Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL to stay even though they have nowhere else to go?

999 replies

curiousgeorgie · 14/03/2013 08:55

PIL are having some work done on their house. Loads actually, it's a complete renovation and DH and I are overseeing it for them.

It was supposed to start last month and be finished by June but due to delays and adding a few extra things on its not not supposed to finish until mid to late July.

I'm due June 25th but will be having a C Section at either 38/39 weeks... I already have a 2 year old DD and to top it all off am moving house around the 3rd June.

PIL have been told that they should be out of the house for the whole of June until the work is complete. Before that they can stay and builders will work around them. They were going to stay with BIL & SIL but just learned that they will have her mother over (good timing!!) for practically the whole month and don't have the room, but we have a spare room, and after we move will have 2 spare rooms... So PIL have just assumed they're coming to us.

My DH is out of the house from 7-7, and PIL are in ALL day. I don't think I want them there when I am really heavily pregnant and just wanting to sleep in front of the tv with DD, enjoy seeing friends and not be a hostess. I also think it will be absolutely awful to have them in the house when I'm just home from a c section... My DH is planning 2 weeks paternity and 2 weeks working from home and it was a month I've been so looking forward to.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. He thinks they'll love being here and can look after the baby / DD for me... But I just don't want that. Even though they made a joke to DH that it's stay with us or in a box somewhere Hmm

So... AIBU??

OP posts:
BerthaTheBogCleaner · 16/03/2013 12:48

If she starts in on the comparisons with your mum I think you should interrupt and gush about how wonderful your mum is and how much she loves and cares for you and wants the best for you and how very unselfish she is and how she always puts other people first and doesn't think about herself and how easy it is to be with her because she always thinks about what other people need and aren't you so lucky to have a mum like her, gush gush gush. Then put on a polite interested face and ask what her Mum/MIL were like. And say "mmm" a lot. And then go to the loo. You can spend a lot of time in the loo when you're pregnant.

Herrena · 16/03/2013 12:54

I officially love Bertha's second post!

xigris · 16/03/2013 13:06

Brilliant Bertha! Did you go to RADA?! Grin

ipswichwitch · 16/03/2013 13:06

Aside from the hideousness of having such unhelpful/irritating/rude people to stay when you're recovering from a cs and wanting time to bond and recover stress free, how the hell do these people expect you to have unpacked and made the house inhabitable enough for guests? You're moving a couple of weeks before your cs and not only will you be massively pregnant, you have a 2 year old dd too, which means not much unpacking getting done and the spare room being filled with boxes for a considerable time.
So, apart fom the fact you certainly don't want/need them staying there's no room. I'm astounded at the bloody cheek of BIL foisting them onto you in the first place. Inconsiderate twat

Loulybelle · 16/03/2013 15:07

It took me a whole year to unpack my final box. So unpacking and have beds for extra guests, wouldnt be my top priority, after a CS.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2013 16:39

Hope the party's going okay. Your DH needs to be firmer. Not 'we'd appreciate it' but you can't stay with us. We want privacy after the birth, we are not buying a sports package and the dog isn't going anywhere. You need to make other arrangements.

They have plenty of time -a whole 2 months.

catsmother · 16/03/2013 16:52

I don't understand those (few) who've contributed to this thread and suggested that the OP should be okay with this because they wouldn't mind houseguests. The OP has said again and again that she doesn't want them and, as a heavily pregnant woman and soon to be new mum that's all that matters. What she wants should take priority over everyone else.

It sounds very very unlikley that the PILs are motivated for the innocent reason of wanting to help. Quite the opposite. It's actually really patronising to suggest the OP is being ungrateful and/or silly to refuse this "help" when a) it's no such thing and b) she wants to be on her own with her immediate family.

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 16/03/2013 16:57

The Roger protocols are invoked.

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 16/03/2013 17:06

The party is tomorrow... Today I'm having a day of grovelly DH who seems to feel bad Wink

What are Roger protocols??

OP posts:
LifeHope11 · 16/03/2013 17:09

I have been following this thread and am glad things are getting sorted out for the Op. I agree with the majority here that it is not appropriate for the PIL to stay with them, it is it is a shame that MIL felt the need to moan about the Op's DM, it would be so much better to avoid any lasting bad feeling.

I am guessing be that MIL may be especially upset as the original plan for them to stay with BIL was scuppered by SIL's DM coming to stay....maybe MIL has a general sense of being displaced by DILs' DMs, which resulted in her complaining about Op's DM, taking it out on her than she might otherwise have done. Not to say MIL is justified - I agree that supporting a new mother is the priority and it is natural for her to want her own DM there in preference to a MIL - but it may help to understand what might be prompting this reaction.

CruCru · 16/03/2013 17:12

The Roger Protocol is when posters display a lack of understanding that the OPs circumstances are different from their own.

Sugarice · 16/03/2013 17:21

Have you had any white smoke from the PiL regarding them finding new lodgings or has there been radio silence?

OneHundredSecondsofSolitude · 16/03/2013 17:23

It's not saying the OP shouldn't mind per se, just that it's possible having relatives around may not be the nightmare she is envisaging

Possibly these people are not entirely without tact or understanding and if they were to see her post partum there is a likelyhood they may, just may, be a help rather than a hinderence

Not saying this will be the case but in a situation like this, where the OP doesn't have many options looking for possible positives could relieve her stress and upset

expatinscotland · 16/03/2013 17:24

If you are not very clear and firm with them, tehy will still bamboozle their way into your home.

expatinscotland · 16/03/2013 17:26

'It's not saying the OP shouldn't mind per se, just that it's possible having relatives around may not be the nightmare she is envisaging

Possibly these people are not entirely without tact or understanding and if they were to see her post partum there is a likelyhood they may, just may, be a help rather than a hinderence'

She's known them long enough to know they won't be a help and what's more she does not want them living in her home right after she's had a CS. She wants privacy postpartum, not house guests.

Loulybelle · 16/03/2013 17:31

OP knows her in laws, if she says they will piss her off, then thats what shes says and has a right to say no.

None of us know them, so we cant say either way, buts its OP's choice and she doesnt want them living with her.

Especially so MIL can win the better grandmother award.

AnneElliott · 16/03/2013 17:39

I've read the whole thread and agree with the majority on here. It's such a special time and you cannot ever get it back. I still resent pils for sitting there through a mw appt and bit making themselves scare like a normal person would. It has damaged the relationship. I got on with them great before I had DS bug that seemed to bring out their selfishness which I had not seen before.
Do not back down or you will go mad and it might destroy your relationship with DH too.

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 16/03/2013 17:39

Nothing about that from PIL, but DH had a call asking if we could get everything that was ever his out of their garage, shed, loft or box room as they need to have 'a sort out' and he's a grown man now and has his own space... So... They're pissed off which I can only take as a good sign Grin

The fact that I'm suddenly going to have to sort and store everything DH as ever owned is slightly less grin worthy though Hmm

but is the lesser of two evils by far

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 16/03/2013 17:49

Oh jeez, talk about tantrum time, because they are gonna get what they want, wait for another DM tirade.

Magimedi · 16/03/2013 17:51

Why can't DH sort out his own stuff??

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 16/03/2013 17:53

In theory he can and will sort his own stuff but I'm trying to be really organised for the move and stuff just shoved into available cupboard & drawer space doesn't really help me Wink

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 16/03/2013 17:54

"The fact that I'm suddenly going to have to sort and store everything DH as ever owned is slightly less grin worthy though"

They were right about one thing - he's a grown boy.

He can sort his own stuff.

Petulant wankers :o

Make sure he asks when his brother is doing the same.

DontmindifIdo · 16/03/2013 17:54

point out that at his stage in life, if he's not needed it before now, it's probably best to just take straight to the tip...

AThingInYourLife · 16/03/2013 17:55

His options should be
A bin
B sort properly

He should not be making work for you while you are pregnant with a toddler to mind.

PureQuintessence · 16/03/2013 17:56

"The fact that I'm suddenly going to have to sort and store everything DH as ever owned is slightly less grin worthy though"

That is actually his job.

Unless he wants it all at the Tip, because you dont understand what is of sentimental value to him.

Swipe left for the next trending thread