To refuse pre-implantation genetic diagnosis

[Emmon]

My husband is totally blind due to a hereditary eye condition. His father, brother and nephew are also blind. He has a 50/50 chance of passing this on to children.

We already have a toddler who has perfect vision and although he could potentially go blind in the future specialists have said it is highly likely he has not got the disorder.

Now my husband wants child number 2 although I have strong reservations about this. This does not really relate to the chance of blindness, it is more that I have bipolar and there is a 50-90% chance of a relapse. As I run 2 businesses I cannot have any maternity leave and if I was placed in a psych unit for a few months my businesses could well go down the pan.

Anyway the doctors are giving us all these possibilities which to be honest is making things worse. The first chance is testing using amniocentesis and a late stage abortion if it is +ve. The idea of this absolutely sickens me and I am disgusted the doctors are glibly offering it. I practiced as a doctor for 8 years and naively thought my job was about preserving life and alleviating suffering. The next option, which I originally thought was feasible was producing 10 embryos with IVF and then testing them and discarding the unhealthy ones. It costs £9K per cycle with a 40% chance of a pregnancy. Of the normal ones some would be frozen and one implanted. The more I consider this the more I think it has come out of the plot line from Frankenstein. I know some people dismiss these as "clumps of cells" but I am not sure I agree with that. As a disabled person myself the idea a disabled child has less right to life than a healthy one is something I am very uncomfortable with. I also have religious views but do not want to discuss then really.

The other 2 options are just conceiving a child naturally, or my preferred option, not conceiving any child whatsoever.

Please give noon-judgmental advice. I do not know what to do.

She doesn't want a baby, that is reason enough surely, bi polar or not.

yes beagle I gather there is a huge history on MN but OP is very clear in her wishes plus there are plenty of negatives, so why the angst, I dont know

@topsey or what?

No I mean @owned's post. And @MrsLaughlan is being quite unpleasant by making this thread about her completely unrelated situation.

I don't think looking and bringing up past threads is spiteful.
There are more threads where the op is worrying about her husband neglecting the child that they already have.

Click on 'Advanced Search', next to the Moon on the top right of the page and you will find them.
I have no idea what is the definition of neglect these days, but the posts are worrying if they are true. I am not the first person to state that either.

ethel, sorry, I dont understand what "@ topsey or what" means, my statement was genuine not sarcasm.

I thought you were being sarcastic. Apologies. I think your post was one of the few reasoned, posts on here tbh, if that helps.

weird , weird thread

@topseyturvey though plenty of people who aren't 'very strict catholic' beleive in life beginning at conception. In fact more doctors hold this belief than the general population.

really? that does surprise me

@ethel the OP had her own opinion on amniosentisis and termination, she put it out there to be discussed both myslef and MrsLaugh gave our own personal experiences, and I am only speaking for myself when I say the termination of a child that would not live out of utero for me was the right choice. It is a discussion, they progress and change topics rapidly.

I am also due this year to have PGD with IVF so am interesting in the varied opinions about this procedure. Be it ethical for some or not.

I have no issue with a opinion contrary to mine, but reporting a woman who did nothign but share a experience and calling her judgmental was unfair. The OP asked to be judged, she asked the AIBU question, she just didnt like the replies she got. That is not our fault. No one has dithered off subject out of the boundries that the OP gave us to discuss this included mental health, child care, termination and genetic testing.

I don't see how I am disabilist's some of our close friends due to the recent war are now very disabled. So I do begrudge that comment. I have the opinion that it will allow me to save my children from undue suffering, the suffering I have had to endure.

It is generally the case that doctors in this country are more against abortion and euthanasia than the population at large. That doesn't mean of course, that there aren't still many Dr's who are pro-choice on both matters. I'll see if I can find the study.

@owned you said she was a few sandwiches short of a picnic. About someone with a mental health problem. That is not ok.

I don't think that suggesting disabled children should be aborted is necessarily disableist.

The bottom line seems to be you not actually wanting another child, but being pressured into having one by your dh. Does he understand the implications for you?

This is such a monumental decision that I think only the individual and partner can possibly make it. But if it's a question of one of you wanting another child and the other one not, this is always a difficult situation and just has to be worked through. But if you really don't want another child then perhaps you shouldn't have one.

I have apologised for that, and I shall do it again. I apologise.

However menatally ill or not it does not excuse someone for launching an attack on a woman for doing nothign but sharing an experience. Then I will say the OP is a vile horrid person.

She didn't do nothing but share an experience, she suggested the OP was incapable of being a Dr for having iews that were different to her won. In a completely unrelated siuation.

Teh OP has made now judgement at all on other peoples' decisions, let alone claimed that women shouldn't consider termination if their own life in in danger. She has said she doesn't want to abort a disabled child or have IVF. They are completely different situations with completely different ethics.

This is veering the conversation out of its original boundries, so I will agree to disagree. It seems to be the best option, as we will not see eye to eye on this.

Hardly 'disablist' or 'spiteful'...merely stating fact that the OP HERSELF stated she nor her husband would be able to look after another child...not forgetting the first child which has 'been involved with social services' according to previous posts.

And I agree, a few sandwiches short of a picnic is putting it nicely.

HoliHoliHoliday - Thank you for your refreshing, balanced post and best wishes with adoption.

OP I was not given the oportunity to have PGD (not funded for couple with a healthy child).

I have a child with a genetic life limiting condition (with a 1in 4 chance for any future children). The er would be increased risk of cross infection etc for dc if 2 born with the same condition, however I wanted another child (so shoot me for being greedy). I choose the russian roulette option of cvs post conception. Not fun and I never ever want to be in that place again. I would have much prefered a PGD option but it was not availble to me.

You are well within your rights to say you do not want another child it is your body. However the Dr are entirely correct in giving you the options availble to you THAT YOU CHOOSE NOT TO USE THOSE OPTIONS IS UP TO YOU, others may well want too.

YABU

My child is disabled but doesn't have a life of 'hardship and suffering'

Agreed...I wouldn't judge anyone for choices they make, and indeed some disabilities cause suffering.

But not all. Just wanted to point that out.

Holiholi - thank you for your perspective.

OP - you don't want another baby so end of story!