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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for not wanting to turn my daughter's birthday party into SiL's engagement party?

120 replies

freddiefrog · 13/03/2013 12:04

We live several hundred miles away from our families. For the last couple of years my parents have visited at the weekend near my children's birthdays. We've always invited MiL too but she's always refused to come here (we have a spare room, her and step-FiL are perfectly fit and healthy drivers). In fact, in the 10 years we've lived here she's visited once (we visit about once every 6 weeks/2 months)

It's DD2's birthday in a couple of weeks. She's asked for a swimming party and as her birthday is on a Saturday this year, her party is on her actual birthday.

MiL has kicked up a fuss that she never gets to see my girls on their birthday and wants us to travel up to see them for DD's birthday. We refused, and she got a bit shirty so DH reminded her that she is invited to come here (as she is every year), so if she really wants to see DD she'll have to get off her arse (or wait until we go back for the weekend at the end of the easter holidays) so this year she's decided to come.

All fine.

Until last night.

SiL has recently got engaged and MiL wants to bring SiL and her partner down with her. Again, all fine.

Except, MiL announced that she wants to use the occasion of DD's birthday party to have a 'select gathering' for SiL's engagement. I thought she meant she wanted to go out for a nice dinner or something in the evening, but no, this 'select gathering' is to take place in the local swimming pool in the middle of my daughter's birthday party.

She wants the birthday tea table to be decorated with engagement decorations and have champagne toasts while the children and their parents (who are completely unknown to MiL and SiL) tuck into their sausage rolls and jelly.

I really thought she was joking so I laughed a lot but it seems she's being completely serious.

I'm not sure if SiL knows about this madness yet, DH hasn't had a chance to contact her

It's just odd isn't it?

OP posts:
5alive4life · 13/03/2013 12:07

NO NO NO! i find this suggestion very strange. do SIL and her partner know about this plan? I am planning my own engagement party atm and this would not be something I would even consider!

SecretNutellaFix · 13/03/2013 12:07

I would be howling with laughter. It sounds as though she wants you to pay for it hence the mad idea.

Sugarice · 13/03/2013 12:09

MiL is a loon, I hope you said absolutely no bloody chance that this is going to take place!

How bizarre!

anonacfr · 13/03/2013 12:09

It is odd. I doubt the swimming pool would accommodate it and I expect your SIL would be tad embarrassed.

Tell her you'll have a nice evening meal with drinks instead.

Floggingmolly · 13/03/2013 12:09

She's barking! Shock

Sugarice · 13/03/2013 12:10

'Select gathering' sounds very Hyacinth Bucket Grin

MonaLotte · 13/03/2013 12:10

I wouldn't want my engagement party to be held at a children's pool party. How odd! Does SIL know? If she does she's as weird as mil!

youmaycallmeSSP · 13/03/2013 12:10

YANBU. How extremely odd. Go with your meal out.

Hassled · 13/03/2013 12:11

Bloody hell that is BARKING. I can't imagine the SIL knows - who the hell wants to toast their engagement to the smell of chlorine?

Get your DH to call SIL and say "would be lovely to see you but you realise you'll look like a nutter if you have an engagement party in the middle of your niece's brithday party, don't you?"

Thumbwitch · 13/03/2013 12:13

Two words:
FUCK THAT.

How moronic is your MIL to imagine that you would accept her DD's engagement outweighing your DD's birthday, when it's YOUR party for YOUR DD??

Bollocks to it.

DeWe · 13/03/2013 12:13

Tell her the venue doesn't allow you to have alcohol aorund a children's party. Anyway the venue does their own decoration, don't they.

If I was your sil I'd hate it too.

cory · 13/03/2013 12:14

This is one of the best Mumsnet OPs ever. A select gathering at a children's swimming pool party. Grin Grin Grin

Sugarice · 13/03/2013 12:14

This has potential to be a cracking thread freddie Grin

Original poster
freddiefrog · 13/03/2013 12:15

I'm pretty sure SiL doesn't know. If SiL wanted an engagement party she'd have a big one, where she lives, with her own friends. Not in the middle of her neice's birthday party, in the local pool, with a few of my school mum friends.

It's mad!

Our pool is a all-in-one leisure centre type place, there is a bar, so the champagne part of it would be ok, but the nuttiness of the whole idea is just off the scale.

I've no idea where MiL gets her ideas from

OP posts:
bloodyschool · 13/03/2013 12:15

I am sorry but this made me LOL. A select engagement party at a swimming pool! You couldn't make this stuff up!!!

BeeBopDingALing · 13/03/2013 12:19

That is really odd. There is no way that should happen and your MIL sounds like a total loon. If she is serious I think you and DH will need to put your foot down.

Sugarice · 13/03/2013 12:21

What did you say when she told her of her cunning plan?

Hassled · 13/03/2013 12:22

Actually I'm coming round to the idea. It could be themed - all the adults in swimwear, decorative armbands as table centrepieces, and the cake (in the shape of a flume - I'm sure it will be a doddle) can be served on one of those float things.

You'll have to make sure the champagne is wee-coloured for that genuine "drinking swimming pool water" experience.

Games can include "how fast can you blow-dry your pubes in the changing room?" and "how many lockers can you occupy with your possessions?"

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 13/03/2013 12:24

Omg. I don't honestly no who to feel more sorry for. You or your SiL.

UANBU

UMIListotallyinsane

CookieLady · 13/03/2013 12:24

Couldn't stop chuckling when I read your post, op. Your m-i-l is, as others have pointed, absolutely barking.

KatherinaMinola · 13/03/2013 12:24

No, not U at all. Tell them to bugger off.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 13/03/2013 12:26

Has she ever been to a kids swimming party?? Loud, hot and so not the place for an adult gathering.

YANBU and what a crazy bat she sounds :)

SecretNutellaFix · 13/03/2013 12:27

I will change what I said about her wanting you to pay. I think it's more that she doesn't want to pay for what your sil expects.

SimplyRedHead · 13/03/2013 12:27

If you live several hundred miles away from family, who exactly does MIL plan to invite as the 'select few'?

Is it just you, DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and Fiancé??!??

It's sweet that she wants to make a fuss of SIL with you and your DH but I'm not sure she's really thought this one through!!!

Pandemoniaa · 13/03/2013 12:28

Utterly bonkers. You could, of course, suggest that it seems hardly fair on your SIL to have to celebrate her engagement amongst complete strangers in an unknown leisure centre. Because if you suggest it is inappropriate to occur at your dd's birthday party I'm assuming you'll be painted as the unreasonable DIL. But certainly suggest that going out to dinner (or similar) would be nicer for everyone.

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