AIBU to want DD and her boyfriend to come and live with us?

[wongadotmom]

But DH is against the idea. Dd is 19 and in the 2nd year of her degree. She and her boyfriend have lived together in a poky flat in the next town since last September. They stayed with us over the whole of last summer and they are both an absolute pleasure to have with us. I have always said that I want them both to come back and they would like to if it were not for DH. We have plenty of room. They are coming on holiday with us at Easter and my plan is to get DH drunk then persuade him to let them live with us while he is in a good mood. Aibu? Or is DH?

Holds eggy's hand and opens the door for her...

Thezebrawearspurple you are right, there is nothing worse than unwanted people living in your home. But this is my DD she is not unwanted!

Bobyan, don't let her get me, will you ?

It is her home and always will be afaiac

And As it happens I have been told I am the best mum in the world eggyfucker :)

Not by me OP.

Yes your daughter's home but not her partner's!!!

And it is also your husband's!

You have said yourself he would not mind your daughter coming home but does not want the boyfriend.

And you are being very unreasonable if you think he should be forced to say yes just because you get him drunk

I get the impression that it is her boyfriend that your dh doesn't want? Have you asked him why? If you know what the problem is there may be a way of sorting it?

By my DDs :)

OP, is it a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel?

Or is it so cunning, you could brush your teeth with it?

OP : Don't worry, I have a cunning plan to solve the problem.

MNers : Yes OP, let us not forget that you tried to solve the problem of your mother's low ceiling by cutting off her head.

Sorry, no help at all! :)

Of course your DD's are going to say you are the best mum in the world if you always give them what they want even if it means making your husband unhappy!

YABU. OP, for I am the best mum in the world, and I have a cup what says so!

Yes it is the boyfriend. The reason he gives is what if they split up etc, the reasons a lot of mums netters have given on this thread.

Joking aside OP do you realise that if your DD and her BF split you would have to evict him in order for him to be able to get back into the social housing system?

He would more than likely end up in a B&B in a worse situation than he is now, just because you have a pathological need to get your own way.

You are leaving the poor boy in a more vulnerable position than he is now.

If you really want to help, rent a room out to another young homeless person and give the rent to your DD.

I do not make my husband unhappy jester88! We just have a different opinion about this! He doesn't want him there so he doesn't have him there. He is happy with that. I'm not and I hope to change his mind but if he doesn't nothing happens.

No, I am Spartacus the Best Mum In The World !

But the poor git is still going to be out on his ear if/when they split up isn't he?

At the moment he is living independently...having got himself out of a homeless shelter.

That's a massive achievement and now you want him to give up that security to go and live with you...which would see him back at square one and homeless eventually.

Perhaps your DH can actually see this problem that's staring the boyfriend in the face?

I think you're projecting massively due to leaving home at a young age yourself.

Hehehe! Can imagine telling DH I want to let DD's room out to yet ANOTHER homeless person! I'd better get him very, very drunk

And I think that his concerns are genuine.
At the end of the day if they split the young lad is going to have to start again through the homeless shelter etc.

Now they could stay together. I got with my partner when I was 18 and nearly 11 years later we are still together.

BUT I would not have asked my mum to let him move in with us the same way I would not move into the house he shared with his dad.

It would have been awful if we then had split up and either of us was in the position of having nowhere else to go.

We moved in together into our own place when I was 21 after our unplanned (but much wanted) daughter was born.

And obviously financially it was a lot harder than when we lived at home.

But we both felt more comfortable as it was OUR place. No worrying about what we should/should not do. No feeling awkward.

So though hard it was best for us. And it has taken a long time for us to get the place up together etc but we just did the necessary things first and have built up from there

1. Respect your husbands feelings on this. It is not pleasant to have extra long term houseguests staying in your home when you don't really want them. I would be tempted to leave home myself if I was your husband.

2. Leave your daughter to get on with her new independant life. l speak with experience on this because both of my children have left home now. One married and one at uni and it is lovely to see them getting on with making their way in the world. We have a very good relationship with them and don't need to be living under the same roof.

Youngest one stays with us during uni breaks and often have boyfriend to stay too, so I know what I'm talking about. It's ok, but wouldn't want to do it on a long term basis because we parents quite like having the house to ourselves again. They are intending to live together when uni is finished and if I was pushing for them to come and live with us she would think I had lost the plot, to be honest.

I'm leaving this thread now as I'm actually find the OP's total lack of regard for anyone else horrible.

I did not mean you make him unhappy! I meant if you force ahead with this and force him to agree to something he does not want then he is going to be unhappy!

I think you are obviously a lovely mum who loves her daughter loads and cares about her boyfriend.

What does the boyfriend want anyway? As you have said what you and your daughter want but not him?

Yes worraliberty, you are right. I am massively projecting as I was homeless at a young age like this lad. He has done really well with support from us and DD and others too. Better than I did really.

OP if you're the best mum in the world and your daughter can't wait to move back in with you, why did she move out in the first place?

I think you are being rather selfish and controlling, and assuming your experience as a teenager holds true for everyone. And not to acknowledge and encourage the massive achievement her boyfriend has managed by getting himself out of the homeless trap is downright disrespectful.

If you and your 4yo want to spend more time with them, that's great. Invite them round for a meal/the weekend more often. Plenty of ways and means without pissing off your husband.

If the relationship broke up then the BF wouldn't be homeless again. This is of course assuming that he saves the money that he would otherwise had spent on rent.

That aside, I find the OP a very scary person. She is going to badger her husband until he is 'convinced' that she is right :)