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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL to stay even though they have nowhere else to go?

999 replies

curiousgeorgie · 14/03/2013 08:55

PIL are having some work done on their house. Loads actually, it's a complete renovation and DH and I are overseeing it for them.

It was supposed to start last month and be finished by June but due to delays and adding a few extra things on its not not supposed to finish until mid to late July.

I'm due June 25th but will be having a C Section at either 38/39 weeks... I already have a 2 year old DD and to top it all off am moving house around the 3rd June.

PIL have been told that they should be out of the house for the whole of June until the work is complete. Before that they can stay and builders will work around them. They were going to stay with BIL & SIL but just learned that they will have her mother over (good timing!!) for practically the whole month and don't have the room, but we have a spare room, and after we move will have 2 spare rooms... So PIL have just assumed they're coming to us.

My DH is out of the house from 7-7, and PIL are in ALL day. I don't think I want them there when I am really heavily pregnant and just wanting to sleep in front of the tv with DD, enjoy seeing friends and not be a hostess. I also think it will be absolutely awful to have them in the house when I'm just home from a c section... My DH is planning 2 weeks paternity and 2 weeks working from home and it was a month I've been so looking forward to.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable. He thinks they'll love being here and can look after the baby / DD for me... But I just don't want that. Even though they made a joke to DH that it's stay with us or in a box somewhere Hmm

So... AIBU??

OP posts:
myroomisatip · 15/03/2013 17:32

Wow! Very well said Skinny Spot on!

I'm impressed :)

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 15/03/2013 17:33

I've never had the pleasure of PIL or DM staying at my house, but i can tell ya, after the first day, i'd be murderous. Thats without, pregnancy, moving and surgery.

AThingInYourLife · 15/03/2013 17:34

Wow, well done :)

TheSeniorWrangler · 15/03/2013 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fryingpantoface · 15/03/2013 17:40

Good good Georgie!

Keep us updated

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 15/03/2013 17:42

Oooooo Well done Georgie!!!!!

They have no right to put this on you, well bloody done for showing em you will not put up with his.

CruCru · 15/03/2013 17:43

Good work.

I can't imagine anyone wanting to stay with a newborn.

QuickLookBusy · 15/03/2013 17:47

Well done Georgie.

So glad you have stuck to your guns.

QueenStromba · 15/03/2013 17:50

I'm trying to figure out who I'd be most angry with in this situation. I think it might be SIL. PIL are doing their house up so they can host a UK wedding reception for SIL and BIL on the understanding that they would put them up while the house in uninhabitable. Now that they've passed the point of no return, SIL decides that she's having her mother to stay and that you'll have to put them up instead. The cynic in me thinks that she's planned this from the start.

Blu · 15/03/2013 17:55

Good for you.

I think Skinny's list would be an excellent one to show him as to why it just isn't relaxing or practical to have guests when you need privacy and slob-out room - emotionally and domestically.

Maybe he thinks it's personal about them, and by connection, him. Tell him it isn't. At any other time they would be welcome, It is about the circumstances and ANY house guests.

ZenNudist · 15/03/2013 18:00

Just say that they can stay til baby comes provided they shop cook clean and generally help out as you're not in a fit state to host & you don't want to be embarrassed by dirty house & cooking for 6 when they are there.

Of course after baby is born you will need several weeks to adjust and bond with baby. Will you not want to be in your pjs at noon & have boobs out all eve cluster feeding etc? :) tell them you will not be able to host them after the birth. If they can afford a big renovation they can afford a b&b for a few weeks.

Compromise?

nilbyname · 15/03/2013 18:03

Well done op, ee are all rooting for you xx

Yama · 15/03/2013 18:05

Good work Georgie.

I can't remember a thread where so many posters got so angry on another's behalf.

Any non angry posters clearly haven't read the thread properly.

ZenNudist · 15/03/2013 18:34

Blush well thread moved on and I'm up to date. A very strange situation. Well done for sticking to your guns. I don't understand why your dh is trying to make the first months of dd2's life even more stressful. He doesn't sound supportive. I guess usually his stubbornness & lack if respect isn't an issue? You poor thing!

NigellaTufnel · 15/03/2013 18:37

Good luck! We are all rooting for you

QueenStromba · 15/03/2013 18:37

I've seen a few Yama. There was the one where a neighbour attached a shed type thing to the OP's house without even asking, MrsDeVere's gymbalow threads and the one where a neighbour dumped their child on the OP for several hours and then complained that she'd fed the DC ice-cream without having previously mentioned that they weren't allowed it.

In this case I'm actually really surprised that there are people defending the in laws. I really like DP's parents but I'd be really put out if they decided that they were going to come and stay with us for two months even without all of the other things that the OP has going on. Luckily they would never do that - they wouldn't stay a night unless we offered.

Kittenkatzen · 15/03/2013 18:45

Good bloody grief I have just come across this thread and read the whole thing like ShockShock. That has to be the most bonkers plan I have heard in a very long time. OP I am absolutely livid on your behalf - livid with your BIL for dropping you in it they way he did, your PIL for even daring to imagine that they would be welcome, and beyond livid with your DH for trying to pat you on the head and shush you like a tired child AngryAngry

Clearly I agree with the gajillion other posters saying no fricking way, stand your ground. I really hope your DH has seen sense by the time you pick him up tonight.

Just unbelievable.

ssd · 15/03/2013 18:48

op, my guess is that SIL has been in the family longer than you and knows the in laws and their mad ways better, hence the reason she arranged for her mother to visit to coincide with the house renovations?

Pudgy2011 · 15/03/2013 18:48

Holy balls - words have completely and utterly failed me and I only read the first 10 pages and then the last one of this thread.

OP stand strong, we are ALL behind you. These people are fucking bat shit crazy if they think this is normal? You poor poor thing. I'm so glad you're standing up for yourself.

Perhaps print this entire thread out a few times, give one to DH, post a copy to PIL and another to BIL and SIL... at least they might then have an idea how detestable they all are.

expatinscotland · 15/03/2013 18:53

'Just say that they can stay til baby comes provided they shop cook clean and generally help out as you're not in a fit state to host & you don't want to be embarrassed by dirty house & cooking for 6 when they are there.'

NO WAY. They won't leave. The OP is not breastfeeding as she stated she had multiple breast surgeries a while back.

Good for you, georgie!

Iteotwawki · 15/03/2013 18:58

I have 2 boys so I am likely to end up as a MiL at some point. But this situation will never be "meeee" - because I'm not insensitive enough to dump myself on my children for weeks on end so soon after a house move / major surgery / new baby. And if I lost my mental faculties temporarily and suggested something along these lines, DH would take me to one side and gently point out my utter lunacy at which point (I hope) I would come to my senses and apologise.

If I were the MiL I'd be looking at short term lets, offering to come round with food / cleaning products / laundry powder and take care of house and chores so DiL could get on with baby bonding and reassuring 2 yo.

I also FF and it was even more important to me to be the one feeding to make sure bonding went ok. I felt such a failure over the BF if someone else had whisked my baby away and taken care of feeding them I'd have felt useless, unneeded and more depressed than I did. It's vital that Georgie does most feeds regardless of bottles vs boobs.

Yama · 15/03/2013 18:59

Yes, QueenStromba you are right. However, I think that this has struck such a chord with all of us is that we (most of us anyway) have had a newborn and can really imagine what this fuckwittedness would feel like.

It is more than mere unreasonableness.

MadamGazelleIsMyMum · 15/03/2013 18:59

Well done OP. Lets hope your DH has manned the fuck up and set his parents straight!

seriouscakeeater · 15/03/2013 19:09

Well done OP skinny what a fab list!!

Pudgy2011 · 15/03/2013 19:18

OP must be picking DH up now - I hope he's cowboyed the fuck up and set his parents straight...