AIBU to want DD and her boyfriend to come and live with us?

[wongadotmom]

But DH is against the idea. Dd is 19 and in the 2nd year of her degree. She and her boyfriend have lived together in a poky flat in the next town since last September. They stayed with us over the whole of last summer and they are both an absolute pleasure to have with us. I have always said that I want them both to come back and they would like to if it were not for DH. We have plenty of room. They are coming on holiday with us at Easter and my plan is to get DH drunk then persuade him to let them live with us while he is in a good mood. Aibu? Or is DH?

and when she's finished with this lover, are you prepared to accommodate whoever follows? because you will have set a precedent.

I think it is something you all have to agree on or else it isn't fair to the person who is not keen. Personally I don't think this is a good idea unless it's for a very short time and there isn't an alternative.

I would like Op to be my mum

I think you should take account of what your H wants though

If they were to split up, that would be their problem to solve as adults and not ours!

As for setting a precedent DD knows me and knows I would not tolerate her bed-hopping under my own roof. She would have to conduct any future love affairs elsewhere.

Eh so this guy is fine but any others aren't? So is it actually dd's DP you want?!

Wait there you either care about this guy and his past of being homeless or you don't? You linked to the other thread using it as a reason.
If they split up he will end up homeless again that's a dreadful position to put him in all because you can't cut the apron strings, how selfish.

We have known DD's boyfriend for 2 years. If I thought they were going to split up I would not consider this. I know DD would not ask me to have her bf live with us if she was not in a serious relationship with him. She is a lovely young lady who I am immensely proud of and not some fickle, spoilt brat!

Agree TheSecondComing. Just give them a bit of their own space to be young and in love on their own OP. The serious relationship that you're in as a 19 year old student doesn't always last (or even usually, thinking back to my student days) - it's part and parcel of being that age.

I am not convinced that this is for life thesecondcoming. And neither is the idea of my DDs living with me for life. But having had the millstone of being independent from my parents from age 17 myself I want to liberate this lovely young couple from the drudgery of working (her bf has minimum wage job) just to pay council tax, heating bills and to fatten a private landlord's bank balance.

Living with us would give them more options to be what they want, go where they want. DD has talked about perhaps travelling the world when she graduates next year.

Do they want to come and live with you?
Is this their suggestion or yours?

Yes they do want to live with us

I just need to convince DH that it's a good idea!

Was it th eir idea, or yours?

Your husband doesn't want them there, nothing you do or say will make him want them. You might convince him to give in by nagging, guilt tripping etc but he will resent their presence and you for pushing it. There's nothing worse than unwanted people living in your home, don't think for a second that won't cause tensions. It will.

Independence is a stepping stone not a millstone, adapting to an independent life is always hard, far more so for older people. It will be doubly hard on this young man if this relationship splits up while living with you, he'll find himself homeless again

Here is a bit of background norksaremessy from 2011 when I was RebelFromTheWaistDown:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1300799-to-let-DDs-bedroom-out-to-a-homeless-person-now-that-she-has-left-for-university

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1300799-to-let-DDs-bedroom-out-to-a-homeless-person-now-that-she-has-left-for-university

We will see about that thezebrawearspurple. You may be right about DH but I have a cunning plan involving a big clear out of the house ready for DD and her bf to move back in if everyone is happy with it this summer.

Oh dear.

You sound very clingy and interfering, you're willing to push your DH into something he doesn't want and your DD doesn't necessarily need just to get your own way.
They're adults and you need to stop interfering.

Just seen OP's last post. You sound like a nightmare.

So really regardless of whether your husband agrees or not you are going to have them move in?

That seems to be what your last post says. Like you don't care about your husband's feelings at all

No my last post says if everyone is happy :)

Now I am not speaking through the lens of a red wine glass ( ) I think you are starting to sound decidedly odd, OP.

I don't think I'd like you to be my mum after all. < backs away slowly >