To let DS feed himself from the highchair tray?

[mistressploppy]

Long, sorry...

Birthday lunch for a family friend at a country pub. 8 adults, DS1 (3yo) and DS2 (13mo)

We eat out a lot with the DC so they behave pretty well; no shouting, chucking food etc. DS1 eats like a mini-adult, uses cutlery, no probs. DS2 feeds himself nicely and has done for months (BLW) but as his pasta has arrived as an enormous adult-sized portion on a plate, I pick up a dollop or two and put them on the tray of his highchair. He scoffs away. The babywipes are poised next to him.

Waiter(asst.manager/supervisor?) hovers; 'is there something wrong with the plate?'
Me; 'sorry?'
Waiter; 'IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE PLATE?' (crossly, with sarcasm)
Me; um, oh, sorry...it was a bit hot...he tends to push the plate around...might get broken...I WILL clean the tray myself and wipe up any mess when he's finished...
Waiter;'oh, it's just I couldn't believe it when I saw you just dumping it on the tray like that'
Me;
DH; Er, hang on a minute mate, that's how he eats? No harm done! Do you have children?!'
Waiter; 'no, but I was one once, and my mother would never have just put food in front of me like that...she'd have fed me properly'

At this point my bottom lip went and DH asked him if he'd meant to be so rude(!). He then said; 'well, half of your party were 30mins late for the booking, and then she (gestures) dumps food straight on the table....'

I got a bit upset. Soothing noises ensued from all our party. After about 20mins he returns

Waiter; 'um, right, about earlier; I'm sorry you were upset but... '
Me; (cutting in) 'are you apologising?'
Waiter; 'no, thank you for cleaning up, but I stand by what I sai..'
Me; (nicely) 'I don't want to hear it, thanks!'
Waiter; (loudly, while walking off with his hands raised in despair) 'Ok, fine, you just carry on doing that in every restaurant you go to and see what happens...'

and

WIBU?

As long as everything is cleaned up at the end then why does it bother the waiter?

I could understand him having an issue if food was being launched all over the place but if he was sat in his highchair eating then no problem.

Yes you only put a few bits of food at a time. Especially if you are in a restaurant you cant afford to pile their tray with loads of stuff that might get chucked!!

As long as everything is cleaned up at the end then why does it bother the waiter?

I think you will find this rarely happens...!

Everlong, nowhere did I say I did BLW. My DS simply refused to be spoonfed any longer about a month ago. What's the alternative? Let him starve, or use his hands? Plates get thrown on the floor, as do spoons.

I really don't get why it's a big deal. BLW works for some. The OP did not pour a big bowl of pasta on her child's highchair.

I didn't do BLW, but I still wouldn't think to spoon feed a 13 month old. In fact I would think it a bit weird/precious for parents to insist spoon feeding a child that age so they didn't make any mess or touch food with their fingers.

DS refused to be spoon fed until he 13 months old. We had no choice but to BLW. At nearly 18 months he is getting quite good with using a spoon.

And as someone pointed out, the waiter asked "is something wrong with the plate" and there was - a big, hot, china plate is unsuitable for a 13 month old.

OP I would have been RAGING at that waiter, the absolute twunt. You absolutely have to email head office to complain. And make sure you put in word for word what he said, as it's the details that make it so frigging offensive.

I can't believe how many people think the OP IBU. She didn't just dump the whole bowl of pasta out on the table. She put a little blob on the tray. Even if she had used a plastic plate there is pretty much 100% guarantee that her DS would have got just as much over the edge onto the tray (and then chucked the whole bowl on the floor).

We've always done it this way and no-one has ever complained. We always clean up after ourselves and usually the waiters / waitresses try and stop us but we insist.

We've just come back from a holiday where we ate every meal in the hotel restaurant for a week DS is 17mo, and he gets food everywhere. we gave him bowls when we could (ie he'll spoon yoghurt out), but most of the time it was put on the table in front of him. I always tried a plate, and it always got chucked (and caught by me). Several people commented on how good an eater he was, and the waiters loved him. I'm sure there were some sniffy people looking on disapprovingly but I frankly don't give two hoots .

I don't know what BLW is (I'm assuming baby led weaning - but I don't know what that entails).

To me it'd just be common sense to put a bit of food on the highchair tray for them to eat,and I would find it quite beyond belief that anyone might object to that.

What a fuss over nothing!

Defensive about feeding choices? Purlease!!!
I just dont think its nice whilst eating out in public- sandwiches/finger foods etc yes chuck them on the tray- but pasta? No.
In your own home knock yourself out- theres lots of feeding practices that I would do at home but not in public not that ive ever licked the plate, oh no

My13 month old eats his shoes so not sure what the stress is about the high chair tray. He also thinks plates are frisbees so I'd have done exactly the same

We have had a few if those bowls everlong and they don't work, they can just be pulled off very easily ime.

Even if they have a bowl/plate they do drop stuff/spill stuff at times so good goes on the tray/table anyway.

I don't understand people who don't understand BLW. Its just finger foods but extended to some main meals. My dd would eat mush quite happily when i fed it to her but as soon as it was time to gradually make it lumpier and get nearer to normal food, she would freak out the moment the lumps were in her mouth and then refuse the spoon after that. At the same time, if I plonked unmushed stuff like a load of pasta in front of her, fruit or a sandwich, she would eat it. Why would anyone push on with feeding half mush and struggling to get any in their child when they can put some in front of them unmushed and watch it get eaten? Some stuff would obviously stay on spoons (e.g. yoghurts) but for stuff that can be physically picked up, why not just let them get on with it if thats what they want to do?

yanbu.
waiter was very rude and you should get an apology or at the very least gim to be retrained.

the nhs actually now advocates blw as a preference to purees/spoonfeeding.
this attitude that some of you have towards babies not feeding themselves is exactly why my Boots newsletter told me that at 16mo I should be thinking about introducing a spoon to my dd for feedibg herself.
she has been perfectly capable of feeding herself with a spoon since 12mo. and has fed herself with hands since 6mo.
the reason the nhs now prefers blw is because weaning age is 6mo. when it was 4mo, babies were incapable of self-feeding, but by 6 mo they have enough dexterity to do it.
why stop your baby doing something that increases their dexterity? by doing so, you're slowing down or even retarding their development.

I can't believe people are using words like 'shocked' about OP putting pasta on a high chair tray when what is shocking is the way the waiter behaved.

My DS refuses to be fed/helped with a spoon at 13 months old and I'd have probably done the same. Far less mess and no opportunity for a plate/bowl to be flung somewhere. The plastic bowls and plates with suction underneath are a great idea and do work with some children but not mine, we've tried everything and he always manages to pull them off.

everlong they do it because it is wholly unneccessary to spoon feed.

Mine had a spoon and fork from 6mths that they used along with their hands, and lots of babies won't let you feed them, they often like to do it themselves. Sometimes I fed them a few spoonfulls but by a year most can feed themselves, they don't need to have someone do it for them.

Has anyone actually said they were 'shocked'?
And I dont think many people have said anything other than the waiter was a prick..

hoooooly shit can't believe this thread! I've met some rude waiters in my life and I've also been a waiter myself, for a long time, and fuck that, that's one of the rudest things I've ever heard or witnessed.

Does the restaurant always put giant hot china bowls down in front of babies? You've got to wonder how that works out for them?

I've an almost-14 month old and she eats exactly like another poster (choceyes?) said - plastic bowls at home, and when we're out, if there's no plastic bowl or plate then it's dryish food chunks on highchair and me holding bowl with one hand for anything saucy. Really would not bother me in the slightest to see a baby eating pasta with his hands from a tray. I have no policy or strategy it's just how it works out. I help her with her morning porridge and hold the yoghurt carton while she scoops it out with a spoon herself but it's mostly hands. I don't love the mess, not at all, but I don't see how it's done differently?! Surely that's not BLW it's just normal toddler eating. She is definitely not coordinated enough, at 13/14months, to sit and daintily carve up her meals with her knife and fork. Are many?

Letter of complaint, OP dear. Hope you're feeling better.

Personally I don't see the need to label it beyond "feeding your child"

Some children like the purees, other prefer to have the food to feed themselves. Most fall somewhere inbetween. They all reach the same end point so why does it matter how other families do it?

The waiter was incredibly rude and I'd be writing to head office to complain. I hope you got his name OP. You cleaned the tray first, you were going to clean it afterwards, what was the problem?

I'm always amused by people who criticise BLW simply because it wasn't their choice to wean that way. Smacks of insecurity to me.

Everlong - I've never 'followed' blw, as such. But I'm a huge believer in self-regulating feeding and encouraging good appetite control. That's why I tried not to spoon feed mine (though would do when it came to messy stuff).

That's not to say that spoon feeding automatically overrides appetite control. But it takes a lot of effort to be passive when you spoon feed and always seemed easier to hand over the food to the child so they could feed autonomously.

You know, I don't really like to see parents forcing their children to finish a jar/bottle/plate of food until it's gone but I can hazard a guess that they may have their own reasons for doing so.