To refuse pre-implantation genetic diagnosis

[Emmon]

My husband is totally blind due to a hereditary eye condition. His father, brother and nephew are also blind. He has a 50/50 chance of passing this on to children.

We already have a toddler who has perfect vision and although he could potentially go blind in the future specialists have said it is highly likely he has not got the disorder.

Now my husband wants child number 2 although I have strong reservations about this. This does not really relate to the chance of blindness, it is more that I have bipolar and there is a 50-90% chance of a relapse. As I run 2 businesses I cannot have any maternity leave and if I was placed in a psych unit for a few months my businesses could well go down the pan.

Anyway the doctors are giving us all these possibilities which to be honest is making things worse. The first chance is testing using amniocentesis and a late stage abortion if it is +ve. The idea of this absolutely sickens me and I am disgusted the doctors are glibly offering it. I practiced as a doctor for 8 years and naively thought my job was about preserving life and alleviating suffering. The next option, which I originally thought was feasible was producing 10 embryos with IVF and then testing them and discarding the unhealthy ones. It costs £9K per cycle with a 40% chance of a pregnancy. Of the normal ones some would be frozen and one implanted. The more I consider this the more I think it has come out of the plot line from Frankenstein. I know some people dismiss these as "clumps of cells" but I am not sure I agree with that. As a disabled person myself the idea a disabled child has less right to life than a healthy one is something I am very uncomfortable with. I also have religious views but do not want to discuss then really.

The other 2 options are just conceiving a child naturally, or my preferred option, not conceiving any child whatsoever.

Please give noon-judgmental advice. I do not know what to do.

I think the issue is more about your DH pressuring you into a baby that you don't want and that may adversely affect your health than the question of whether or not the baby would be disabled. Are you able to have a frank discussion with him about it and make it very clear that you are not going to have another one and you don't want to be pressured into it?

OP.

I have read this and your other threads, you are clearly a remarkably intelligent woman. I don't understand why you are posting a question about something that you already know the answer to.

I am not sure that it is a good idea for you to post your more complex problems on Mumsnet. Do you think you benefit from people's responses? I am sure everyone wishes you well but your situation is very complex and I am not sure that the way you phrase and respond to posts elicits helpful advice. (As you can see from some of the posts)

I would concentrate on looking after your son, your husband and yourself. I know you are self confessed workaholic but try and put as much energy into making you and your families world a happy and healthy place. You won't regret it.

I wish you all the very best for the future.

She certainly has had a varied, shall we say, life, Failedhippy.

Failedhippy - people with bipolar can be quite black and white and idealistic about things, I think it is part of the condition.

apple what do you base this blanket statement on?

Why do people think it is ok to make assumptions about personality just because someone has said they have a mental health prob?

OP if you don't want another don't. But don't look for salvation on AIBU.

It is a pit of vipers

Can we remind you all of the Talk guidelines please?

It's 'nest of vipers'.

I seriously think that the OP should not have another child. All MH and genetic issues aside, she said in her first post that she doesn't want one for a start. Why go through all that potential heart ache and angst for a baby you don't want? Even if that is how it was with the first as well. 2 children is a lot more challenging than 1.

idiuntno57 - yes I realised it probably wasn't that helpful after I posted, although it is based on personal experience of more than one friends/family members but I shouldn't have stated it in such general terms. I was just trying to make the point that being a doctor and having strong views on abortion/IVF are not necessarily contradictory and the bipolar disorder may or may not help to explain that.

OP doesn't want to have another child.
OP's DH sounds as if he doesn't want to look after another child reagardless of whether he would love to have another child.

OP has a high chance of passing on her condition to her child, and a very high chance of her condition adversely affecting her children if/when she finds herself hospitalised.

OP's husband has a high chance of passing on his condition (which doesn't limit his life, but might make a big difference to someone who was also bipolar)

OP doesn't want to screen for genetic conditon or to use IVF due to moral beliefs.

OP doesn't want to have another child
Everything else is irrelevant

OP shouldn't therefore have another child.

Perhaps you and your husband could concentrate on paying better attention to raising the child you already have,than to even consider bringing another little person into the mix?

Nothing to do with Bi-polar,nothing to do with Blindness....just non-neglectful parenting.Because if you are working 90 hours a week,and your dh is blanking him all day....then sorry to say it,but your current child sounds neglected.