To tell my mother... ADVICE NEEDED :(

[GoldenSilence]

Hi..
I'm knew to this, but really need some advice.

I'm 19 and currently live at home with my parents, last night I happened to walk past the computer while my dad was logged on (He'd left it to nip upstairs). I don't know why, but I happened to glance at the screen and saw a conversation he was having, with another woman, on FaceBook.

I have no idea who this woman was, her name wasn't known to me, and it deffo wasn't my mum, whom he's been married to for nearly 21 years.

I think I've been suspicious of what he's been doing on the computer for a while, there's a lot of quick screen changes ect when you enter the room, and he spends the majority of his time outside of work on there.

However, I never expected them to be true, I'm quite an anxious person, but what I saw last night has really shocked me, from the small part of conversation, My DF told this woman he loved her and brb, the woman replied with you too, to which my dad had answered with 'nooooooo' so she replied, "oh, love you more

Seems very careless of him to nip upstairs and leave the computer logged on like that.

Tell your dad that you know and give him the chance to stop being an utter dick?

im sorry you had to see that. What a bastard. You have to tell your mum :(

Well, since you've "just happened" to walk past and glance at the screen perhaps you'd better speak to your father whether you want to or not.

I think you need to tell your mum too. It's not fair to carry this all on your shoulders

Oh dear. I'd ask him directly and see what he says. If he admits what you think is true, then you can persuade him to tell your mother. If he avoids answering or gives you a tall-tale, then tell him you don't believe him and that you will talk to your mother. But then again, your mother may not believe you, or take your father's side.

Ultimately their relationship is their own. You never know what sort or 'agreements' they may have in place. If you don't get the responses you are looking for, then it is best to leave it and let them sort it out themselves.

Oh dear. I'm so sorry this is happening and I know what it is like to be in the middle of parental marital problems. It's very caring of you to think about your brother too.

I think I'd tell my dad what I had seen. I don't think I'd tell my mum because if you do that you really are positioning yourself between them and that is too great a burden for a young person still living at home to take on.

I agree with DoeEyedBeauties last paragraph too

I agree with DoeEyedBeauties last paragraph too

So do I.

Also

you may get some people on here telling you it is none of your business etc, but I want to say that inevitably you will have strong feelings about it, and about him, and it's good to be able to express them without necessarily doing anything about it. I think that when a parent betrays their spouse, it can feel like a betrayal of us.

Did you confront your dad at the time? If so, what did he say/do?

What a twat to dump this on you, I don't think you should have to put up with the stress of having to tell your mum, your dad will have to tell her himself.

Tell him you know and that you'll do it if he doesn't, but it'll have to be really soon because you don't want to be in the situation where your mum thinks you knew but didn't say anything.

24 hours would be a reasonable time IMO.

... I mean express your feelings on here, or to a trusted person in RL

This was a conversation he was having in a room used by others in your home and yet he went upstairs leaving the computer logged into Facebook, knowing you were in the house and may see it? Yet normally he minimises the screen etc whenever anyone enters the room. Strange.

Such a bizzare thing to do if you're cheating on your wife and are trying not to get caught out don't you think?

Anyway, if you're seriously worried then ask him about it.

Talk to your dad.

Are you there OP?

Thanks for the fast replies..

I hadn't managed to even think about talking to my dad as an option yet. Does anyone know of a way of me asking, I wouldn't know how to even bring something like this up without turning into a wreck and not getting a word out? ):

And yes, I totally agree it's their relationship.. and I think I'm willing to leave it afterwords, I just don't want to be carrying this round, which I know is selfish, but I've not even been able to look at my dad today, and he's on the computer again know and I'm actually kind of scared about what could be going on right now, if that makes sense?

Also, I know him not closing it seems weird, but the only reason to go in that room would be to go outside, everyone was already upstairs and it was very late.. I'd say around 2am? So maybe he wouldn't think he'd need to? I don't know though. I'd not thought of that either.. my minds abit scrambled tbh.

Relationships is --->>>>>>>>>>>>> that way. Or

Next time you see him on the computer make a joke like 'talking to your mistress again ? See how he reacts. Then ask him directly.

Oh Dearie

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Don't be so bossy Jamie

And telling the OP she's in the wrong place isn't bossy?