AIBU to want DD and her boyfriend to come and live with us?

[wongadotmom]

But DH is against the idea. Dd is 19 and in the 2nd year of her degree. She and her boyfriend have lived together in a poky flat in the next town since last September. They stayed with us over the whole of last summer and they are both an absolute pleasure to have with us. I have always said that I want them both to come back and they would like to if it were not for DH. We have plenty of room. They are coming on holiday with us at Easter and my plan is to get DH drunk then persuade him to let them live with us while he is in a good mood. Aibu? Or is DH?

Yes worraliberty, you are right. I am massively projecting as I was homeless at a young age like this lad. He has done really well with support from us and DD and others too. Better than I did really.

So leave him where he is and support him from afar so to speak.

Please don't set him back.

OP is your dh dd's father?

I love my ds's and am, at the moment, happy to have them living at home for as long as they want. I would not want their partners living here and indeed would only offer it if they were desperate. Your dd has flown the nest. She has a partner and home of her own. Let her be.

You risk problems with your dh if you force his hand.

Christmasjubilee I married DH 7 years ago and he is my DD's stepfather.

I thought some other mumsnetters might have been in a situation where they had their DD/DS partners living with them and could advise on the benefits/pitfalls.

I understand that you don't want to see your daughter and her partner struggling and that's admirable.

However, others are tight to point out that moving in with you would put your daughters partner in a very vulnerable position - especially as he was homeless before. Essentially, he'd be completely dependent on your good will. And what would happen if they split up? He'd be back to square one.

Right, not tight.

I would much rather live in a dank flat with my fella than my parents. (I'm 21). It doesn't matter if money is tight and the flats a mess. I'm a masters student, I don't care. The space is ours and we can shag as loudly as we want!

Why would he leave his own flat to live in a house where you say he 'doesn't feel comfortable' - it's you
who thinks paying rent might make him feel more comfortable, not him.

I think he feels uncomfortable because you'd like to be a little too involved AND he's worried about giving up his independent home and risking becoming homeless in the future.

Leave them be, don't get your DH drunk and try to manipulate him. Ugh.

Oh, and b4bunnies, it's the 21st century, it's not all about the DH and how he might feel effectively subsidising some young man living in his home and having sex with his stepdaughter!

Is this one of those rhetorical AIBUs?

OP, I think you sound lovely.
I can imagine threads on here entitled: 'Help, how can I split my daughter up from her homeless boyfriend, who really isn't good enough for her'.

If they split up whilst they are sharing the damp flat, he will be homeless as he wouldn't be able to pay the rent himself, so that argument is irrelevant.

Maybe your daughter should ask her Dad?
Or maybe they are really enjoying being independant in their damp flat.
My daughter and her boyfriend did. It was damp and cold and money was a struggle (nothing has changed there), but they wanted to be independant.

Good Luck with it.

let her grow up and make her own life

if there are problems she will always have a home to come back to but at the moment there is not a problem

Your dd is only 19, she should probably be having a few boyfriends before settling down. Isn't that better? She is a bit young. I think you would be pushing her to settle down with this guy if you go ahead.
(disclaimer: I know lots of people have settled down and had babies very young, but I still believe it is best not to settle down so,young)

Leave them be.

They are very young and might split.

Then where will they be. Your dd will not want him living with her and he would be homeless.