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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that DDs school is obsessed with attendance levels and feel offended?

254 replies

msjones80 · 18/03/2013 00:28

DD is in reception and she has been ill several times in the last term. Even though all absences were justified, I recently got a call from the school and the advisor from the council to discuss her absences. They suggested I was maybe being "too soft" and that children her age like to "exaggerate" to stay home and watch telly. I told them I only kept her home when she was clearly unwell (fever, diarrea, vomiting...) or there was a risk for the other children. I also let them know that each day I kept her home was a day lost at work. Still, they said that children sometimes could go to school with a little paracetamol, that that's how they build their immune system, and requested that I keep providing them with evidence whenever she's sick.

Now she's ill once more. She has had high fever (37-39C) since last Wednesay. I took her to the GP but she said they don't do letters, only appointment slips, and that my word should be enough and the school had no legal right to ask for evidence.

AIBU? Isn't is outrageous that the school cares more about attendance levels that the wellbeing of children? Do I have to give them proof everytime she's ill? Has anyone experienced the same?

OP posts:
Twogoodreasons · 18/03/2013 16:24

No-one is criticising parents of genuinely sick children. I am just trying to answer the OP's question - the school may be obsessed, I don't know but her threshold for keeping her child off is too low.

As someone with a child who has asthma, eczema, severe allergies, has had grommets fitted, has been hospitalised with pneumonia and recently had endoscopies and colonoscopies and still has an attendance above 90% I feel able to see both sides.

msjones80 · 18/03/2013 16:31

I am just trying to answer the OP's question - the school may be obsessed, I don't know but her threshold for keeping her child off is too low.

That is your opinion. There is a huge gap between a headache and having a terrible, life-defining illness.

I'm not going to send my daughter to school if she's clearly sick.

OP posts:
HeadfirstForHalos · 18/03/2013 16:33

If he needs to be off for 2 weeks, he will be off for 2 weeks, don't worry! :)

Likewise, if it's healed nicely and he's raring to go 10 days in, he will be going to school. This is what people mean about guidelines, they are just that, a guide . Common sense has to come into play at some point.

I think keeping a child off with a temp of 37-39 is being a bit too over cautious.

Thebody, please don't feel bad, the illnesses are out of your control, just keep doing the best you can, it's all any of us can do.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/03/2013 16:35

I work in parent support in two primary schools and I also work very closely with the EWO, because some absences can be sorted by addressing, say, transport issues. In my schools we do send letters when attendance drops below 80%, even in Reception, but in our letters we acknowledge that under-5s are not of statutory school age. We make the point, though, that regular attendance is a good habit to get into generally.

I am puzzled by comments from a couple of posters that social services got involved for poor attendance. I recently went to a presentation by our local children's services team about their new thresholds - wild horses wouldn't get a social worker into a school in our LA for attendance - it's a level 2 intervention (i.e. me!).

yellowhousewithareddoor · 18/03/2013 16:41

So 37temp or a light cough or sniffle is clearly sick? Are you saying there are the reasons for keeping her off?

What does she do when she's home? Does she sleep or watch tv? How is she? If she's better by lunch time she can go in?

If she's regularly ill thoughshe needs further investigation.

karenflower · 18/03/2013 16:49

This is from a letter we received from my sons school this week from an
attendance officer

When I visited the school this week, there were over 75 pupils who have missed more than 11 and a
half days (over two full weeks) since September 2012, this is the equivalent of four pupils missing a
whole school year.

So your school are probably trying to make sure this doesnt happen and I am afraid it too often does - really you should be pleased they care about educating your children and if they are ill think well at least they checked and my LO goes to a school who cares if she is learning???

Just another point of view really

BigBoobiedBertha · 18/03/2013 17:05

37C isn't a temperature. It has to be over 37.5C to be that and 38C to be a fever. I don't really understand the comments about dose them up and send them to school - they shouldn't be dosed up for 37C, it isn't necessary.

I am sure some of you would consider me a soft touch as DS2 gets fevers with little else wrong with him other than a reduced appetite and being tired but his temperature is always 38C before I let him stay home (not in bed mind you, he has a temperature and the temptation is to put the covers over himself which just makes him hotter and then he is really ill - been there done that). He loves school but some days, when he has these temperatures he gets tearful, lethargic and doesn't want to go. I know then that he is not feeling great. He seemed to be getting a lot of temperatures so I asked the school if he should go in. They didn't want him. They said that if the temperature is being brought down by drugs then he could still be spreading illnesses around even if he was temporarily OK. If he had a cold or a bit of sore throat he would go in but he doesn't seem to get those even when they are doing the rounds of the school, just this temperature.

So whilst I don't think the OP is being unreasonable to keep her daughter off if she is ill, even with just a temperature, I think she is misreading the NHS website a bit and shouldn't be thinking her DD has a temperature at anything less than 37.5C and even then, it shouldn't just be one check as I know from experience, if they have just got up and have been rushing around getting ready, they can easily have a temp over 37C one minute which is gone the next.

And just to say, I do have a thermometer. DS2 is a very hot child. He quite often feels hotter than everybody else and I have thought he has a temperature. He doesn't when his temp is taken - well under 37C. That is why I have one. It is really hard to tell without one whether he is putting on being ill and will make a miraculous recovery mid morning, or whether he genuinely ill.

hackmum · 18/03/2013 17:11

Cecily: "Still, they said that children sometimes could go to school with a little paracetamol, that that's how they build their immune system.

This is totally ridiculous. I hope you asked if she was medically qualified or how her immune system required her to be in school for it to built up."

I agree! Sending your sick child into school isn't going to build up her immune system. Where do they get this nonsense from? Also, it's a bit exasperating, because at my DD's primary and other local schools, they used to insist on the child being kept off school for a full day after they had had an episode of vomiting, even if they felt perfectly fine. At one school it was two days. So parents used to just lie, and say their kid had a headache or something.

MadHairDay · 18/03/2013 17:12

I'm with cory and thebody. People may not be criticising parents of genuinely sick children, but there's a lot of stuff here either crowing about how little time their children have had off or how having time off can damage education.

It's these kind of attitudes which contribute to children who are already sick feeling even more down on themselves

msjones80 · 18/03/2013 17:21

oh FGS! So, if I say 37-39 degrees, some of you'll understand that I keep her home with 37? What about 38.5C, like she has now? I wish you could see her, all miserable in bed, just wants to sleep!

Agree it's not all about temperature. There are also other sympthoms, like the sad eyes, the cough, the drowsiness, the lack of appetite.. and, like this once, D&V too. It's common sense and I am thankful that I am able to see when my child is sick! And guess what, GP and hospital agree too! Angry

OP posts:
babybythesea · 18/03/2013 17:25

Someone upthread mentioned a programme on the Radio a couple of weeks ago - Inside Health, I think.

The medical person they had on said that readings of temperature can vary depending on what sort of thermometer you have, even, so going strictly by what the thermometer says doesn't actually tell you much about how healthy the child is, especially when they are in that "a little bit too warm" category.

She said the best thing to do was to use your instinct as to how the child actually was. So, if your child appears a bit warm but is otherwise fine, has energy, is eating etc, then they are fine. A slight rise in temp is in itself not a problem or an illness, or an indication of something serious about to happen. Kids have fluctuations in temperature.

A child can however be really poorly without even developing a temp. Her point was partly that it is important not to rely on temperature as the be-all-and-end-all to tell you if your child is ill or not - it may not rise and you may miss something as serious as meningitis if you are using temperature as your defining feature of illness. A child who is listless, won't eat, complains of headaches or similar is more likely to be genuinely ill than a kid who is half a degree above normal.

From what I can see, the OP started out seeming to say that her dd had been kept off with a temperature (37-39), and no other symptoms were mentioned initially. I think this is why the majority of people are saying the child should be in school - 37 is well within normal so I don't even count it as a temperature. If this really is the only problem and there are no other symptoms on this occasion then I'd agree with the dose of calpol and send her in. There's a big difference between 37 and 39 though, and I'd expect to see other problems arising as it got to or above 39 (certainly my dd gets weepy, sleeps almost constantly, won't eat and often refuses to drink by the time her temp hits that high). If she's got or has only just finished d&v, if there are other things than just a small temp going on (listless, won't eat etc) then keep her home regardless of whether her temp is 'normal' or not. But a small rise in temp on it's own isn't really a need to worry.

The level of absence I would say is worrying. What it is difficult to work out is how often the absences are occuring a) due to problems like d&v, or genuine fevers where the child is properly ill, in which case they are unavoidable or b) how often they are occurring because the child's temp is a 'bit high' even if no other symptoms are present. If it's more often the latter, then the low attendance is avoidable. It's not going to be unavoidable every time, but the attendance can be improved if you don't add to the necessary absences with unecessary ones (which I would say are the ones just due to a slight temp with no other symptoms present).

Sorry this is long but I was trying to be as clear as possible.

yellowhousewithareddoor · 18/03/2013 17:32

Op has already said (page 4 ) she thinks everyone should keep children off for a 'cough or runny nose'. Just as well they don't as there would be hardly anyone in school!

If this is her approach I think its clear why school are worried!!

IneedAsockamnesty · 18/03/2013 17:41

My rule is,if I would stay off work for the same thing or it could make others quite poorly then its stay home.

HeadfirstForHalos · 18/03/2013 17:46

Erm...sad eyes?

dc4 has them, I wouldn't let him have a second creme egg lol

Seriously, sad eyes and a cough, they go to school. Drowsiness more concerning (but actually drowsy, not just tired) , D&V definitely stay home.

cory · 18/03/2013 17:51

If ds has sad eyes, I'll know he's seriously ill. If he says "could you stay home with me, mum" I'll be phoning the doctor. You know your own child. Ds is one of those types who never want to admit to illness; if he actually does, then he is ill indeed.

And of course, we don't all have the same natural body temperature. For dd, who has a natural body temperature of below 36, a temperature of 37 is the same as a temperature of 38 or 38.5 for me; it is getting on for being a real illness. A temperature of 39 and she will be delirious, whereas I will still be sitting up in bed reading a book.

DamnDeDoubtance · 18/03/2013 17:57

Yanbu, when dd was in reception she caught everything going.

I did do stuff with her at home when she felt well enough, worksheets etc.

She now has great attendance (touch wood) but reception was a nightmare.

littleducks · 18/03/2013 17:59

Who on earth asks "do you think you're too ill to go to school today".

I always do, even when mine were in reception. They both love school though. They have never sadi they would need a day off and then seemed ok, they always then seem to spend the day in bed.

I'm surprised that so many people recommended sending in a child dosed up on calpol. That is the only thing our school doesnt allow. They will adminster calpol for pain or prescribed antibiotics but are strongly against children being given calopol to bring a temperature down and then sent into school.

Idocrazythings · 18/03/2013 18:44

I can't believe people are actually saying give calpol to bring down a low grade fever just so they can go to school; instead of letting the body fight whatever is causing the fever and get over it naturally. Even if it means a day off school at age 4-5!!! Now THAT is how you build the immune system. Not suppressing inflammation and packing them off when unwell.

My DC get calpol when they feel like their temp is over 38.5 or they have pain. (I rarely actually check the number, just go on feel)

FasterStronger · 18/03/2013 18:49

calpol doesn't affect the immune system. it relieves the symptoms and your immune system fights the infection.

HeadfirstForHalos · 18/03/2013 18:54

Calpol is just paracetamol. It's pain relief, it doesn't do anything to the immune system.

soverylucky · 18/03/2013 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 18/03/2013 19:14

Well said sovery

NannyR · 18/03/2013 19:20

But a low grade fever i.e. making your body hotter and less hospitable to germs is how your body fights off infection. Giving calpol to bring down a slightly raised temp stops your body fighting off the bug naturally.

lottieandmia · 18/03/2013 19:26

I don't think this is just down to Ofsted - my dd is at a prep school and we had a smiliar letter.

bangwhizz · 18/03/2013 19:30

I get so tired of the time off work and time off school comparison.They are completely different scenarios.At work you are performing a service that others are relying on being done.School is purely for your own benefit.If she is too miserable to learn anything, what good will sending her in do? The calpol will wear off in 2 or 3 hours and then she will turn to the teacher for solace .The teacher doesn't have time for that , she has 20 or 30 other kids to cope with.
Just don't engage with the school or the EWO.Until attendance drops below 80% they can't do anything legally anyway.

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