To tell my mother... ADVICE NEEDED :(

[GoldenSilence]

Hi..
I'm knew to this, but really need some advice.

I'm 19 and currently live at home with my parents, last night I happened to walk past the computer while my dad was logged on (He'd left it to nip upstairs). I don't know why, but I happened to glance at the screen and saw a conversation he was having, with another woman, on FaceBook.

I have no idea who this woman was, her name wasn't known to me, and it deffo wasn't my mum, whom he's been married to for nearly 21 years.

I think I've been suspicious of what he's been doing on the computer for a while, there's a lot of quick screen changes ect when you enter the room, and he spends the majority of his time outside of work on there.

However, I never expected them to be true, I'm quite an anxious person, but what I saw last night has really shocked me, from the small part of conversation, My DF told this woman he loved her and brb, the woman replied with you too, to which my dad had answered with 'nooooooo' so she replied, "oh, love you more

Well what grabs my focus is up to me Hilda

I'm sure the OP is capable of answering for herself?

Absolutely none of your business and at least have the decency to admit you were snooping. If you don't agree with what's going on, move out.

And how do you know your mother doesn't already know?

As indeed she has.

They have a shed with biscuits and drinks in it.

m.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/05/mariella-frostrup-father-online-sex

You have to keep your food in a shed? :( It was freezing last night you poor thing.

I think this thing with your dad is the least of your problems :( :( :(

I am sorry you found that, Golden. What a horrible position you are in.

I think I would email dad if you can't face having the conversation. How is your relationship with your mother? I am very close to my mum so personally I would go to her and tell her what I found and let her deal with the rest, but not knowing your relationship with your parents it is hard to say what the best way of going about it is.

It is quite possible that your mother is already aware.

I wish you a lot of luck and please ignore some of the snotty replies which are quite frankly, odd.

Numberlock - I'm aware of that, and I honestly don't even know why I did look, I wouldn't normally and I'm pretty annoyed at myself for doing so.
I of course don't know if my mum does know, but I wont know unless I ask.. which is half of the problem in it's self really.
And I would love to move out and not be dependent on my parents like this, but being a student, that is far more easier said than done..

HotCrossNaanAndRessurectiOn - Did that really sound bad (Or is sarcasm not translating on here. sorry?) But it's because they buy in bulk from costco ect, more to do with space and the freezer that is kept there... that's not a problem at all really.. :')

So, as your Dad was going to the loo at 2am, you were making your way out of the house to get a drink and biccies from the shed. You glanced at the PC and noticed the chat as it was in super-large text as he has bad eyesight.

No wonder you're in shock. I am too. :( :( :(

Bit harsh, Numberlock!

OP, horrible situation to be in. I'm not really sure what I'd do, tbh. My instinct says tell, but how?

Numberlock.. I would consider it my business if my father was cheating on my mother.

Ah!

I may have had a light bulb moment... I think

Ok, I honestly do understand that me looking was bad, I feel awful.. and trust me, I would undo it all if I could. But I can't, and now I don't know what to do about what I did see.

Samu2 - Thankyou.. I'm close to my mum at times, but I'm not very good with talking to people, especially about something like this, I can picture myself just crying and not getting the words out, purely because I've jumped to the worst conclusions. I think I'm leaning towards the e-mail.. in a letting him know I know type of way, I don't want to be issuing out orders about him telling her, especially as I don't know what my mum knows.. but then I might be palmed off, or left uncertain. :/

How you found out doesn't' so.show detract that what he is doing so Don't feel bad.

And you've thought through the consequences of telling her? Really?

I'm definitely missing something here... .

Is your mum a mner?

Why yes, TSC.

Biscuits and drinks at night are dreadfully bad.

Excellent point Trampy

This happened to my ex boyfriend when we were together - it is an awful situation to be in.

Your Dad can easily fall into an emotional affair - but it doesn't mean he doesn't love your mother very much. But it can feel a very long life with one person, and sometimes new is exciting.

I certainly wouldn't tell your Mum, your Dad finding out you know will almost certainly be enough to calm his behaviour right down.

Tell him you're worried about you all as a family and that you want to leave him to think things over for a week. Then in a week's time, go back and ask him what he intends to do, does he intend to change and if he does, how? Ask if you can help in any way, he might need a bit of support if he wants to stop his "hobby" of MMORPs or whatever it is he spends his time on.

I've done nothing but think of what telling my mum would do, not just to her but my brother as well. That's why I came to get an adults opinion of would they want to know, or what would they do.

No, as far as I'm aware my mum would not be on here, I can't see her being anyway, I wouldn't think it was her thing really, she doesn't really use the computer, I obviously don't know for sure though.

I don't really know why people have taken it upon themselves to post things that really aren't helpful right now.. I've been thinking this over all day, all I wanted was a second opinion really, not people to pick holes in what happened, because I know looking was wrong.

Thankyou to the people who suggested what I should do, I'm leaning towards asking my dad why he was telling someone on FB he loved them, probably in a casual way. I'll consider telling my mother on his reply.
Thankyou for your help.