To refuse pre-implantation genetic diagnosis

[Emmon]

My husband is totally blind due to a hereditary eye condition. His father, brother and nephew are also blind. He has a 50/50 chance of passing this on to children.

We already have a toddler who has perfect vision and although he could potentially go blind in the future specialists have said it is highly likely he has not got the disorder.

Now my husband wants child number 2 although I have strong reservations about this. This does not really relate to the chance of blindness, it is more that I have bipolar and there is a 50-90% chance of a relapse. As I run 2 businesses I cannot have any maternity leave and if I was placed in a psych unit for a few months my businesses could well go down the pan.

Anyway the doctors are giving us all these possibilities which to be honest is making things worse. The first chance is testing using amniocentesis and a late stage abortion if it is +ve. The idea of this absolutely sickens me and I am disgusted the doctors are glibly offering it. I practiced as a doctor for 8 years and naively thought my job was about preserving life and alleviating suffering. The next option, which I originally thought was feasible was producing 10 embryos with IVF and then testing them and discarding the unhealthy ones. It costs £9K per cycle with a 40% chance of a pregnancy. Of the normal ones some would be frozen and one implanted. The more I consider this the more I think it has come out of the plot line from Frankenstein. I know some people dismiss these as "clumps of cells" but I am not sure I agree with that. As a disabled person myself the idea a disabled child has less right to life than a healthy one is something I am very uncomfortable with. I also have religious views but do not want to discuss then really.

The other 2 options are just conceiving a child naturally, or my preferred option, not conceiving any child whatsoever.

Please give noon-judgmental advice. I do not know what to do.

If you don't want another child then this is a massive non issue.

Personally, I think the most ethical decision is conceive naturally. I think any disability screening where the aim is aborting when differences detected, such as the Nuchal fold scan is very wrong.

I think the debate is a none starter however, having a baby when you don't want one is bonkers.

Oh and I cannot prospone ttc as I am 37 so clock is nearly out.

this stops at 'I don't want another child'.

end of. The person who doesn't want the child trumps the one who does.

every child a wanted child by both parents. You don't want another one, so all the rest is irrelevant.

But, Emmon, you have said you don't want another child. So what that you are 37?

I am 43 and my clock is ticking too but I'm not going to have another child just because I might not be able to in a few years. That is just a very selfish thing to do unless you actually do want a child.

@special

I am sure if I did have another child, it would not be "unwanted", I would bond with it and love it.

The thing is I feel like I am being bludgeoned into having kids.

I never wanted ANY children but was pressured into having my son. I am over the moon I had him now and love him dearly. So I am glad I got pressured into it. My husband keeps saying "you did not want your first son and look how happy you are now". He has a point but I just do not want to go through pregnancy again.

I also have to add that at 37, unfit and fat, I do not have the energy to be running around after a child (although I am on a diet re the fat comment)

Why you would even entertain the idea of another pregnancy if you could end up in a psych ward?

If a psych ward is so bad then I personally, would be thinking of being sterilised.

I am not suggesting that you should be.

Many couples only have one child and it is wonderful.

As you are bi polar, I presume you'd have to stop taking medication that has helped keep your condition stable over the last few years, if you got pregnant?

Would you really want to risk that happiness to have another child?

If you wouldn't put a dog in a psych ward why are you considering increasing the chances of putting yourself and a baby in one?

@mrs

I have reported your vile post.

Didn't you post this almost exact thread just a couple of weeks ago Emmon?
It sounds really familiar.

@farbetter

Well said! My brother in law is no angel and has actually spent time at Her Maj's Pleasure.

He visited the last time I was "sent down" to the psych ward and said it was 100 times worse than prison.

When he did his time he got x boxs and a pool table. I was given a pink ball of wool for "entertainment". You could not make it up.

Why have you reported? All she called you was 'judgemental' - which you seem to be.

Why is her view vile and less valid than yours?

Do have a baby. Don't have a baby. I really couldn't care less. You can't trample over other peoples' views just because they don't agree with you.

Not nice.

yes lady i did

I have 2 children with ASD - I love them no less than my NT child but do I wish they had no disabilities - hell yes ! I have a disability my self as well and really find this almost idolisation of disabilities that some people have very strange.

@you

is it nice to say "thank fuck you do not practice medicine".

What dreadful language and a despicable thing to say.

And actually MANY doctors do not believe in terminations for ETHICAL reasons.

So I am judgmental as I value life? Well I would rather be like that thanks.

So why in on earth or you even thinking about the possibilty of getting pregnant?

OP Previous Thread
My husband and I are both classified as severely disabled-although to be fair neither of us view ourselves as having disabilities and we do our best to live our lives to the full.
I have bipolar and my husband has a very severe form of a genetic blindness called retinitis pigmentosa or rp. Rp normally causes blindness in the late teens or early twenties but my husbands form is so bad he was registered blind at 10 months and now has no vision.
As rp is hereditary any children we have get a 50/50 chance of the disease. We already have one son who at 19 months is showing no signs of visual impairment and the doctors say it is now very unlikely he has the faulty gene.
Only problem is husband now wants child number 2. I don't. It is not just the risk of blindness. It is the fact I would have a 30% chance of a bipolar relapse and at 37 I feel too old. Also I run a business and work 90 hour weeks-it is a labour of love and the reality is if I had a child I would have to leave home and go live in my office for 3 months or so as a baby would slow me down (and yes I know may people may think that is a disgrace but I am a workaholic).
I cannot have an abortion or IVF with prenatal diagnosis for religious reasons.
What should I do?

Yes I've just looked.
You work 90 hours a week and you complained about your Dh's parenting too.
Everybody told you then that it would be unwise to have a child and you don't want one anyway.
I've no idea why you've started a new thread about it.

You can believe what you like but you shouldn't bring it into professional life.

I have no idea why I am posting as I no longer care.

I can see both sides in a way. I have been offered IVF with genetic testing, HOWEVER for me they will only rule out unbalanced chromosomes now I wanted also the balanced translocation to be ruled out as well, basically a child with "normal" DNA to be born, but they won't do this as even balanced is viable. I am the carrier of a balanced chromosonal translocation, and I would not want to pass on the heartache of infertility to my children, does that make me a bad person? or does that make me a person who is thinking I don't want my children to be sat crying for hours in countless hospital appointments and suffering depression because I gave them this

I also had a termination due to a absolute 1 in a million chance that a unbalanced chromosone managed to harbour life, normaly it will not and I miscarry at about 5 weeks. However Gabriel (we named him after a Angel" managed to somehow get a heart beat, we were told though that He would not survive the birthing process at all and should he survive it we were talking hours of life. I couldn't face that DH could'nt face that so we decided to let him go to slip away. Judge me if you will, but financially, emotionally and mentally we would not have coped.

If you DO NOT want a child, don't have one. Your DH can not force you to have a child.

Lucky was not really the right word but the doctor probably meant that you have more choices than someone who is looking at ttc where there is a genetic disorder which cannot be tested for. The doctor gave you your choices so you can make up your mind. It is not the job of a doctor to disaprove of available options for you, it is for you to decide what is right for you.

Just read more of your previous thread and I will stop being polite.
Why would you even consider bringing another life, disabled or not, into this world when all you will do is give birth and ignore it.

Sorry, words fail me.

You have had an amazing education but you are really thick!

Op, I think I posted on your other thread about this. From what I remember you had perfectly valid reasons for not having another child. I ssume those still stand?

My mum had the same eye disease as your husband (RP). There was no genetic testing when I had my children and we had to take the risk, although I didn't see it as a risk at the time. Having had two blind parents made me a bit more chilled about what blindness would mean. My children are adults now and fine. However I'm not sure that I could do what the doctors have suggested to you because I couldn't tolerate a late abortion due to potential blindness.