to think that DDs school is obsessed with attendance levels and feel offended?

[msjones80]

DD is in reception and she has been ill several times in the last term. Even though all absences were justified, I recently got a call from the school and the advisor from the council to discuss her absences. They suggested I was maybe being "too soft" and that children her age like to "exaggerate" to stay home and watch telly. I told them I only kept her home when she was clearly unwell (fever, diarrea, vomiting...) or there was a risk for the other children. I also let them know that each day I kept her home was a day lost at work. Still, they said that children sometimes could go to school with a little paracetamol, that that's how they build their immune system, and requested that I keep providing them with evidence whenever she's sick.

Now she's ill once more. She has had high fever (37-39C) since last Wednesay. I took her to the GP but she said they don't do letters, only appointment slips, and that my word should be enough and the school had no legal right to ask for evidence.

AIBU? Isn't is outrageous that the school cares more about attendance levels that the wellbeing of children? Do I have to give them proof everytime she's ill? Has anyone experienced the same?

senior, me too. i strive to get dd in, and she has been sent in when bad only to be sent home again. It upsets me so much to see her miss out. She a sickly child, but is improving over the last year or so.

I totally get they have to assess the parent's attitude. I have always maintained to the school that my toe is up her backside, but i know when she is so ill that all she want to do is lie down and sleep. Unfortunately she is the child who get everything. sorry needed to vent a bit.

How does your work react to you needing a day off every week to look after a 'sick child'?

So have you ever wondered why your dd seems to be unwell on a much more regular basis than her classmates? (I'm assuming 80 - 85% isn't the class average).
Maybe you should have a paediatrician look her over if the illnesses are all genuine, because something is definitely amiss.
Consistent d & v, for example, could point to a hygiene issue?

I agree flogging. If my daughter had d&v every 2 or 3 weeks I'd be pushing for a referral somewhere to find out what the matter is because I wouldn't want my child missing that much school.

OP - I agree with others that have said that your threshold for deciding that your child is ill is clearly much lower than most other parents'. She is your child and therefore it is your decision to make, but you shouldn't get annoyed by the school who clearly also have your child's welfare at heart.

Out of interest, what does your employer make of your repeated absence from work?

80-85% attendance is really low.

My DS suffers from loads of ear infections - I send him in along with the anti b's - if I kept him at home everytime he had an ear infection he would never be there.

D & V yes of course keep them off......but things like ear infections, sniffles- they need to go in.

Your work must be getting well fed up of you too.

I send them in if they perk up during the day too.

DD2 had a tickly night cough which kept her awake one night last week. I let her sleep in then sent her to school late. She was absolutely fine during the day and bouncing off the walls

I also send them in with a slight temp after a dose of calpol.

Ok, guys, the OP said a temp in the range of 37-39. So, 37 isn't a fever (I don't dose mine unless it gets to at least 37.5, unless he repeatedly claims a raging headache) but 38-39 most certainly is.

The NHS website recommends children stay at home if their temp is over 37.5.

Here's what the NHS has to say about sending ill children to school www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Yourchildatschool/Pages/Illness.aspx and here's what it has to say about fevers www.nhs.uk/conditions/feverchildren/Pages/Introduction.aspx.

No teacher would thank you for sending your child in only to vomit at school (nor would that be fair on the child), yet schools do now make you feel threatened if you judge that your child is too unwell to attend.

This past 6 months DS (5) has complained of recurrent headaches and stomachaches. I couldn't and wouldn't keep him off school every time he says he feels unwell. He went in on Calpol for 2 weeks with his headaches in Oct, and for most of the past term with stomachaches. BUT if his headache/stomachache is ALSO accompanied by a temp of above 37.5, then I know I have some objective indication that something worse than usual is up. I'm not some idiot who measures his temp every morning just for fun, and then keeps him off if it's slightly high, and I doubt the OP is either. However, if he says he feels ill, I use measuring his temp as an objective way of deciding whether or not he has to go to school anyway. If he feels ill AND ALSO has a raised temperature, it's usually a sign he's about to get worse.

He had Norovirus, infected eczema, and bereavement leave last term, so I got the nasty red letter on low attendance from school. My first thought (after I got over feeling offended and upset) was "surely he hasn't been ill an unusual number of times; half the country got Norovirus FGS". Then in Jan he got a bad cough, tummyache, temp above 38, and bone pains for over a week, and I got worried that maybe the school was right and he had actually had an unusual number of illnesses, and might actually have an underlying medical problem. I called his GP to discuss this, and the GP clearly thought I was overreacting. He said that there was nothing at all unusual in the number and range of illnesses my child had had -- for his age. (And yes, DS has had various checkups for his various symptoms, but the GP doesn't think that they add up to a "pattern" of illness - just bad luck in having had several separate things in a row.)

So the OFSTED cutoff for deeming the number of absences suspicious bears absolutely no resemblance to what the NHS deems within the range of complete normality for a child of that age. This disparity does not make sense.

All this guff about this sort of thing adding up to missing an entire year of school etc is daft when you're just talking about a reception-aged child. I'm certainly counting on DS having fewer of these illnesses over time. If he's still being ill at this rate next year and the year after, then I'll be the first to worry about it, thank you very much OFSTED, and not just because of the missed school.

Last Thursday night, just when I thought we'd almost made it through a clear half term, he had D&V, so another 1 day off school. I'm fully expecting a call from the EWO one day, and plan to invite them to come over at 3am and help me clean up the vom next time if they don't believe me.

flogginmolly no she doesnt have consistent D&V, I was just naming them as an example of illnesses that would require a child to stay home.

What DD is getting more is cold and flu viruses, throat infection which if not taken care of (lots of rest, fluids, etc) results in bronchiolitis and ear infection... she has seen the GP in all occasions, sometimes sent to the hospital too. That is why I said all absences were justified, because I have a slip and letters for every time she's missed school.

As to your question: why do other children not get sick so often, each child is different. Mine is prone to these type of infections, especially in winter and she gets them most from school from those children whose parents think that fever, coughs or runny noses are not reasons to keep them at home.

D and/or V I obviously keep them off, and if they're really struggling I keep them off, but if I keep them off for every slightly raised temp, cough and sniffle they'd never be at school

Same here freddie.

OP, the next time she has one of these very mild temperatures, why not send her in and just see what happens.

The school can always call you if she gets worse. What is she like at home when you keep her off?

DD2 has an attendance this year of 85% (which is better than last years' 64% ) BUT... she has a couple of medical conditions which mean that she regularly can't get out of bed through exhaustion, and at least once a week I get a phone call to come and collect her from school. Plus she has numerous hospital appointments which are about 90 minutes away, so can't schedule them easily for after school. All of this is backed up by consultants letters, and DD is working very hard to keep on top of work.

That level of absence without a medical condition would be a worry to school and the EWO.

OP - what does your employer make of your resulting absence from work?

A temp of 37 isn't a reason to keep a child off school.

DS isn't at school yet but misses a lot of time from nursery with his asthma but I only keep him off if I really have to (been to hospital the night before or on steroids normally) I am fully expecting when he starts school to be flagged for attendance unless he has a massive improvement but the important thing is to work with them not against them. OP you seem to be unable to see that missing 15% of her education isn't going to do your daughter any good and perhaps you need to rethink your boundaries for keeping her home.

But coughs and runny noses aren't reasons to keep a child home! High fever yes, but a mild temp that goes away with calpol, no.

If you carry on with 80-85% attendance, you will get a visit from the EWO. There is little you or school can do about that, it's not discretionary.

DD only gets to stay at home if she has D&V/other communicable disease like chickenpox or is pale and lethargic. If I kept her off every time she had a cold she would have missed months of school in the winter. The school is so warm and there are so many children incubating things that its just a sink of bugs and germs.

If I was unsure I would send her in and 9/10 she would be fine, in Reception they had a big pile of cushions that slightly under the weather DC were allowed to nap on if they needed to and I only had to go and pick her up three or four times. She hasn't been off school once since September (shes year 3 now) so it obviously hasn't done her any harm.

Nowhere has the OP said she keeps her child off for just a slight cough or runny nose, FGS!

Erm Fossil -

"As to your question: why do other children not get sick so often, each child is different. Mine is prone to these type of infections, especially in winter and she gets them most from school from those children whose parents think that fever, coughs or runny noses are not reasons to keep them at home."

Would be nice if it worked both ways,at our school some of the teachers are off continuously and some waaaay more than my dc.Sometimes they're clearly off with a bug my own dc have dragged themselves in with.

My son has been ill pretty much since October(coughs and bugs).Yes I've sent him in however his work has been shite and to be honest I've never known a winter like it.Doctor has said he's getting run down and actually coughs aren't good as they knacker them due to lack of sleep,then they pick up another bug.

I think it's getting silly to be honest,drugging kids to get through a school day is wrong.Maybe if common sense could be used there wouldn't be so many bugs flying around.

I think if adults working in schools dragged themselves in for everything bar d and v then maybe there could be some justification for this sledgehammer approach but until then use your own initiative op otherwise you'll end up with a seriously rundown child like me.

YANBU

DS's attendance was at 98% in reception year but he had chickenpox (2 weeks!), gastroenteritis (1 week!) an ear infection (3 days) and a high temp'/vomiting bug (another 4 days) all in that year!

They sent me a slip home saying they were concerned. I spoke to the deputy head about it and she said it was just a formality and NOT to send him in if he was at all ill. Well thanks for the advice but I don't send him in when he is clearly unwell, nor will I. They can whistle.

This term, I sent him into school and he said he felt ill. He did look pale and tearful but I thought I'd try it and stressed to his teacher that I was round the corner at home, and I would come for him if he was ill at school. So imagine how bloodyfurious I was at picking up time when his teacher called me over and said "DS has been quite poorly all day. He sat on the bench alone at lunchtime and he's felt hot all day" WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU RING ME???!! So no, I will NOT send him in if he is ill, since they can't be trusted to ring me to collect if he worsens.

Marmalade exactly, that's what I fear!

Marmalade I've had that-a lot.

It's bloody unfair and tbf they need to play fair.

If an unwell child goes to school,they will need I be kept an eye on as they may well get worse. Yes. I know it's a pita but if you expect poorly kids to drag themselves in,that's what you get.It's totally unfair and rather cruel to just forget about them.

Schools can't have their cake and eat it.

Having said that I got called to pick up a couple of my dc and got the cars bum face!

You just can't win.

Cats bum!

If a child has 80% attendance over their school career they will have missed two years.

This is why it is such a big deal.

On the other hand one of my children seemed to lose between 3 days and a week, every term from R-year4 with a D and V bug. In addition there were occasional absences for other illnesses. Another one had a stomach bug, which I strongly believe re-occurred every month or so for a term. I myself lost a lot of schooling one year due to tonsillitis.

Schools are under pressure to keep attendance levels up, and this is because it can really harm a child's education if they miss school for no good reason, as well as being possibly a sign of issues at home. However lots of kids "pick up every bug going" when in reception.

Only the OP knows if every absence was really necessary. I would suggest trying to boost the immune system with a supplement (and live yoghurt after tummy bugs).