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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL to stay even though they have nowhere else to go?

999 replies

curiousgeorgie · 14/03/2013 08:55

PIL are having some work done on their house. Loads actually, it's a complete renovation and DH and I are overseeing it for them.

It was supposed to start last month and be finished by June but due to delays and adding a few extra things on its not not supposed to finish until mid to late July.

I'm due June 25th but will be having a C Section at either 38/39 weeks... I already have a 2 year old DD and to top it all off am moving house around the 3rd June.

PIL have been told that they should be out of the house for the whole of June until the work is complete. Before that they can stay and builders will work around them. They were going to stay with BIL & SIL but just learned that they will have her mother over (good timing!!) for practically the whole month and don't have the room, but we have a spare room, and after we move will have 2 spare rooms... So PIL have just assumed they're coming to us.

My DH is out of the house from 7-7, and PIL are in ALL day. I don't think I want them there when I am really heavily pregnant and just wanting to sleep in front of the tv with DD, enjoy seeing friends and not be a hostess. I also think it will be absolutely awful to have them in the house when I'm just home from a c section... My DH is planning 2 weeks paternity and 2 weeks working from home and it was a month I've been so looking forward to.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. He thinks they'll love being here and can look after the baby / DD for me... But I just don't want that. Even though they made a joke to DH that it's stay with us or in a box somewhere Hmm

So... AIBU??

OP posts:
ArtexMonkey · 16/03/2013 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 16/03/2013 22:24

Unexpected - I went for the Tiffany Rose in the mink :) it looks brilliant, I'm so happy with it!

I'll have to start a 'what shoes??' thread... Wink

OP posts:
Mamacj · 16/03/2013 22:27

Personally I would just pay for your pil to rent somewhere along with a skip to dispose of dhs crap. My mil is the same keeping dh toys and books from when he was a kid for our little boy if that comes intoy house it will be thrown out. Why do pil act so
Unlike parents. I wish I could send u
Our night nanny to take up ur room and that would end ur probs as well as dh growing a pair of footballs and not letting u go through almost 800umsnet messages when u r pregnant

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 16/03/2013 22:32

FunnyPerson - he's marrying me because he loves me and he wants to.. And we're already married in all but law Wink he contracts for various companies regularly and they have all said that even though the terms of his employment mean they can't pay him paternity, they are more than happy for him to do a few weeks from home.

And those few weeks, even with working, make a huge difference. If I needed to get to a doctors appointment he could take us in his lunch break. He can help with night feeds more than he could getting up and leaving for work at 7. He'll click off around 5 rather than walking in the door knackered 2 hours after that. Taking away travelling time, spending his breaks with us and just being in the house makes an absolute would of difference to me. He works in a creative industry and doesn't take phone calls or meetings so noise or chatting to DD or working in the living room so he's with us will not disturb him.

But thanks for your concern.

Are you actually MIL??

OP posts:
Mamacj · 16/03/2013 22:36

Funny person sounds like THE MIL!

nilbyname · 16/03/2013 22:36

op It is the family party tomorrow isn't it? How are you feeling about it?

expatinscotland · 16/03/2013 22:37

'Personally I would just pay for your pil to rent somewhere along with a skip to dispose of dhs crap.'

They don't have the money to do that.

You'd throw away your husband's possessions? I'd dump any partner of mine who went and threw out stuff my folks saved for me without my having gone through it! I wouldn't expect my spouse to go through it, but wow, that's shocking that you don't want to pass on anything of your childrens' father's to your own kid?

Mamacj · 16/03/2013 22:37

Bet u wish u could drink !

Mamacj · 16/03/2013 22:40

Expatinscotland I honestly don't believe kids are bothered with all that I don't mean to be horrible but I think that's how it is

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 16/03/2013 22:41

Yes! I wish I could drink... 3 months to go!! Hmm

I'm thinking that tomorrow will just be an end to this, and all being together in one place makes it easier to get stories straight and clear without Chinese whispers and he said she said.

OP posts:
Mamacj · 16/03/2013 22:44

Good luck, honestly, I don't know how u r managing to cope with this but I really hope u r trying to let it go over your had so that you and your new bundle of joy aren't harmed in any way xx

Mamacj · 16/03/2013 22:45

Sorry that was head- v impressive thread count !!

expatinscotland · 16/03/2013 22:46

My kids love looking at old photos and stuff of ours, Mama, and even if not, it doesn't give me the right to throw my husband's stuff out. WTF? I would honestly dump someone who had that little respect for me.

SoggySummer · 16/03/2013 22:47

The similarities to my ILs are striking!! They had a strop on about something and insisted they suddenly had no room for DH stuff in their attic - 2 weeks after we moved almost 600 miles away!!

Good luck for tomorrow.

Mamacj · 16/03/2013 22:50

I definately wouldn't through out photos I'm talkin about old dusty books, trains, washed out teddy bears that I know as mama to a little boy I would also want to keep forever but bein the dil knows that any sons partner wouldn't be overjoyed with it all!!

Mamacj · 16/03/2013 22:51

What did u do with the stuff soggy summer

expatinscotland · 16/03/2013 22:54

' I would also want to keep forever but bein the dil knows that any sons partner wouldn't be overjoyed with it all!!'

I am a DIL and enjoy passing on some of DH's things to my son. He sorted it out and decided what he'd like to sell and what he'd like to give his children.

Mamacj · 16/03/2013 22:56

Very pleased that worked for u expatinscotland

saffronwblue · 16/03/2013 22:59

I agree that in a clumsy way PiLs are acknowledgeing a boundary, by asking DH to move his stuff. I am sure they are saying " Well, if he won't have us to stay, why should we store his stuff." This is fair enough.
Good luck with the party. Now you have to keep us posted on everything OP - the wedding, the baby, SIL's wedding, the progress of the renovation.

You have created a monster

Loulybelle · 16/03/2013 22:59

My DD has a dads teddy bear that he got when he first went to live with his adoptive parents, i would feel awful for chucking it.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2013 22:59

Really disappointed you would sling out stuff that didn't belong to you because you assume it's of no value to your children.

Fortunately, the OP is more considerate of her spouse.

Mamacj · 16/03/2013 23:01

GAL

2rebecca · 16/03/2013 23:03

My husband has his old books, just as i have mine, and he has an old teddy. Neither of us are into keeping stuff for the sake of it though, and most old stuff is just old stuff.
resoggy summer I suspect they weren't being mean but more realising that if you were moving 600 miles away if they didn't give your husband his junk now they'd never get rid of it. Very few people want to have their house or attic full of someone else's stuff no matter how much you love the other person.
Part of being an adult is storing your own stuff not getting your parents to do it for you.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2013 23:03

eh?

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 16/03/2013 23:06

Saffronwblue there's only 200 posts left Wink

OP posts: