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Original poster

To refuse pre-implantation genetic diagnosis

112 replies

Emmon · 23/03/2013 18:21

My husband is totally blind due to a hereditary eye condition. His father, brother and nephew are also blind. He has a 50/50 chance of passing this on to children.

We already have a toddler who has perfect vision and although he could potentially go blind in the future specialists have said it is highly likely he has not got the disorder.

Now my husband wants child number 2 although I have strong reservations about this. This does not really relate to the chance of blindness, it is more that I have bipolar and there is a 50-90% chance of a relapse. As I run 2 businesses I cannot have any maternity leave and if I was placed in a psych unit for a few months my businesses could well go down the pan.

Anyway the doctors are giving us all these possibilities which to be honest is making things worse. The first chance is testing using amniocentesis and a late stage abortion if it is +ve. The idea of this absolutely sickens me and I am disgusted the doctors are glibly offering it. I practiced as a doctor for 8 years and naively thought my job was about preserving life and alleviating suffering. The next option, which I originally thought was feasible was producing 10 embryos with IVF and then testing them and discarding the unhealthy ones. It costs £9K per cycle with a 40% chance of a pregnancy. Of the normal ones some would be frozen and one implanted. The more I consider this the more I think it has come out of the plot line from Frankenstein. I know some people dismiss these as "clumps of cells" but I am not sure I agree with that. As a disabled person myself the idea a disabled child has less right to life than a healthy one is something I am very uncomfortable with. I also have religious views but do not want to discuss then really.

The other 2 options are just conceiving a child naturally, or my preferred option, not conceiving any child whatsoever.

Please give noon-judgmental advice. I do not know what to do.

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 23/03/2013 19:11

I have a severely disabled child & agree with you.

If you decide you want a child then in your shoes I would go for it and get what I was given - choosing doesn't sit comfortably with me either (I suppose we did do that as we had 2 kids after ds1)

Failedhippy · 23/03/2013 19:12

I remember your frankly bizarre post from a month or so ago: OP you stated your worries about your husband being neglectful towards your first child.

Why are you considering another child? When, as you have posted before, neither you or your husband can look after one.

I'm genuinely frightened for your existing child that you have.

FarBetterNow · 23/03/2013 19:12

Previous post.
I LOVE my business and am a total workaholic. I have a highly addictive personality which caused me to throw away years of my life on hard drugs. Now I work. A lot and it gives me that buzz drugs used to give me. The reality is if I had another child I would probably just leave and live at the office for a few months as I do not like being distracted. I am aware this makes me a crap mum but I cannot stop working as I get very bad withdrawal symptoms if I stop.

ethelb · 23/03/2013 19:13

@mrsmc the op is not being judgemental. Why does she have to consider an abortion just because it was the right thing for you to do in circumstances you experienced?

If anything you are being very judgemental about her preferences.

FarBetterNow · 23/03/2013 19:13

An
My husband does OK as a dad but sometimes I feel he could do more. he is a couch potato and spends his days watching Bargain Hunt and Deal or No Deal on TV rather than interacting with him.
I have already made it clear that if we have another child the parenting will fall to him. I do not want to do it. d another previous post:

FarBetterNow · 23/03/2013 19:14

And another:
At the moment he does all of my son's nappy changes and dresses him but I feel he is sometimes negligent in his care for him. He just sits there glued to daytime TV and does not seem to interact with him that much. When I ask him what my son has had for lunch he sometimes says "crisps". Sometimes he just microwaves a sausage roll and then just dumps it on his high chair feeding tray.
Last week I wanted to spend £50 of my wages on a toy and he did not want my son to have it as it was a waste of money.

OwnedByACockerSpaniel · 23/03/2013 19:15

Hmm I get more confused the more I read.

FeckOffCup · 23/03/2013 19:17

Don't have another baby at all if you feel that strongly that it would put you back in psychiatric care and wreck your businesses, the genetic testing shouldn't even be an issue if you don't want a second child at all, don't be pressured into it by your DH or anyone else.

FarBetterNow · 23/03/2013 19:18

Emmon posted a tread on 5th March, which I have found and I have cut and pasted her replies, which tell quite a sory.
I should have put them in itallics or bold but don't know how to - sorry.

saintlyjimjams · 23/03/2013 19:18

Ok well I can understand anger at the assumption you would want to choose/terminate (rather than describing it as an option) & I think it is often assumed a termination is on the cards if abnormalities are found, but it sounds as if a second child would be a disaster anyway.

FarBetterNow · 23/03/2013 19:19

Tell quite a 'story'

OwnedByACockerSpaniel · 23/03/2013 19:21

oh right FarBetter sorry have a bit of a cold/watery eye situation going on and was getting rather confused.

I can't say anything about anyones techniques on child care, I have none really but I don't think you should feed children microwaved sausage rolls on a regular basis, and should show perhaps a little more interest in them

LadyBeagleEyes · 23/03/2013 19:22

Yes FarBettter, I've just reread it.
It turned very odd, and I've no idea why she's posting the whole thing again.Confused

mrslaughan · 23/03/2013 19:42

So you think I should have potentially sacrificed my life , for a life, that had no chance of survival leaving my son motherless?
That's fine as your opinion - though I find it shocking.
Why am I pleased you don't practice medicine? - because you in no way (from the tone of posts) could offer a patient in your position or my postion unbiased and compassionate information and advice.
You can have no idea the emotional pain and torment I went through - I am in no way at peace with my decision - but I do know it was the right one for my family.
My post isn't vile - it's emotional .... Don't judge people until you have walked a mike in their shoes.....

Failedhippy · 23/03/2013 19:45

Agreed farbetter extremely odd.

OwnedByACockerSpaniel · 23/03/2013 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

KobayashiMaru · 23/03/2013 19:57

look, its all a big pile of red herrings. The disabilities, the abortion rhetoric, all of that. The basic fact is that you don't want a baby and have no real intention of taking care of one.
no-one should have a baby they don't want, end of story. Stop obfuscating this basic and obvious fact.

Lucyellensmum95 · 23/03/2013 20:04

The OP is Bi-polar, maybe that accounts for the "oddness" of her posts, have you not considered that? I think churning up her old threads for the point of discrediting this one is quite frankkly spiteful.

Owned - that last comment you made wasn't very nice, im surprised :(

OwnedByACockerSpaniel · 23/03/2013 20:06

But bipolar people don't behave like this, she is not manic.

However I apologise if it caused offense, it was not my intention I just found that her having a go at a woman who had obviously been through a very emotional and hard time odd. I have never known bi-polar people attack people like that.

LadyBeagleEyes · 23/03/2013 20:08

People are just wondering why she's written exactly the same thread as she did 2 weeks ago lucy.

Lucyellensmum95 · 23/03/2013 20:12

Maybe she didn't get the answers she needed two weeks ago and felt the need to go through it again? I have often posted multiple threads when i have felt upset and in need of support, i have been lucky and always received nothing but that. I like to think that others would be treated the same way. If you are Hmm about the thread, just move on? otherwise it all gets a bit bridge dweller hunthing stylee?

firesidechat · 23/03/2013 20:12

The OP is Bi-polar, maybe that accounts for the "oddness" of her posts, have you not considered that? I think churning up her old threads for the point of discrediting this one is quite frankkly spiteful.

I wouldn't normally say this, but I think the old thread is entirely relevant because the question is almost identical with a slight spin. I remember it well because my mum has the same disease as her husband.

topsyandturvy · 23/03/2013 20:15

I feel like Ive entered some kind of alternative reality on this thread!

OP, if you dont want another baby anyway, then dont have one.

If a person was bipolar with 50-90% relapse rate but wanted a baby I would say probably dont have one but see as many counsellors/medics as you need to to reach the right decision for you

As for pre implantation genetic diagnostics, I am a little astounded at some of the prejudice here, including from the OP. If someone was expecting a baby I think every single one would surely prefer their unborn child NOT to have to suffer with a disability, right? That doesn't mean you are a wicked or prejudiced person.

So what is wrong with pre implantation genetic diagnostics?? It is nothing remotely like an abortion (unless you are a very strict Roman Catholic and consider all ivf to be an abomination since there will inevitably be embryos which dont make it or have to be discarded).

Genetic testing will not be screening for every single genetic and non genetic disability that exists, your unborn sighted baby could still have any number of medical conditions. You would not be trying to cultivate some kind of superior race.

So if you do want to go ahead and have a baby, I would personally not do so without the genetic testing. There is enough struggle and suffering in some children's lives, there is no way I would deliberately allow my child to have a known disability when I could avoid it.

ethelb · 23/03/2013 20:18

This is a horribly disabilist thread

topsyandturvy · 23/03/2013 20:21

ethel - I sincerely hope you do not mean my post?
Not wishing hardship and suffering upon my children is not disableist, I hope you see the difference?

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