To think that it is normal to love your children more than your partner?

[honeytea]

I was talking to DS today more like talking at DS he is only 3 months old I said to him "Having you as my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me" Dp overheard and said "what about me! Am I not the best thing that ever happened to you?"

I said to Dp that it is normal to love your kids more than each other, Dp thinks it is not normal.

I think parental love and romantic love is very different, I am still breastfeeding DS so maybe it is the breastfeeding hormones that are making me feel so in love with DS.

How does it work in your family?

Defiantly age has nothing to do with my feelings for my Dcs. Absolutely don't get that at all but just my opinion.

But you have total control over a baby and young child. You know where they are and can keep them safe( generally)

Looking back, this was a very easy stage and it's only later that you realise this.

The older they get the more risky it is because they drive, meet strangers, get drunk, go on the gap year to Thailand etc.

This stage was absolutely horrible and you do nothing but worry, worry, worry. Suffered more lack of sleep waiting for them to arrive home after a night out than I ever did when they were babies.

However self preservation takes over and you do learn to relax. It changes hugely once they have met their partners and are in happy, well balanced relationships.

For me it's not down to the ages of the dc, my youngest is only just two and I have always felt the same even when they were babies

MayTheOdds - I really meant the difference between having children that you are responsible for and when your children are grown up.

I could never admit this in real life, but my DH was really ill two years ago, and it was touch and go at the start. I had to prepare myself for the worst. I honestly felt that although it would be horrendous, I could cope without him, because I had my dcs to keep me going, where in comparison, the mere thought of anything happening to my dcs tears me up

I don't love DD or DH more, but I love them differently. Of course I would rather either of us die than her, but that is because it is the natural order of life. I do feel that I would never recover if something happened to DD, whereas I would recover if it were DH - as you said Maryz.

DH has always says he loves me more than DD, though.

Firesidechat can see that it will be less scary as they get older and more settled.

Maryz the little bugger! Give him a hug and then a right good telling off!!

Mum47 think we can all understand that.

I love my DC more than anyone or anything.

DH knows this but still says he loves me most.

I genuinely don't understand or believe this... how can he possibly love me more than them?

I love my DH but my love for my DC is at a whole different level.

Arse. Strikethrough fail.

I think it's sad that so many value their DP less than their children. I am sorry for your life partners. We value our children highly but I for one value my husband equally.

My kids are 21 and I would save them first because DH & I are old, but I love him as much as I love them. They have their lives ahead and we have each other now.

dc-I would kill to save them,I would die to save them [dgc or dc]
dh I would want to die without him and feel he is essential to my life
Love has so many facets hasn't it?

Pam I value my dh because I know that in a fire he would die trying to save our children. He values me because he knows I would do the same.

We could live without each other. I can't imagine living without my children.

But I do see what you are saying if course.

Maybe we should just be grateful that we actually do have people to love.

For me its a differnet sort of love I cant describe it any better than that.

I too was never left in any doubt that I was second to my parent's great love affair.

Its a very different love, but ultimately if you have to chose who to save first in a fire, for example, its DCs every time! You love your kids no matter what they do, it just doesnt generally work like that with a DP

Jesus, LadyPessary, you "value your children highly"? That sort of boundless affection must warm the cockles of their little hearts.

And you needn't waste your time feeling sorry for my "life partner". I'm a catch, and he knows it

I love dh but it is a love based on conditions. I would not stay with him through adultery for instance.

My love for ds is unconditional and I cannot even contemplate the idea of how my life could carry on if anything happened to him. I know it would but I can't imagine how.

And please don't misunderstand what I say next as I have been with dh for 20 years and have been completely faithful. But I do not believe in soul mates. I don't think there is only one partner out there for us. If one of us died or we split up I am sure we would meet someone else.

I love dh but it is very different to the love I have for ds.

Yes unconditional although I will let you know how we are doing when they are teenagers.
I can understand how relationships suffer as we both take a back seat for the kids.

I love my DCs more than my DH, definitely. I would give my life for my kids and would feel like my world had ended if I lost them. I would be very, very sad if I lost DH but I would get over it.

The love for my children is so strong it hurts and is a protective love.

The love for DH is a much gentler thing. Romantic, but not really heady or passionate. Just comfy I suppose.