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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL to stay even though they have nowhere else to go?

999 replies

curiousgeorgie · 14/03/2013 08:55

PIL are having some work done on their house. Loads actually, it's a complete renovation and DH and I are overseeing it for them.

It was supposed to start last month and be finished by June but due to delays and adding a few extra things on its not not supposed to finish until mid to late July.

I'm due June 25th but will be having a C Section at either 38/39 weeks... I already have a 2 year old DD and to top it all off am moving house around the 3rd June.

PIL have been told that they should be out of the house for the whole of June until the work is complete. Before that they can stay and builders will work around them. They were going to stay with BIL & SIL but just learned that they will have her mother over (good timing!!) for practically the whole month and don't have the room, but we have a spare room, and after we move will have 2 spare rooms... So PIL have just assumed they're coming to us.

My DH is out of the house from 7-7, and PIL are in ALL day. I don't think I want them there when I am really heavily pregnant and just wanting to sleep in front of the tv with DD, enjoy seeing friends and not be a hostess. I also think it will be absolutely awful to have them in the house when I'm just home from a c section... My DH is planning 2 weeks paternity and 2 weeks working from home and it was a month I've been so looking forward to.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. He thinks they'll love being here and can look after the baby / DD for me... But I just don't want that. Even though they made a joke to DH that it's stay with us or in a box somewhere Hmm

So... AIBU??

OP posts:
thezebrawearspurple · 14/03/2013 12:43

And fgs, don't marry him unless this is sorted out and he understands how unreasonable he has been, expresses genuine remorse and apologises to you for being such a dickhead.

catsmother · 14/03/2013 12:43

I knew MIL wanted to play dollies ...... Angry

(not very helpful comment)

That's why they've made no attempt to alter the building schedule.

HeadfirstForHalos · 14/03/2013 12:44

"I said that I would compromise and have them until my c section date but then they have to find somewhere else but DH said that how can we tell them to just go at the bit MIL is most excited at being around for."

Jesus, you aren't saying the in laws can't visit and squee over their new grandchild, just that they can't live with you at such a personal, private family time. If she is a decent woman she will understand. I would never treat a future daughter in law of mine like this.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/03/2013 12:45

"I said that I would compromise and have them until my c section date but then they have to find somewhere else but DH said that how can we tell them to just go at the bit MIL is most excited at being around for."
Ooh, that's a bit telling, isn't it? That says to me that, as speculated by HeathRobinson and catsmother earlier, this is a set-up; designed to facilitate WHAT MIL WANTS, and you are naught but a walk-on part to her starring role.

Time to start going ballistic, OP. I'd start by contacting PIL directly, and telling them that they need to re-plan their renovations, as they will NOT be staying with you. No more going through DH, set out to them what you NEED to happen and let them sort out what's they are going to do.

HeadfirstForHalos · 14/03/2013 12:46

"I knew MIL wanted to play dollies ...... angry

(not very helpful comment)"

I think it is helpful. This is all about the mil playing dollies, not about her helping her dil.

I think I need to calm down. I have the urge to go and stamp on my Sky box, and we don't even have anyone wanting to watch sky sports on it lol Grin

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 14/03/2013 12:47

OP Just say no, its a stressful time for you coming up, and if you so called DH wants to get stressy then he can find somewhere to live too.

Because right he is a being a bad husband, by forcing his parents mess on you, i'd like to read him the riot act.

comingintomyown · 14/03/2013 12:48

Yes do what whereyouleftit said

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 14/03/2013 12:49

Technically we've been married 6 years, it's just that it came about afterwards that it wasn't 109% legal.. We did it on a beach. So the 'wedding' of ours in two weeks is just a legality, but with a nice dress and a dinner after.

SIL gets on so much better with MIL than I do, I actually think she would get on fine with her there for weeks. But the timing of her mum coming is pretty suspicious!

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 14/03/2013 12:50

But the bit that you're most excited about is a month of uninterrupted snuggliness with just the four of you.

Why is it okay to disappoint you but not MIL?

Your DH is being a coward and a twat.

currentbuns · 14/03/2013 12:51

Something very similar happened to me. It ended VERY badly. If I were you, I would do everything in my power to prevent the IL's moving in without creating a major upset - which is the last thing you need in late pregnancy. If your dh and IL's refuse to see sense, tell them you will be going to your DM's house after the CS to recover in peace.

ChipTheFish · 14/03/2013 12:51

Your Dh is being completely unreasonable. You need to make a stand on this one.

Don't compromise.

Don't even think about spending your own money putting them up elsewhere.

Don't try and convince your SIL to take them, it's not your responsibility to find them somewhere to stay.

You need to think about yourself and your DC here. If you put yourself second on this one you'll be doing it for years to come.

You shouldn't have to explain, or reason, or compromise or justify. Just tell them NO.

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 14/03/2013 12:51

We have to go see PIL this weekend to get rid of some of DH's old stuff from there before the work starts... Maybe I should just throw a massive hormonal strop... I might never get invited back!

OP posts:
PureQuintessence · 14/03/2013 12:53

If you are not legally married, I would hold off with this wedding to be honest.

Not sure I would want to be officially tied to this family.

Your husband is being a total dick.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/03/2013 12:53

"Maybe I should just throw a massive hormonal strop"
It sounds like you do need to throw some sort of strop. At the moment, your DH prefers to pacify his mother than you. That needs to change, and a strop might be a very good start ... Wink

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 14/03/2013 12:54

Madonna - you're exactly right. I've been so excited to have a month straight of DH, visitors we invite, DD seeing her dad and playing with him for a month straight, not just a bath before bedtime, and I'm gutted actually.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 14/03/2013 12:55

The work on PIL's house has yet to start. Now would be the perfect time for them to start discussing the schedule with the builder.

HumphreyCobbler · 14/03/2013 12:55

Yes, ask your DH why YOUR wishes come so low on the list? Why it is OK to ignore the things YOU were looking forward to so much?

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 14/03/2013 12:55

Because its a lot easier to say no to me than to his parents, I think.

OP posts:
PureQuintessence · 14/03/2013 12:56

If the work has not yet started, why not delay it so they dont have to stay with you?

HeadfirstForHalos · 14/03/2013 12:56

Totally agree with Madonnawhore.

He is tending to his mum's happiness over yours. I'd be, quite frankly, furious.

Yes, yes! Throw the massive hormonal strop, after all you can't help it Wink

narmada · 14/03/2013 12:56

I don't think you are being U at all. There is no way on earth I would want that sort of setup if I had just had a second child.

I hope you can find a way to put your point across - life is too short to be always putting other people's needs above your own.

PureQuintessence · 14/03/2013 12:56

"Because its a lot easier to say no to me than to his parents, I think."

That needs to change!

madonnawhore · 14/03/2013 12:56

Have you actually said yes to them yet?

If not, no need for a strop in the first instance. Just say that it's out of the question for all of the very, very good reasons that exist.

It's March, this is all happening in June. That's two and a half months for them to sort something else out. You're hardly leaving them high and dry are you?

HeadfirstForHalos · 14/03/2013 12:56

Then make it more difficult to say no to you. Take a stand! (Not that you should bloody have to)

ChipTheFish · 14/03/2013 12:56

Don't be gutted OP. Because if that is what you want to happen then that is what will. You are the one undergoing major surgery, you are the one giving birth, it's your house; so you decide.

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