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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find it annoying when people tell me I'm lucky to have well behaved children?

287 replies

alisunshine29 · 15/03/2013 12:08

My eldest is 5.5 years old and youngest has just turned 9 months. Today we walked to school then I took youngest DD to a baby/music group. On the way to school we saw eldest DDs mum drive past, DDs friend was hitting her mum while she was driving and she was struggling to fend her off. We caught up with them at the car park and the mum was talking to her child as though it had never happened (I wasn't mistaken - they'd stopped in traffic so could clearly see) and 2 mins later her daughter started having a tantrum about taking a toy to school and slapped her 2 year old brother in anger. The mum barely reacted and in the end let her take it and left it for the teacher to take away and deal with the consequences. Younger brother was trying to climb out of pushchair so mum passed him her iPhone with a tv show on to keep him still and he threw it in the road! Mum just smacked him and retrieved it. After the eldest children had gone in to school, she excused her daughters behaviour by saying that she's tired because she went to sleep fifteen mins late last night and had to walk from the car park - it's about 300 metres!! She asked where I was parked and I said I'd walked from home, she was amazed as its almost two miles away. She then commented on how lucky I am elder DD is so well behaved and can cope with the walk.
At baby group, it was chaos as they have organised music activities where parents and kids sit in a circle and do actions etc. The leader specifically asked children are not allowed to run riot like last week, when some damage to the building was caused and pointed out a separate room where those not wanting to join in could go for a chat and cup of tea. Still, mums let their babies crawl/toddle everywhere, older toddlers were running around and pulling notices off the wall leaving pins on the floor etc. Their mums either ignored them or tried to pin them still on their lap. Again, a mum commented that I'm lucky that my daughter is well behaved.
Of course my youngest is only tiny and has no rules as such, but if she wasn't interested in the music group I'd have gone in the other room and kept her happy/occupied. I'm quite strict and very consistent with my eldest DD hence the reason I believe her to be well behaved - it is not luck. Special needs excluding, I think it is inexcusable for a child to hit a parent like DDs friend was this morning - particularly while she's driving, it's dangerous for everyone. To not do anything about it I believe is the mum neglecting her duty to her daughter. Her DD was going crazy in the school foyer about the teacher trying to remove her toy and her mum just shrugged and left them to it like its normal. AIBU to be annoyed when people say I'm lucky to have well behaved children?

OP posts:
JenaiMorris · 15/03/2013 15:41

Luck plays a reaaly big part in this, but then so does effort on the part of children's parents.

Be aware though OP that at least two people I know irl who swear blind that their children are always well behaved are completely delusional.

MTSgroupie · 15/03/2013 15:47

OP - I too have been accused of bring 'smug' so you are not alone. Here Brew.

You''ve learnt the hard way that parents aren't going to admit that their kids are the way they are because of their parenting. So they flip it around so that they are the 'norm' and yours are the oddity. It's similar to kids being picked on because they are studious.

StuntGirl · 15/03/2013 16:03

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Cantbelieveitsnotbutter · 15/03/2013 16:05

I don't really think you should be putting this post up until your kids are 21! Then you can say it. It is a marathon after all. Whilst my ds is pretty perfectly behaved due to luck and engagement from us. I do expect life to get more challenging as he gets older.

MTSgroupie · 15/03/2013 16:11

...or they tell you that you are lucky.

Well, as a toddler DS hit me so I took away his comfort toy, sat him in the corner of the room and I told him that mommy and daddy don't love naughty boys and I walked away.

Each time he came forward and pretended nothing had happened I led him back to the corner. Eventually he apologized. He never did it again.

Sure, some kids have behavior problems but for the rest its down to parenting and not 'luck'.

WhatsTheBuzz · 15/03/2013 16:14

are you joking, you hardly spent a week observing these awful
parents/children? You probably do a load of stuff that others would
disapprove of, get over yourself...

JenaiMorris · 15/03/2013 16:15

You are joking, aren't you MTS?

MTSgroupie · 15/03/2013 16:17

Joking? About what? (which kind of answers your question)

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 15/03/2013 16:19

"mommy and daddy don't love naughty boys"

really??

ByTheWay1 · 15/03/2013 16:20

there is a bit of luck involved, but the harder we work at parenting our kids the nicer, politer and better behaved they seem... strange... (and because we see our kids as a joint venture, our marriage is just fine too StuntGirl )- can I be smug, or am I just deluded - not that I care if I am deluded really, I'm one of those rare species..... HAPPY ...

dummad · 15/03/2013 16:23

Not sure. I sometimes feel a bit like this but on the whole I just reckon I'm lucky. I do feel a bit smug though when I see wet parents with badly behaved kids. Some are just having rings run round them. But then I wonder how I'd fare with a monster and think twice.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound · 15/03/2013 16:26

Giving a child a complex of conditional love from a parent (ie mummy doesn't love naughty boys) can have a detrimental effect on a child's sense of security and self view.

abbyfromoz · 15/03/2013 16:30

Yeah i am going to say i have a huge amount of smugness when it comes to this but usually only in private (pretty sure others here can admit to gloating to their dh after a visit to friend's house?) don't we all think our children are mire special in some way? I don't think it us 100% down to luck... But i will let friends with unruly kids believe this as it makes them feel better...
Our DD is very strong minded. There's just a way of dealing with it to get the best out of her. Certainly not a 'onesizefitsall' way of parenting.
That being said i don't think it's my place to tell other people how to bring up their children (to their face!)
Imo parents (consciously or subconsciously) make a choice about what they can handle... If that means they are willing to get up all through the night to shove a bottle in their 18m/o's mouth rather than a couple of nights of crying and self soothing- then that's your choice... You have to deal with it not me...
That being said you can't win every battle with children and have to accept a lot if behaviour is very much a part if the growing up process... Hitting at that age... A bit odd in my opinion.

SolomanDaisy · 15/03/2013 16:31

Fuck me, mummy and daddy don't love naughty boys? Good luck with those therapy bills.

MTSgroupie · 15/03/2013 16:33

Grin at the kimbaya approach to parenting.

MTSgroupie · 15/03/2013 16:34

.... kumbaya

FrauMoose · 15/03/2013 16:38

I think it's more than a pelvic floor that's being tightly clenched above...

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/03/2013 16:39

'Mummy and daddy don't love naughty boys'
And you call that good parenting. Shock Sad.

StuntGirl · 15/03/2013 16:39

It wasn't aimed at you bytheway. The OP posts loads of smug posts about her superior parenting skills and her troubled relationships with her ex and current partners. Perhaps some of these other parents are smugly wondering how the hell ali can't sort her personal relationships out. After all, it's just a bit of hard work and laying the proper foundations.

Swings and roundabouts innit.

flippinada · 15/03/2013 16:40

I can pretty much guarantee MTS junior will be posting on MN or the equivalent in 20 years or so, on the stately homes thread.

JenaiMorris · 15/03/2013 16:41

I take it he's still quite little MTS.

Will you tell him that Mommy and Daddy don't love thickos, to keep him on his toes at school?

Although I still think you're pulling our collective leg. Nobody thinks saying shit like that is OK, do they? Confused

Hopasholic · 15/03/2013 16:43

So much for unconditional love MTSgroupie
What kind of message does that send!? 'Mummy only loves you if you're well behaved' Good luck with that when they fuck up and daren't come to you.

flippinada · 15/03/2013 16:47

I hope so too jenai because the alternative is really quite disturbing.

JenaiMorris · 15/03/2013 16:48

MTS is clearly winding us up but just in case she isn't I can't believe that anyone thinks like that unless there were issues of some sort in their own childhood.

So we shouldn't give her a kicking.

pansyflimflam · 15/03/2013 16:52

smug as....................................................