it's smellier and less photogenic, so less "rewarding" for the adult, but bonding isn't one-sided...

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 25/03/2013 15:00

Erm me and dp visit her every fortnight or so, Pure. I spend my time well thank you!

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