To ask if anyone went back to work after DCs simply because they prefer it to staying at home?

[Mylittlepuds]

Is this a taboo? Do you feel obligated to say it's for the money?

I'm at a bit if a crossroads. Have a gorgeous toddler (biased) who I stayed off with for a year and now another on the way. I am planning on staying off but perhaps for not as long - and may even consider then going back full time as an option. Just really interested to see what other people think.

God yes. I went back to work when DD1 was eight weeks old. I could not have stayed at home all day with her for another minute. I was fed up and going mad with boredom. I couldn't think of anything worse than staying at home, going to mother and baby groups and conversing on tedious baby related matters with women with unwashed hair and covered in baby sick. I put my work clothes on with a happy sigh, handed baby to the nanny and skipped off down the path. Baby was happy, I was happy, nanny was happy, DH was happy and we were significantly better off. Me staying at home full time would not have been good for any of us.

mrsschadenfreude that made me laugh! I've never understood what some women find it hard to wash their hair....

MrsSchadenfreude - do you really think that women who don't go out to work are all dull, covered in baby sick with unwashed hair? - seriously, how can you generalise so much? Its a bit like saying that all people in paid employment are intellectually stimulating, full of interesting, in depth philosophical conversation and saving lives all day or earning millions for their Bank. There are dull, boring people everywhere in life and I am constantly amused by the idea on mumsnet that in order to be 'interesting' you have to go out to work even if that is frying chips in the chip shop . Not everyone has high powered jobs that enable them to employ a nanny (wonder how she/he feels about their job ?)

I think the key is confidence in your love for DCs and in yourself against possible judgement. You sound like a got-it-together woman mrsshaden and I do envy that.

I lack confidence in respect of 'what others think'. I know I am besotted with DS but perhaps would worry others would think I wasn't? Or something like that? If I went back FT that is, not needing the cash.

I would say there is a 50/50 ratio of washed/unwashed hair at our toddler group

We go to one a day through the week and conversation does definitely tend to revolve around DCs and generally quite dull. However coffee mornings with friends and DCs is different - they play and we talk about anything and everything.

It was slightly tongue in cheek about the unwashed hair and covered in baby sick, but that was how I found the women at the mother and baby group my health visitor encouraged me to go to. I didn't want to sit around and talk about stitches and cracked nipples, and Ethel Austin baby vests, which seemed to be the extent of the conversation of the vast majority there.

My nanny enjoyed her job - why wouldn't she? She had trained to be a nanny, adored being with DD1 (and later with DD2 as well), and was fantastic with them - she did a much better job than I would have done. Her profession, as mine is mine. And 12 years on, we're still in contact.

No, not everyone has jobs that enable them to employ a nanny. But most people can wash their hair and talk about something a bit more interesting than childbirth, the best bottle steriliser and whether Sainsbury's nappies were as good as Pampers. I did meet someone there who became a good friend - we're still in touch. She didn't want to talk about these things either.

Ragwort seconding your dislike of generalisations - pleeeeease don't let this degenerate into a WOHM vs SAHM thread, we are all being so sensible and civilised so far!

I'm the kind who likes to have it both ways - go to work in smart black skirt, arrive in office, realise there is a yoghurt tide mark on said skirt from affectionate morning hug so everyone can tell how much DC has grown...

And confidence is everything, getting it is hard. To be honest, if I hadn't needed the money I'd have done 3 days a week, but the job didn't allow for it and nor did the financial situation. I'd still have worked in some form though, even if I had not needed the money.

And of course I don't think that women who don't go out to work are all dull! A lot of them are. But equally, a lot of the people I work with are really quite tedious and don't have any conversation beyond the fascinating topics of themselves and their jobs! I have some excellent friends who are SAHMs. But we don't discuss the children all the time (or even at all, sometimes). Being a SAHM works well for them - it's what they want to do, and they are good at it. It would not have worked for me. I would have sunk into a spiral of depression that was good for neither myself, my children nor DH.

I went back three days and increased to four days because I felt happier with my balance. I love my time with my DD but my job is a huge part of who I am and I didn't feel I could do it properly three days a week. I have no regrets or guilt about it. Whatever works best for you as a family and you as a person is what will be best for you all. Only you can decide what that is.

Yes I'm going back to work full time (50 hour week approx) soon when dd2 will be 5 months old. We could comfortably live on DH's salary, although I earn more than him (but 2/3s of my salary goes to our nanny).
My work is literally my dream job, and is a second career I only began in my 30s, after dd1 was born. I'm on a fast-track path, and if I turn away from it now I'll never get back to it.

Part time isn't really an option, but I'm quite senior so can be quite flexible, for instance will continue breast feeding when I return and come home every lunchtime for first few weeks or have my nanny bring the baby to me at work for feeds.

Despite being a creative type I'm bored being a SAHM, spending so much time in the living room (and feeling swamped by mess and cleaning and washing piles, which I'm not very organized at dealing with). I would have taken longer maternity leave if it was on offer, but 5 months is my maximum (I'm not in the UK). I'm looking forward to going back to work, but I must say having a great nanny, and the chance to co tongue breast feeding are major factors in my outlook. I'm very fortunate.

On the flip side, DH is increasingly talking about being a SAHD, and we can afford for him to do so, but I think he'd miss his much-loved high-flying career too. We will see.

Ooh would love to know what your job is Lark!

I went back 2 days a week after a year, then three, now just gone up to four (DS is 5).

I like working, I like the buzz of knowing I am good at something, and I like the adult interaction. Being at home is nice but it's a slower pace... and domestic stuff can be a bit groundhog day (rather be in the garden!).

I find people tend not to believe that I enjoy work, my friends mainly aspire to be SAHMs, but not bothered about others opinions really. Each to their own. I like knowing I can relay on myself if anything goes wrong.

The flawed and archaic expectation that parenting is women's work drives prejudice to wohm
men dont get asked why they Work as new parents,in fact it's lauded as reliable

But when female new parent works,it's portrayed by some as avaricious and abandonment.

Lets see ...surely one could down scale, eke out on one salary,why leave em with stranger, missing all dem precious moments

I went back to work part time when DS was 1 and it was a good decision IMO. It meant that it took the pressure off of me, I felt quite stressed that I wasn't 'doing enough' with DS, 'talking enough' etc. I also had days where I felt bored and lonely.

Now I'm back at work I appreciate DS more and make more effort doing things and playing with him and I get to enjoy (for the most part) my job and I get on with my work friends. I feel like I have the best of both worlds now.

DH earns almost double what I earn, so it wasn't an option for him to work part time or be a sahd (although I think he'd do a great job). He said he would prefer for me to be a sahm, but we both discussed it and agreed it wasn't in my best interests, I felt like I was going a bit mad being at home! DS enjoys nursery and his cm and he's very happy and excited when I pick him up, so I think it's better for him too.

Work isn't solely about money,work gives a purpose and self esteem
We don't all necessarily want to be housewife,and want to work because like it
I skipped back to work found mat leave stultifying.but had nursery booked at 12wk pg

I went back to work 3 days a week when dd was nearly 1. I was glad I'd taken that time off but also happy to go back to work. For me working 3 days is the perfect situation - I enjoy my job and have great colleagues but I also get 4 days at home with dd. I really think I'm a better parent because I go out to work and have that break from home. We're lucky to have great child care arrangements so our dd is only with a childminder 1 day a week and with family on other days.
I like being financially independent and maintaining my career - it would be difficult to get back to where I am now if I had taken extended time off. As other posters have commented you never know what is round the corner so being employed is important to me. I don't ever feel guilty for my choices - dd is happy and so am I. I'm lucky to have a good fairly flexible employer too.

I don't think it's taboo at all, I think it's accepted that some not all women are far happier when they have another role alongside being a mother. I went back f/t (but one day from home) when dd was 9 months. In an ideal world I would have preferred to have stayed at home until she was about 2 but although we could have managed financially I was terrified of having to start again in my career: two years off renders you somewhat irrelevant in my industry. I am terrified of being financially dependent and for me it was a trade off.

i gave up work with dd1 when i was 26, moved house fell pregnant with dd2 at 29. i ran back to work when she was 13 months old. i still remember the feeling of going to the city centre on my first day- just me, and a handbag. and i thought- i'm back, im still here somewhere.

have done various stuff since then, full time mostly, part-time but i found that i didnt feel too guilty as long as i enjoyed the job. just going now from part time back to full time in a new job as dd3 is in reception.

in truth after a year of looking after a know it all toddler and a baby i had to back to work for my own mental health.

quesadilla - i'm back, i'm still here somewhere

I felt exactly the same when I went back to work. As much as I loved spending time with me DD, with hindsight a huge part of me was missing and I immediately felt that I had got some of the 'old me' back when I went to work.

Even if we won the lottery I still think I would do a lot of voluntary work. Being a SAHM isn't for me. Like other posters, I feel I am a much better mum when I am with DD purely for not looking after her all day, every day, especially at a young age where your ability to play and interect with them is more limited.