To not want PIL to stay even though they have nowhere else to go?

[curiousgeorgie]

PIL are having some work done on their house. Loads actually, it's a complete renovation and DH and I are overseeing it for them.

It was supposed to start last month and be finished by June but due to delays and adding a few extra things on its not not supposed to finish until mid to late July.

I'm due June 25th but will be having a C Section at either 38/39 weeks... I already have a 2 year old DD and to top it all off am moving house around the 3rd June.

PIL have been told that they should be out of the house for the whole of June until the work is complete. Before that they can stay and builders will work around them. They were going to stay with BIL & SIL but just learned that they will have her mother over (good timing!!) for practically the whole month and don't have the room, but we have a spare room, and after we move will have 2 spare rooms... So PIL have just assumed they're coming to us.

My DH is out of the house from 7-7, and PIL are in ALL day. I don't think I want them there when I am really heavily pregnant and just wanting to sleep in front of the tv with DD, enjoy seeing friends and not be a hostess. I also think it will be absolutely awful to have them in the house when I'm just home from a c section... My DH is planning 2 weeks paternity and 2 weeks working from home and it was a month I've been so looking forward to.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. He thinks they'll love being here and can look after the baby / DD for me... But I just don't want that. Even though they made a joke to DH that it's stay with us or in a box somewhere

So... AIBU??

I know, I'm thinking it's old school stuff, old clothes, (all for bin!) maybe a couple of favourite childhood toys DD might like... Like the stuff I think I probably have in my parents loft :)

"Possibly these people are not entirely without tact or understanding " - considering that they think it's perfectly reasonable to move in for 2 months after a CS and newborn because they're jealous of George's mum - I'd say they are. Entirely.

I think if you have been living together for a while and have a kid then he really should have collected his crap from their house by now so don't blame them. If he hasn't needed it for the past 6 years it can probably be binned /charity shopped as he doesn't really need it anyway.

Don't sort it! Store it all and sort it after the baby is born. It will be taking up that spare room the PILs have their eye on

BTW you are NBU to want your house to yourself when the baby arrives. Your SIL clearly prioritises her wedding planning over you getting your new baby settled in so she IBVU.

Glad your DH has come round. Lets hope he doesn't backtrack once you've had the family get together.

Hire some storage, get all the stuff picked up by a man in a van and sort it put later. Sometimes it's just easier to throw money at something if you can.

Yanbu at all. And I really feel for you about the bitchiness aimed at your mum. I would tell her tbh, wind her up and let her go! :o

Ooo, think PIL have accepted they can't come and the request to remove stuff is a signal...

If you (son/DH) won't accommodate US in YOUR house, then we won't accommodate YOUR stuff in OUR house.

Note they have also mentioned he is a grown up big boy now.
It's very symbolic accepting of the new reality; he isn't their little boy anymore and has his own space and family now.

I think it's a very hopeful sign actually, albeit one made with rather bad grace. If a way can be found to reassure them that they are loved and valued parents and GP, and new life stages (marriage, children for their sons) mean changes but not rejection, just adjustments, then this could mark a new start for the larger family dynamic.

Although I expect there will be a bit of huffing and puffing along the way.
Maybe this clumsy attempt to forcibly insert themselves into family life and homes of their children isn't just selfishness or thoughtfulness but anxiety and neediness as their sons move on in their life paths with their own families and futures ahead.

Don't know if you do christening OP but if you do, could you give them a lead role in organising your new dc one? Or make them first official newborn visitors? Something easy to grant but which will make them feel important and valued?

Xposts bran :o

YANBU, there is no WAY I would let either my parents or my ILs stay for over a month - we would end up killing each other (and that's without any kind of baby-related complications). Obviously it really depends on the family dynamic (in ours we all really need our own space), but if they can afford to have such a major home renovation done then surely they can afford temporary rented accommodation - I'd point them in the direction of owners direct if it were me.

Holy Fuckamole! Just read the whole thread. i'm incredulous that these people exist (but i know they do really, as i'm related to similar stock).

Well done OP tho. The specific things that (on top of the general shitness of it all) have really made me gasp are - in no particular order:

*your dog would have to be sent away
*you would have to get sky sports
*your Bil just invited them to stay at your house with no consultation whatsoever
*their response of THEY will think about it
*and now the strop with your DH's stuff (don't sort it btw, he does it or tip it)
*the blaming of pregnancy by your DH for your very reasonable concerns

Also, as an aside, i cannot believe i have been quoted on the interweb, am i very sad to be ridiculously proud? (the Roger protocol thing)

Good luck OP. Stay firm. :)

Roffle! Putting all DH's old shit possessions in the only spare room is absolute genius. Of course you won't have a chance to sort it until months after the baby arrives

When my mother is feeling a bit cross she tells me she is going to throw all my childhood stuff away if I don't collect it. It is the action of someone looking to make a point, and to wound a little, but out of a sad place, I think.

She is right though, we should do it. But 2 kids, jobs, and distance have all got in the way.

Well done OP! I think a nice, breezy, so glad everything is sorted now comment is definitely the way to play it.

We have boxes in the garage marked "Things for the children to throw away after dh is dead". I was feeling cross when I labelled them .

Ooh, Goldmandra has it. Put all the stuff in boxes labelled "spare room" and they can go straight in there when you move.

I agree it is a good sign though. Miffed sulkiness, rather than refusal to believe that it is happening. Much much better. Wade in there tomorrow and tell them how wonderful they are to be so understanding and how lucky you are to have them staying in a holiday let.

oh yes, put it all int he spare room, do that please! Tell them you have done so.

Goldmandra- genius!

Well done OP you have demonstrated a spine worthy of Goliath. xxx

His old shit = his problem

He's going to be a married man. Wants to be independent and all. Will be looking after his wife and kids and dont want or need his parents to stay. Why should his stuff clutter up his parents home? They want a clutter free home for a change. Let him and his new independent wife sort it. The principle is fine, though the timing isn't great, but when is it ever a good time for grown up 'children' to finally get their stuff out of their parents home?

Actually I think this MIL and the OP are suffering from serious competition problems. Both want beautiful decluttered redecorated homes all at once. Both want OP's DH to do the work. OP's DH is expected to marry OP, move house, look after OP and the 2 year old and the dog, whilst working from home, and at the same time oversee his mums renovation and move his stuff out. If I was him I would forget the wedding and leave the women and move his clutter to a bachelor pad. I sometimes wonder why 21st century men bother getting married at all.

My sympathies are with OP because she is pregnant. But only just. Expecting the DH to do all this while working from home in a job climate where working from home is coming under serious scrutiny is ridiculous. Giving the MIL the kick isn't a good long term solution.

Funny, hes got a family, hes meant to help, like OP raises her children, she helps with building work, she said SHE was gonna sort his stuff out, his choice to move house too, OP never said she wanted her DH to do it all.

Your a man arent you?

and expected to marry OP.

Is someone holding a fucking gun to his then.

Wow what a idiot.

' If I was him I would forget the wedding and leave the women and move his clutter to a bachelor pad. I sometimes wonder why 21st century men bother getting married at all.'

And fuck his two kids, right? That's really mature. I sometimes wonder how men who think like this survive to adulthood without someone having gelded them before that for being such complete twats.

Really glad things are moving in the right direction Georgie. Look after yourself and your bump.

Now, if you have time could you update your S&B thread because I really want to know what dress you went for in the end

funnyperson - have you teleported in from the 1950's or something? You are treating OP's partner as if he is a small boy.

I think Funny person is a man, a bitter one at that.