to think that DDs school is obsessed with attendance levels and feel offended?

[msjones80]

DD is in reception and she has been ill several times in the last term. Even though all absences were justified, I recently got a call from the school and the advisor from the council to discuss her absences. They suggested I was maybe being "too soft" and that children her age like to "exaggerate" to stay home and watch telly. I told them I only kept her home when she was clearly unwell (fever, diarrea, vomiting...) or there was a risk for the other children. I also let them know that each day I kept her home was a day lost at work. Still, they said that children sometimes could go to school with a little paracetamol, that that's how they build their immune system, and requested that I keep providing them with evidence whenever she's sick.

Now she's ill once more. She has had high fever (37-39C) since last Wednesay. I took her to the GP but she said they don't do letters, only appointment slips, and that my word should be enough and the school had no legal right to ask for evidence.

AIBU? Isn't is outrageous that the school cares more about attendance levels that the wellbeing of children? Do I have to give them proof everytime she's ill? Has anyone experienced the same?

Yes but she isn't posting about that and you are just angling to have a go at her for inconveniencing her employers, aren't you?! Tell me you're asking for another reason.

it's not having a go. i work with lots of parents with young kids, and however family-friendly our employer claims to be, they wouldn't take kindly to someone having an 80% attendance because their kids are sick, unless said child was in hospital or seriously ill. the occasional day off because of a stomach bug or whatever is understandable, but 80% attendance is a day off a week, which is a lot of school to miss if you have a healthy child.

it's just a genuine concern, because for me, if my job was at risk because my DC was ill all the time, i may reconsider how "ill" they had to be in order for them to stay home from school. i say this as someone who was always in school unless i was contagious or running an unusually high fever. otherwise it was school as normal.

Living you can't just decide your dc isn't ill.

All kids are not the same,some kids get ill more than others.

If a child has 80% attendance over their school career they will have missed two years

^ This.

That is shockingly low, and I agree your definition of "too ill to be at school" is different to other peoples.

DC4 has recurrent tonsillitis, he gets it every 3-4 weeks for 2/3 days. He has a temp, I give him paracetamol suspension and send him into school every time. I inform the teacher he has it, and ask them to call me if he becomes too poorly for school. They've rang me once since September 2011 when he started Nursery. He is more than ready to go to bed at 5:30 on these poorly days, but he is happy to go and isn't missing out on his education.

He also has regular out of school appointments for speech therapy, hospital , CAHMS, and is due to go in for a tonsillectomy and to have grommets fitted (we are waiting on a date for surgery) and he will be off for around 10 days for this. I'm not going to keep him off for 2/3 days every 3 weeks for a slight temp and a sore throat as well! Of course if he is very ill I keep him off, but don't under-estimate the value of education, or how much a low attendance can set them back.

I suppose there are several issues at play here. You think your daughter is ill enough, frequently enough, to keep her off school the amount you do, which, it would appear, is approx 15% of the time. You're following NHS and GP guidelines, maybe a little rigidly, so obviously feel offended by the school's questioning. It's not just about the actual temperature - they can have a reading of 37, but still be perfectly normal, in which case it's fine to go to school. However, there are enough people on this thread who have said that they would send their children in with a temperature of 37 and a dose of Calpol, something that I'm getting the impression you wouldn't do. So, if you're happy with your decision, then stick with it, but be prepared to have to the school questioning it. However, I might be inclined to get my DD checkout out again if I was you, just to rule out any underlying reasons for her frequent bouts of illness. Obviously stomach bugs are a very good reason to stay off school! You know your child best, OP and the guidelines you are following are just that - guidelines, not definitive, set in stone rules.

Why is it a genuine concern for you if this is not happening in your life? Why is OP's work attendance such a bother for you? Honestly, I am not being obtuse, I can't understand why you would care?

Maybe OP is allowed to make work up at another time? Maybe OP works for herself? Maybe OP is alowed to take it off as holiday? Maybe OP has X amount of days unpaid parental leave? Personally, I am allowed up to 14 days per year unpaid emergency leave for if DS is ill. If it isn't a concern for OP and she hasn't mentioned that it is in her OP, I can only think that you're hoping to have a pop at her over her work attendance.

Not all children just get ill once or twice a year. Deal with it.

I'm a bit worried. I don't even own a thermometer. Maybe that's why DS doesn't get to stay home very often

I am genuinely interested to know how you can "control" this level of absence.

Marmalade - she does mention it in her OP.

I agree that you might be following the NHS guidelines a little too rigidly. The guidelines state 2 weeks off school for a tonsillectomy. The paediatrician I spoke to, and dc4's teacher said it's more like a week to 10 days if there are no complications and it's healing well.

I suppose there are several issues at play here. You think your daughter is ill enough, frequently enough, to keep her off school the amount you do, which, it would appear, is approx 15% of the time.

Yes and GP and hospital agree and advise to keep her home, so it's not just me making it up.

You're following NHS and GP guidelines, maybe a little rigidly,

You say that

so obviously feel offended by the school's questioning. It's not just about the actual temperature - they can have a reading of 37, but still be perfectly normal, in which case it's fine to go to school.

If I decide to keep her home is because she is not well, she is clearly sick and has other sympthoms.

However, there are enough people on this thread who have said that they would send their children in with a temperature of 37 and a dose of Calpol, something that I'm getting the impression you wouldn't do. So, if you're happy with your decision, then stick with it, but be prepared to have to the school questioning it.

Again, they shouldn't question it when I'm following NHS guidelines and GP advises me to do so. Unless they claim to know more than GP or don't give a shoot about DDs health.

Sorry, this is getting repetitive.

"Marmalade - she does mention it in her OP."

I am reading it now and I cannot see where she says that she is concerned by her work attendance. I can see that she has mentioned to the school that she has lost days at work but I can't see any mention of anything else?

Kazooblue - do you mean to be so rude?

Of course I don't have a magic supplement that will stop 'flu" etc. However if a child is generally run down, and getting lots of illnesses would be a sign of this, then a supplement might help them recover and fight off the next infection.

Head my ds's twin had recurrent tonsillitis and had his tonsils out in year 2 it was that bad(they are 9) he had very little time off school and imvho wasn't half as run down or ill as his twin has been since October.

Kids differ(even twins) quit the smuggary and deal with it.Believe you me having a poorly run down child continuously ill isn't fun.

Mummy that is rubbish- link!

i use thermometers to disappoint children who think they fancy an unjustified day in bed

Fine. Lots of people would send a child with a sniffle or a small cough or slight temperature in. You will just need to justify to an ewo why staying home one day a week for very minor things is more important than her education.

One day a week is a lot. Either she's incredibly ill and should have the support sick children get or you should home educate.

I think the suggestion further up thread to just try sending her in if its 37 and she otherwise seems well is a good one.

(obviously you keep off for d and v etc)

Again, they shouldn't question it when I'm following NHS guidelines and GP advises me to do so. Unless they claim to know more than GP or don't give a shoot about DDs health

Oookaaaay. You missed the bit where I said it's your decision, but be prepared to have school on your back. You've clearly got the courage of your own convictions, which is admirable, so why post on AIBU? Keep her off if you want, send her in if you want, it's up to you.

I'm another one who doesn't own a thermometer. I wouldn't even think of using one unless the child's legs couldn't support them or they were so pale as to look like a corpse.

Most people know what a sick child looks like.

TSSDNCOP - no, I never had a thermometer when mine were little either. Like you, perhaps that's why they have such good attendance records ?
You don't need a thermometer to tell you if a child has a fever - it's pretty obvious, but what happens with some parents (and OP, I have no idea if this is you or not - but none of your posts so far are suggesting not), they confuse "a bit under the weather" with "being too ill to go to school".

The missing all that work if OP's dd is being kept at home more often than is necessary is relevant, as it also teaches the child that it's OK to 'have a duvet day' if they don't feel like going that day. It becomes self perpetuating, and produces another adult who isn't pulling their weight at work.

Marmalade it annoys working people, because of the people they have to cover for at work, both in terms of literally picking up their slack, and in terms of it furthering the bad reputation of parents of small children, therefore making it all the harder to get a job when you have children.
TwoGood - you use your judgement and common sense rather than a thermometer and 'guidelines', and you start from the premise of "You will be going to school because it's a schoolday, and if you are too ill they will call me and I will come and pick you up then", rather than starting with the premise of "Do you think you are well enough to go to school today?" (Again, sorry OP, I don't know you or your child - I'm answering questions about situations similar to yours, and on a more 'generalised' base.)

Attendance % aside, never ignore one of these phone calls or letters always respond to them in a traceable way like email/ letter.

List every absence and every reason and inc any doctor involvement like this ....

17/2/13 sore throat and temp gp telephone consultation
20/3/13 sore leg visit to A&E 8.10 am.
11/12/12 D&V followed NHS/ ofstead guidelines re keeping off school.

And list each day of absence even if its the exact same reason as the day before.

I have seen to many parents years down the line be called into formal meetings and threatened or accused to ever ignore one.

Inc a pupil cancer patient who at the time was actually being educated by the teacher attached to the treating hospital and a just 15 year old who was run over as a young child and on each absence was either being treated in hospital inc 17 occasions where she was unconscious in ICU,or attending some other form of treatment and every attendance with every appointment was documented and evidence provided to the school. The ewo tried to force her to sign a consent form so they could obtain a full copy of her medical notes so they could asses if they could do anything to improve her attendance (the ewo is not medically qualified nor did she intend on asking a docter.)

If you are keeping your child off wwhen It is not needed then yes you should have to justify your behaviour but if you are totally comfortable with the decision that it is needed then list and challenge the suggestion that you have done something wrong. But never let it slide and ignore it.

I understand that this winter, or the bit before Christmas anyway has been really terrible for germs - at least in this area. We had the snotty letter telling us our child had not been at school enough, it was hectoring and rude and written from the standpoint that we were terrible parents. My child had pneumonia (and a full-on case of D&V on a separate occasion). Which of these illnesses would they have liked him to attend with? We took it that the letter was standard form, felt put out at being ticked off, and then dumped it in the ignore pile. There is nothing we could have done differently. I do think that having one standard percentage across the 4-11 age group is also a bit odd, they are bound to get even more germs in the R/KS1 age group.