Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL to stay even though they have nowhere else to go?

999 replies

curiousgeorgie · 14/03/2013 08:55

PIL are having some work done on their house. Loads actually, it's a complete renovation and DH and I are overseeing it for them.

It was supposed to start last month and be finished by June but due to delays and adding a few extra things on its not not supposed to finish until mid to late July.

I'm due June 25th but will be having a C Section at either 38/39 weeks... I already have a 2 year old DD and to top it all off am moving house around the 3rd June.

PIL have been told that they should be out of the house for the whole of June until the work is complete. Before that they can stay and builders will work around them. They were going to stay with BIL & SIL but just learned that they will have her mother over (good timing!!) for practically the whole month and don't have the room, but we have a spare room, and after we move will have 2 spare rooms... So PIL have just assumed they're coming to us.

My DH is out of the house from 7-7, and PIL are in ALL day. I don't think I want them there when I am really heavily pregnant and just wanting to sleep in front of the tv with DD, enjoy seeing friends and not be a hostess. I also think it will be absolutely awful to have them in the house when I'm just home from a c section... My DH is planning 2 weeks paternity and 2 weeks working from home and it was a month I've been so looking forward to.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. He thinks they'll love being here and can look after the baby / DD for me... But I just don't want that. Even though they made a joke to DH that it's stay with us or in a box somewhere Hmm

So... AIBU??

OP posts:
KeatsiePie · 17/03/2013 12:38

I haven't agreed with funnyperson for the most part but really don't think she is trolling. It's a different POV, which she has put forth reasonably enough.

That said, I love Dontmindifido and herrena's suggestions. Genius. Good luck!

Thinkingof4 · 17/03/2013 14:00

Blimey, just read the whole thread and yanbu!
Just a thought in case pil's come back with any suggestion. You said new house will have 2 potential spare rooms- use one as a dumping ground for anything that doesn't get unpacked and all dh's old stuff, and other one as home office for when dh is working for home. Definitely no space for overnight visitors.

The thought of anyone staying for a month around newborn stage would fill me with dread. I'm due dc4 around same time as OP and I think we are going to limit my parents to no more than 2 nights stay. They always have stayed for a week before meaning we've never had 'the bubble' with just us and dcs and newborn, but going to put my foot down this time as this is our last baby.
Good luck curious

Inertia · 17/03/2013 14:16

I think PIL are hoping that you might think that the hassle of moving house with extra boxes will ( in your mind ) outweigh the stress of PIL living in your house. They are hoping you will ask them to keep the stufff and you'd let them have the run of your house, telly and coildren.

Loulybelle · 17/03/2013 14:34

At that party I'd say, "Gotta move DH stuff, thank god for those spare rooms"

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots · 17/03/2013 14:53

I think the 2 people who come off worst in this are the SIL & BIL, but my disgust is mainly aimed at the BIL. It was such a low, cheap, nasty shot to suggest this, while tapping into an obvious insecurity his DM has over her GCs and OP's mum. He knew exactly how to pile the pressure on while winding his DM up to make sure he didn't have to deal with either his STBW/STBMIL or his parents due to his MIL turning up/taking up the space previously ear-marked for his parents. He's either a spineless git who hasn't figured out how to deal with his own domestic issues or he's a nasty little git who knew exactly what he was doing and couldn't give a shit how it affected anyone let alone the OP.

OP I hope you get the opportunity to accidentally give your BIL a swift boot to the shins drop your drink all over him when you see him. Nothing less than he deserves IMO.

AllOverIt · 17/03/2013 16:58

Hope today is going okay OP Smile

maidmarian2012 · 17/03/2013 18:03

Yes, what alloverit said. Thinking of you OP :)

Mmmnotsure · 17/03/2013 18:38

I really hope dh has stood up for you, clearly and irrevocably, Georgie., as well as you having had the chance to make it clear what you need/want/are going to have over your pils' and your bil and sil's dead bodies.

claudedebussy · 17/03/2013 18:41

i wonder what's going on. has mil's shit hit the fan? or has bil been shown up for his maligning of georgie's mum?

hope it's all gone your way, georgie and that you don't have to deal with these people at a vulnerable time.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

Mumof3men · 17/03/2013 19:00

been thinking of you

littlemonkeychops · 17/03/2013 20:22

Been following your thread OP, flabbergasted at how you've been treated so far but hoping DH is supporting you properly at the party.

Please update us how you get on.

NigellaTufnel · 17/03/2013 21:26

Update! Update! Update!

Apparentlychilled · 17/03/2013 21:28

I've been lurking curious, and hope that today's gone well.

digerd · 17/03/2013 21:33

OP
How did the party go today? Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

claudedebussy · 17/03/2013 21:38

i can't bear the suspense.

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 17/03/2013 21:51

Hi everyone!

Sorry, we went back to DH's cousins house afterwards and my DD was super excited to play with the kids so getting her to sleep has been a nightmare!

The party was good Grin

DH's aunt (FIL's brothers wife) started the conversation by saying 'PIL told us they're staying with you! Are you mad?' which gave me the perfect opportunity to clarify that they thought they were, but they're not.

Aunt then mentioned to PIL that they could come and stay with her (she lives abroad usually, but is here for a few weeks) and have a bit of a holiday... But MIL said they couldn't travel during that time as they might miss the baby being born...

I think this made DH realise everything I've been saying and he urged them to accept the invitation, saying that the baby would still be here when they got back Wink

PIL said no anyway.

BIL & SIL were pretty vocal about their wedding and a holiday they're taking but didn't say anything about the situation... I didn't bring it up with them because there wasn't really an opportunity. SIL obviously thinks we're fine though as she said she'd see me at songtime at the library in the week when they left.

We were asked a bit about our new house to which I said I was grateful of the extra rooms for storage as we've got so much stuff and are about to get all DH's stuff, and aunt (she's amazing!) said then.. "not really the best time PIL??!" Grin

And that's about it!

OP posts:
AllOverIt · 17/03/2013 21:53

That's fan OP. DH's Aunt sounds fabulous!

AllOverIt · 17/03/2013 21:53

And fab Blush

ArtexMonkey · 17/03/2013 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dubjackeen · 17/03/2013 21:55

Great stuff OP. Well done,that aunt Grin. Hopefully,that idea is firmly kicked to touch. Once again,all the best,and well done.

HorryIsUpduffed · 17/03/2013 21:55

Get the aunt some Wine

Maybe she is One Of Us...

Mamacj · 17/03/2013 21:55

Good on 'aunt' I totally feel for u I thought my inlaws were painful.

INeedThatForkOff · 17/03/2013 21:56

But do they still think they're staying with you?

ZacharyQuack · 17/03/2013 21:56

Aunt sounds great. You should get her to come and help when you've had the baby.

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 17/03/2013 21:56

She's amazing :) she used to be a teacher and takes no crap!

They didn't say what they're planning to do but I think they know they're not coming here... I'm so excited about it I've been googling baby's room furniture for my new house!!

OP posts: