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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone went back to work after DCs simply because they prefer it to staying at home?

94 replies

Mylittlepuds · 14/03/2013 14:13

Is this a taboo? Do you feel obligated to say it's for the money?

I'm at a bit if a crossroads. Have a gorgeous toddler (biased) who I stayed off with for a year and now another on the way. I am planning on staying off but perhaps for not as long - and may even consider then going back full time as an option. Just really interested to see what other people think.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 14/03/2013 14:17

I went back to work 3 days a week when DS was a baby...more so because I wanted to than just for the money although that was a factor in it.

I love my DS to bits, but for me being at home with him all day every day would have driven me mad. Plus I had a nice job where they were pretty flexible and I knew if I gave it up I wouldn't get another like it.

But yeah, went back mainly because I just preferred it to being at home :)

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2013 14:18

I don't know if it is taboo. I am open about the fact that I went back to being a SAHM for my DD, not because I wanted to per se. Everyone tells me how much more I must enjoy it. I do love spending time with DD, I also loved my job. It is a vocation and was hard to give up. I did it because DD needed me to.

fairylightsinthesnow · 14/03/2013 14:23

I went back at least in part because I like my job and full time SAHMing did not suit me at all. I am sometimes envious of SAHM when we have to wrestle with childminding crises or trying to fit in a few activities or classes on my 2 days off but on the whole, its better for me. I have made no secret of it, I don't think it is taboo, but I think if you have exercised a choice rather than being compelled to go one or other route, you shouldn't complain too much about it.

UsedToBeAPixie · 14/03/2013 14:35

I'm going back to work on Monday (DS is 7mo) and it's not entirely for the money. We made a choice to renovate a house and allow DH to career-change based on the fact that I wanted to go back to work early and would be earning - so now, of course it's about the money, but the original decision wasn't (if that makes sense!).

Don't get me wrong, the wrench of the first couple of weeks of nursery were heartbreaking, and I did require some mumsnet handholding! But I know that being a SAHM is just not for me. I'm it's the right choice for some people (I think I'm the first in my family to not be a SAHM), it's just not mine.
I enjoy having a career and want to progress; I'm coming to the end of an MBA and I think getting back into the working routine will get my brain back on the right track for study.
I'm hoping to be back at work for a year-ish before going off again if we're lucky enough to conceive DC2, and see where we are then - but I'm pretty sure I'll go back around the 7/8mo mark again. I really hope that in between I can move roles so that after DC2 I come back to a more interesting job!

Snoopingforsoup · 14/03/2013 14:37

I went back to protect my job at 6 months. I think the law changed since but the bitch of a boss I had would have sat me in a broom cupboard as an alternative/equivalent to the job I was doing and they could have moved me had I not returned after 6 months. It didn't work out as they wouldn't let me return part time and the nature of the job was 24/7.

As we were a bit skint, I needed to earn money so I got a full time 9-5 which was still like PT compared to what I had been doing. I hated being away from DC, but after a year I requested PT and the lovely Co. I worked for allowed it. It was bliss and a great balance. 4 full days at home with DC and 3 full on days in the office. I achieved a great deal at work in those 3 days and I found it fairly fulfilling though not as amazing as my career. My DC more than made up for the career. I enjoy being at home and working. I do like earning my own money. I know Mums who don't hide the fact they prefer working to being at home but for me, I felt guilty and really missed DC when I was full time. I didn't really have a choice but thank God for the amazing nursery.

Yama · 14/03/2013 14:39

For me it's that I have a fear of not being able to support myself financially. I have financially reckless parents so I'm super cautious.

That, and that I suppose much of my self esteem comes from my job. Sad but true.

miaowmix · 14/03/2013 14:39

I went to a full time, permanent position (in a job I LOVE, luckily), after 5 years of freelance writing/editing at home, combined with child care, school pick ups, domestic drudgery etc.
I can honestly say I have never looked back, and not just for the money angle either. My life is so much easier now I don't have to juggle domestic/work life.
My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. But then I am not cut out for life with babies/toddlers. It's so liberating! Smile.

badguider · 14/03/2013 14:42

I'm planning on starting a very small amount of work (am self employed) from 3 months and a bit more from 6 months. Not really for the money, more to keep the business ticking over because I would prefer to work a couple of days a week through all the pre-school years and beyond.

If I don't go back 'early' then I would probably have to get a 4-5days a week job for somebody else at some point whereas if I keep the business going I can work flexibly around school holidays etc.

The downside is putting a small baby into nursery 2days a week, but the upside is being able to be with them 5days a week and school holidays for years to come.

AnyFucker · 14/03/2013 14:44

That would be me

The dosh is of course great, but I went back to work (job share) as I worked damned hard in my career, mainly love it and the thought of being financially dependent on a man with no career fills me with absolute horror

MrsKeithRichards · 14/03/2013 14:47

I got a job when ds was 18m old. Wasn't essential at all, the money was surplus to requirements. Fast forward 7 years and due to downturn and ill health (dh) my salary is very essential. Ds2 is ten months and I've been back at work for 2 months.

Part time.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 14/03/2013 14:48

Yes def agree re the independence thing. No way could I be dependent on my DH for anything - I like to know that I can support me and DS alone if I ever needed to so yes that was another big factor!!

DS 10 now and at school and so I realise without a doubt my decision to go back to work when he was 20 weeks old was def the best for me :)

MrsKeithRichards · 14/03/2013 14:50

I'm the same anyfucker. It went against every fibre of my being, depending on dh for money. I never once had to ask for anything, it was completely equal (I probably spent more than him though) and never an issue but I just wasn't happy! It's like putting all your eggs in one basket. No one could have foreseen my dh's earning capacity more than halfing, but it did.

MorrisZapp · 14/03/2013 14:52

Yup, me. I went back at six months, although I was entitled to nine months SMP. I just hated being at home.

I'm full time. I see my job as a lovely break from my home life :)

persimmon · 14/03/2013 14:56

The initial decision was money-driven BUT I've since realised that I couldn't have been a f/t SAHM anyway. (I get very long holidays, lucky me, so for 1/3 year do the SAHM thing) Nothing to do with how much I love my son and everything to do with

persimmon · 14/03/2013 14:58

..the groundhog day nature of staying at home and wanting to be financially independent.

WingDefence · 14/03/2013 14:59

With DS 9now 4) I went back part-time after 9 months and DH reminds me often how I was climbing the walls after 6-7 months!

I'm 37 weeks with DC2 and will be going back in October/November time. It's a bit earlier and will probably be full-time because I'm now the breadwinner but otherwise I'm more than happy to go back.

I like being a working mum - the time I have at work makes me appreciate the time I have with DS (and the DC to come) but my DS makes me appreciate the time I have at work too :)

SpringlingSpaniel · 14/03/2013 15:00

I'm a far better mother because I'm not with mine 24/7.

I feel personally developed and fulfilled and my time with the kids is so much better quality.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 14/03/2013 15:01

I went back for the sole reason that I love my job. I am a better mother because I work. I know this isn't true for everyone but for me personally it is. DH is also a better father because I work. Again not true for everyone but definitely is for us.

Zipitydooda · 14/03/2013 15:01

I don't think it's taboo. Many people go back to work because they want to and there's nothing wrong with that at all. Being a SAHM is not for everyone.

I do get really annoyed with one friend of mine who goes on endlessly about how guilty she feels leaving her children 4 days a week with a nanny but still puts her baby in a nursery on the day she's off work. Grrr!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 14/03/2013 15:04

I must admit, I had massive guilt issues when I went back to work initially which didnt really stop until DS started school.

I used to buy him things to ease my guilt but stopped when I collected him from the CM's and he asked me what I had bought him that day Grin

I do still buy him too much though, but I quite like the fact that I can.

Szeli · 14/03/2013 15:04

I'm no better off working or not (in fact probably marginally better off on benefits in the short term) but I like my job and would still like to have one as DS gets older.

Granted I worked at least 6 days a week up until 37 weeks and I'm only going back 2 days a week but those 2 days will help me keep my hand in and will save me from having to take a minimum wage job 4/5 days a week further down the line. In 7 years it will be the first time being self employed has had it's advantages xx

Szeli · 14/03/2013 15:06

Plus being at home drives me bonkers! So no I don't think yabu c

Arcticwaffle · 14/03/2013 15:06

Yes, I went back cos I like working, and I don't like being at home full time. It wasn't about the money. I felt quite free to say it, in my line of work lots of people work for the pleasure of it, really.

For years, that first coffee at my desk at a Monday morning was one of the highlights of my week. after a weekend with several very young children.

Going home to them was also a highlight. but enhanced by the absence.

AmandaLF · 14/03/2013 15:09

I've had 9 months mat leave plus 8 weeks annual leave which I had to take before that. I go back to work in a couple of weeks and I'm looking forward to it! I have to go back due to money but if I didn't would go back anyway. I'm doing 2 12 hour shifts a week and my work are splitting them.

LadyPessaryPam · 14/03/2013 15:12

I went back when the twins were about 9 months for 3 says per week. And the upped it to F/T. Then took a year at home when they were 3-4, then back to F/T ever since. I am with the others above who do not want to be financially dependant on anyone and I like my work too and the companionship.