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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL to stay even though they have nowhere else to go?

999 replies

curiousgeorgie · 14/03/2013 08:55

PIL are having some work done on their house. Loads actually, it's a complete renovation and DH and I are overseeing it for them.

It was supposed to start last month and be finished by June but due to delays and adding a few extra things on its not not supposed to finish until mid to late July.

I'm due June 25th but will be having a C Section at either 38/39 weeks... I already have a 2 year old DD and to top it all off am moving house around the 3rd June.

PIL have been told that they should be out of the house for the whole of June until the work is complete. Before that they can stay and builders will work around them. They were going to stay with BIL & SIL but just learned that they will have her mother over (good timing!!) for practically the whole month and don't have the room, but we have a spare room, and after we move will have 2 spare rooms... So PIL have just assumed they're coming to us.

My DH is out of the house from 7-7, and PIL are in ALL day. I don't think I want them there when I am really heavily pregnant and just wanting to sleep in front of the tv with DD, enjoy seeing friends and not be a hostess. I also think it will be absolutely awful to have them in the house when I'm just home from a c section... My DH is planning 2 weeks paternity and 2 weeks working from home and it was a month I've been so looking forward to.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. He thinks they'll love being here and can look after the baby / DD for me... But I just don't want that. Even though they made a joke to DH that it's stay with us or in a box somewhere Hmm

So... AIBU??

OP posts:
landrover · 16/03/2013 23:24

OP I NEED to be kept updated xxxxxxx

SoggySummer · 17/03/2013 01:35

Nah they were being awkward. We have never lived any where near them. It was a jealousy thing. They wanted to come up to see our new house on X date (7 days after we moved in) we said no, but then my parents were coming up 3 weeks later to help with some plumbing work - Dad is a plumber). We said no visits until our plumbing issues had been resolved. 2 hours after that phone convo - we had the phonecall demanding we collected the contents of their loft by X date or it was off to the dump!!

My in laws are up there with Ledkrs and there are striking similarities in jealousy and expectations to the OP.

SoggySummer · 17/03/2013 01:37

What did we do with the stuff - DH sent BIL around for it (BIL lived 10 miles from ILs). He kindly stored it in his garage for 4 months until we came down and DH sorted it - well I say sorted lightly, most of it came ack with us and now sits in our loft!!!Hmm

funnyperson · 17/03/2013 06:19

Am not MIL or a man. I just wanted to put forward alternate points of view.

'He works in a creative industry and doesn't take phone calls or meetings so noise or chatting to DD or working in the living room so he's with us will not disturb him. ' Hmm

I think its a great idea to store his stuff in the spare rooms.

xigris · 17/03/2013 07:48

I'm with landrover and saffron. You will have to keep us updated, Georgie! Maybe we could send this thread to a reality TV company? After everything you've done I'm sure you could cope with a camera crew, producer and director following you about. Couldn't you? Grin. I'm so impressed at the way you've stuck to your guns

Sugarice · 17/03/2013 08:15

Oh yes please keep this thread updated georgie, let us know how today goes.

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 17/03/2013 08:18

FunnyPerson - I don't understand the relevance of how you've quoted me ??

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 17/03/2013 08:32

Sorry, I've comitted the cardinal sin of notreading the whole thread but just wanted to offer my sympathies (though it sounds like you have made your decision and stuck to it....yeah!!). We are currently hosting a very annoying relative that though basically a nice person sits down from the moment he arrives, never brings so much as a bottle of wine and expects to be brought food at regular intervals. He drives us mad even though he is good with Dd. I cannot even imagine hosting for as long as you have suggested when you are already under such stress. Aside from one or two very close friends I cannot bear having people to stay. I feel bad about that but there you go, nobody is perfect!

ScottyDoc · 17/03/2013 08:32

funny person why the need for the Hmm face?

Or are you just being deliberately odd?

Cherriesarelovely · 17/03/2013 08:33

Just to add there are other irritating aspects to our current houseguest, I realise I sound totally U!

funnyperson · 17/03/2013 09:18

I genuinely can't see how a person would be able to work from home and actually get much work done with a 2 year old and a newborn and a wife who had a c section 2 weeks previously. Hence the sceptical face

purrpurr · 17/03/2013 09:21

I don't really see the need for FunnyPerson to continually remark on this thread, I think he or she is a Troll In Training. I.e., a tit...

Goldmandra · 17/03/2013 09:23

I genuinely can't see how a person would be able to work from home and actually get much work done with a 2 year old and a newborn and a wife who had a c section 2 weeks previously.

The OP's DH is an adult who runs his own successful business. I'm sure he's capable of working out whether he can work from home for a couple of weeks and still keep to his commitments.

funnyperson · 17/03/2013 09:32

Hm. Everyone is entitled to an opinion purrpurr.

DH asked MIL to come and help, as I understand it, precisely because he thought it would all be a bit much.

But you are right. It isn't my problem. I dont need to comment. OP can do her own thing and as I dont know them at all I shouldn't interfere. I hope it all works out and wish the family well.

DontmindifIdo · 17/03/2013 09:33

Funnyperson - well, we only have a 3 year old now (currently due at roughly the same time as op!) but DH works from home regularly, and did for a while when I had a bad hip (not as bad as c section, but at least i was struggling to lift DS etc) - he just sits at the dining room table with his laptop and gets on with it, disappearing upstairs if he needs to take a call, but was there if i needed him to lift DS up for somehting, or if I needed him to reach something.

DontmindifIdo · 17/03/2013 09:38

Funnyperson - DH didn't ask MIL to come and help - read the OP's messages, the PIL were supposed to be going to BIL's, but when that wasn't possible, them coming to stay was BIL's idea, not the DH's, not the OPs, and not actually the PIL's to start with.

If the BIL's MIL wasn't staying, there'd be no suggestion PIL stayed with the OP. It's purely because the PILs will be homeless for a month (or longer) due to the building work and need to go somewhere, not because they want to help - they want somewhere free to live. Now, the DH might be thinking they might be a help, but that's not the primary concern here. If the work was already done by June, I bet there'd be no suggestion of them staying anywhere but their own home. They might want to visit a lot which would need managing, but not actually stay over.

Loulybelle · 17/03/2013 09:38

DH didnt ask MIL to help, his DB just told his parents that they are staying with OP and DH.

Loulybelle · 17/03/2013 09:41

FunnyPerson, your acting like DH is some poor helpless little boy, hes a grown man, and how helpless you think OP is gonna be after a c-section, shes not gonna laid in bed all day til shes healed you know (hope all goes well for that not to happen).

DeepRedBetty · 17/03/2013 09:55

Since 'Hide Poster' is not an available option, I suggest everyone ignores funnyperson on this thread. The most charitable version is that she/he hasn't read the thread, the less charitable version involves bridge-dwelling propensities. But if we're not careful, she/he will derail the thread. xx Self-Appointed Thread Police Grin

ssd · 17/03/2013 09:55

keep up folks, funnyperson is the op's dh!

op you are doing brilliantly!

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 17/03/2013 10:05

I don't think FunnyPerson is my DH... DH is currently running in the rain training for a 10k...

It could be BIL, SIL or MIL though Wink

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 17/03/2013 10:07

Im thinking BIL, defending his brothers honour.....expected to marry OP.....biggest load of shit i've ever read.

outtolunchagain · 17/03/2013 10:38

Funny person is not a troll she has been around a long time but mostly posting on higher education threads.

Funny I have found some of your advice on other sections really useful, I can only assume that you have read this thread completely differently to everyone else because you're responses are a little out of kilter with the OP and the further information provided. Without wishing to peak out of turn I wonder if this is partly a cultural difference .

teejwood · 17/03/2013 11:38

Hey OP it's great that your DH has realised that you were serious - and had good reason to be upset!

Good luck for the party later today - and don't let the buggers stress you!

Dubjackeen · 17/03/2013 11:58

OP I hope that by the time you return home tonight,you can be 100% certain that this idea has been firmly nipped in the bud. As the thread progressed,it did become apparent that for MIL this was more about winning the 'best Granny' competition, than anything else!
I keep wondering if BIL will be happy ever after when his MIL arrives to stay, on her open-ended ticket. His great suggestion of your PILs staying with you may well come back to bite him on the ass Grin. All the best for the rest of your pregnancy,and I hope it is as stress free as possible.