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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to pay for School leaving party without seeing the quotes?

358 replies

Sunnymeg · 17/03/2013 08:57

DS leaves primary in July. Traditionally the leavers have a limousine to a nearby restaurant, a party there and the parents pick them up at the end. I know from other parents that in previous years this came to around £25 and I'm completely happy with that.
All the year 6 mums had a chat, about the leavers, do at the school gates and one of the parents offered to organize it. This is a parent who has had older children leave the primary and knows how it works. She said she would ring around, email everyone to let them know the costs and if everyone was happy she would book the limo and the restaurant.

Well, we have now heard from her, and she has already booked the limo, and also instead of a restaurant, she has booked a party session at a local play centre, as this is what her daughter wants to do and she thought it was a really good idea. She has asked for a £30 deposit and wants another £20 at the beginning of July. It costs children £12 for a day pass at this centre, and £8 for a birthday party so I can't see how her figures add up. I'm skipping over the fact that our DS doesn't really want to go to the play centre. as it is his last chance to do something with his classmates.

Am I being unreasonable to ask to see the quotes, I admit that I'm annoyed that she has booked the play centre off her own bat, is that clouding my judgment over the whole thing?

OP posts:
Movingtimes · 17/03/2013 12:07

The Y6's at our school have an extra half an hour all to themselves at the end of the normal end-of-year school disco. No limos, no dressing up like Rihanna, nothing like that at all. And we don't live on Mars.
I have to say though, as the mother of three girls, how very insulting it is to read smug, lazy stereotypes like the one on this thread about girls throwing tantrums if they don't get to dress up like Beyonce. None of my daughters, nor any of their friends remotely resemble this media-driven stereotype of 'femininity'. I don't indulge in stupid stereotypes about boys just because I don't happen to parent any myself and I'm surprised to find a poster I normally respect stooping to it.

JenaiMorris · 17/03/2013 12:17

They had a disco at ds's school, with food and drinks brought in by parents. It was a couple of quid each I think to cover the t-shirts and the cheesy DJ.

It was great, but limos would have been fun too.

I have a feeling this woman is taking the piss, although it is also possible that you've misunderstood costs in previous years.

Original poster
Sunnymeg · 17/03/2013 12:21

OK, will admit the use of the word traditional was perhaps unwise, but it has been happening that way for at least seven years. The helicopter thing is not a joke, but it can't happen at DS secondary school, as it is in too built up an area. There are several huge farms that have helicopters near here and they offer to fly the children to their proms for the cost of the fuel and a donation to charity.

DS is going to a different school from the rest of his class, so it really will be the last time he sees most of them. I so want him to have a day to remember,

School do a special leavers day assembly in the morning, so he will be part of that no matter what happens in the afternoon. The Year 6's leave half an hour before the rest of the school, so they get a proper send off.

OP posts:
NinaNannar · 17/03/2013 12:24

We had no party. And they lived

TheRealFellatio · 17/03/2013 12:28

Moving if that was directed at me I was not for one moment suggesting that the girls would want to (or be allowed to dress in an overtly sexual way, or that they had any kind of warped ideals about 'femininity', although I'd be naive it I believed that were not the case for many 11 year old girls, sadly.)

I plucked Rihanna out of the ether because she is the biggest star around at the moment - not because I think 11 year olds want to go to their leavers' parties half naked.Smile I was mostly referring to the expectation of arriving in a limousine, like a film star or a princess, that's all. But actually, while your daughters may not be like this, I really do think there will be more pressure on the mothers of girls to go OTT on the outfits and the hair etc, so that they can look 'just right' and so they won't be ribbed by the Queen Bee girls for not making enough of an effort. Most of the boys I have known don't really care much at all at that age. It would be nice if the same could be said for most girls, but I don't think it can tbh.

comfysofas · 17/03/2013 12:29

I arranged it last year the bill for each child was £35 [which I was willing to pay myself].

They had 12 months to save up all parents paid within a month.

No I have not included the whole class, my son does not play or socilise [sp?] with the whole class, I included his group of pals.

Other parents could do something if they wanted but some parents would rather other people do the running around and that is not my fault if their child misses out.

rottentomatoes · 17/03/2013 12:29

I have never heard of Limos for primary and thankfully no senior group has hired a limo either where I live.
IMO Limos are a vile show of the worst parts of our society. Excess, greed, self indulgent, celebrity wanna be and so so tacky.

Quite often seen them in city centres when I'm out and about around the country though. They nearly are normally packed full of young girls hanging out of the windows drunk, screaming and swearing at the top of their lungs, dressed in not a lot of clothes, hair extensions, glitter and orange fake tans though. Classy!

jird · 17/03/2013 12:31

fgs ott much tomatoes! i can see why kids like them for senior proms. they're just a bit of fun. makes me laugh a bit to see such hatred for a car.

comfysofas · 17/03/2013 12:32

oh rotten, that did make me laugh...

Chill out its only a car.

rottentomatoes · 17/03/2013 12:33

It's not the car and if you can't see that then that's up to you.

YouBrokeMySmoulder · 17/03/2013 12:34

Comfy I have never heard of it and I live in South London!

comfysofas · 17/03/2013 12:35

So its the naked ladies hanging out of them.

Well you can rest assured that their will be no screaming naked ladies in out limo.... just 8 11 year olds having a laugh and talking about football and minecraft.

comfysofas · 17/03/2013 12:36

Youbroke................. really I live in deepest darkest Devon and it is very common here.

Feenie · 17/03/2013 12:37

Traditionally the leavers have a limousine to a nearby restaurant, a party there and the parents pick them up at the end.

Really? How utterly ridiculous.

What do they get at high school - private helicopter?

They are ELEVEN, ffs!

MrsHelsBels74 · 17/03/2013 12:37

I'm 38 & have never been in a limo, what the hell? Hope you're nowhere near Brighton OP, I'd hate to be involved in something like this (although DS1 is only 3 so plenty of time to come up with something worse!)

fuzzpig · 17/03/2013 12:38

I'd be very miffed that she organised the play centre without getting an opinion from the other mums just because her dd liked it.

That.

And organising something at double the cost too.

SirBoobAlot · 17/03/2013 12:39

We had fish and chips for our leavers do, whole of the year, with some footballs and hockey stuff out, plus being allowed to bring in scooters / skate boards / roller blades, for a few hours after school. Was lovely.

BoundandRebound · 17/03/2013 12:40

I'd pretend I didn't realise she'd booked already and email everyone saying DS didn't like the idea of the playpen and warns the restaurant and you'd be happier keeping it within the proposed budget ,,what does everyone else think?

DumSpiroSpero · 17/03/2013 12:40

This is for leaving primary school! FFS....bit OTT don't you think? Both are excessive IMO. I would not get involved in this.

This

comfysofas · 17/03/2013 12:43

I can remember this sort of thread last year and there will be one next year.

I just wanted something out of the ordinary for the kids so it was more of a memory for them. I am glad I live where I live and parents are up for a laugh and something a bit different.

Discos are happening at school every term where I am and DS never goes. A disco is not very exciting.

comfysofas · 17/03/2013 12:44

dumspiro................ if everyone in your childs class was doing this would you still say 'no' ?

WorriedTeenMum · 17/03/2013 12:45

Exactly fuzzpig

All the posters getting worked up about whether a limo is or isnt the appropriate are missing the point. You arent invited so stop worrying about it!

Is it okay for someone to arrange an agreed event for an agreed cost to go ahead and book something different for a double the cost?

Yes/No?

IMO No

rottentomatoes · 17/03/2013 12:45

Comfy
No Comfy please don't twist my words, obviously they won't be half naked. It's what the limo stands for. Extravagance, excess and celebrity culture and classless, possibly not the best option for our young girls.

I was telling you my experience of seeing groups of older girls in them who resort to appalling behaviour because they think they're a bit special and celebrity like when they're in one. Makes me feel slightly saddened when I see girls literally hanging our out the window half naked or see the limo's stop to let one of the girls out to puke whilst her friends laugh. They are showy and tacky IMO.

freddiefrog · 17/03/2013 12:46

There are a lot of limos round here - DD1's friend hired one for her 11th birthday to take them to the Pizza Hut. It was pink, and they filled it with balloons, and they drank pink lemonade out of champagne flutes. They had a blast in it and loved every minute. Not something I'd hire, but it's just a bit of fun, and if friend's parents were willing to pay for it, it's entirely their choice.

But for a prom for Year 6 leavers? None of our local primaries have that kind of event. Last year was the first year that our local secondary had a prom type of thing and there were a few limos floating around, although my friend's son managed to convince his friends to push him to their prom in a shopping trolley

comfysofas · 17/03/2013 12:48

Extravagance, it was only £25 each.

You cannot really compare your experience with a group of 11 year olds, can you?