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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

for not wanting to turn my daughter's birthday party into SiL's engagement party?

120 replies

freddiefrog · 13/03/2013 12:04

We live several hundred miles away from our families. For the last couple of years my parents have visited at the weekend near my children's birthdays. We've always invited MiL too but she's always refused to come here (we have a spare room, her and step-FiL are perfectly fit and healthy drivers). In fact, in the 10 years we've lived here she's visited once (we visit about once every 6 weeks/2 months)

It's DD2's birthday in a couple of weeks. She's asked for a swimming party and as her birthday is on a Saturday this year, her party is on her actual birthday.

MiL has kicked up a fuss that she never gets to see my girls on their birthday and wants us to travel up to see them for DD's birthday. We refused, and she got a bit shirty so DH reminded her that she is invited to come here (as she is every year), so if she really wants to see DD she'll have to get off her arse (or wait until we go back for the weekend at the end of the easter holidays) so this year she's decided to come.

All fine.

Until last night.

SiL has recently got engaged and MiL wants to bring SiL and her partner down with her. Again, all fine.

Except, MiL announced that she wants to use the occasion of DD's birthday party to have a 'select gathering' for SiL's engagement. I thought she meant she wanted to go out for a nice dinner or something in the evening, but no, this 'select gathering' is to take place in the local swimming pool in the middle of my daughter's birthday party.

She wants the birthday tea table to be decorated with engagement decorations and have champagne toasts while the children and their parents (who are completely unknown to MiL and SiL) tuck into their sausage rolls and jelly.

I really thought she was joking so I laughed a lot but it seems she's being completely serious.

I'm not sure if SiL knows about this madness yet, DH hasn't had a chance to contact her

It's just odd isn't it?

OP posts:
Blu · 13/03/2013 13:53

Fabulous, the whole thing sounds like the beginnings of a great Mike Leigh film.

"From speaking to her about wedding plans, she and BiL just want to slope off for a quiet registry office do." Completely understandable. Before MIL books a nice wedding in the middle of a soft play centre, and the reception in the food court at the Moto Service station on the M6 on Cup Final saturday.

ChasedByBees · 13/03/2013 14:08

That is fantastic! Do it and report back Grin

dramajustfollowsme · 13/03/2013 14:15

Bahahaha! Grin

bigfuckoffpie · 13/03/2013 14:19

Please can you get the kids to do a special synchronised swimming display for the happy couple? It will be ace.

RubyrooUK · 13/03/2013 14:26

Grin Oh Freddie, my MIL once asked if she could bring her own cake to a wedding to celebrate FIL's birthday. It was not a family wedding (like ours, say) where we might have been happy to mention his birthday in the speeches and have a toast. It was a wedding where they were guests.

Unsurprisingly, the bride and groom weren't up for a section of their wedding where FIL got his own cake out and everyone sung happy birthday.

I actually love my PIL a lot but did wonder if on this occasion, MIL had been inhaling the same stuff as FreddieFrog's MIL seems to have been snorting to come up with this idea....Grin

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 13/03/2013 14:38

This needs to go into Classics Grin

Still18atheart · 13/03/2013 14:44

YANBU Your MIL sounds crackers

ginslinger · 13/03/2013 14:45

I have never knowingly been invited to a select gathering. How wonderful - please say yes. Take photos and open a thread.

AThingInYourLife · 13/03/2013 14:51

"I want to be this MIL when i grow up!!"

Me too!

Select gatherings and champagne at every occasion. :o

"Unsurprisingly, the bride and groom weren't up for a section of their wedding where FIL got his own cake out and everyone sung happy birthday."

:o

Fucking bride and groomzilla!

Howling with laughter at that one.

I might incorporate cake into my inappropriate select champagne gatherings when I'm a MIL.

:o

Sugarice · 13/03/2013 14:52

Rubyroo Oh My Good God! Grin

RenterNomad · 13/03/2013 14:53

Your poor DD and SIL!

fuzzpig · 13/03/2013 15:01

Love it!

Bizarrely my DD had happy birthday sung to her at a wedding - in my defence it was her 5th birthday and was entirely the happy couple's idea! :o

MummytoKatie · 13/03/2013 15:03

So it will be an open pool section with your dd's party and your SIL's select engagement party all going on at once?

Is anyone else planning to go and hang around their local leisure centre in a couple of weeks in the hope they get mistaken for a "select" stranger (as opposed to a random stranger) and I get offered champers?

(And I am pregnant and can't even drink the champers!)

Tailtwister · 13/03/2013 15:47

Absolutely not! What a ridiculous idea. Apart from hijacking your DD's party, I can't imagine your SIL is particularly taken with the idea either. Tell her to arrange something separately for the evening.

Leeds2 · 13/03/2013 17:28

I would advise your SIL to go shopping on the afternoon of the party!

Lancelottie · 13/03/2013 17:36

Do it do it do it.

Prospective Son-in-Law* needs this one last chance to see what he's letting himself in for, after all.

*(? assuming SIL is MIL's DD, IYSWIM)

simplesusan · 13/03/2013 17:37

What more can I add...

Your mil sounds as mad as a hatter.

Who will get to drink the champers though?
Imagine all the parents of your dd's friends. Are they quite select enough to sample a tipple and how will mil broach the subject?

All I can say is I bet you are relieved that you live a long way from her.

fiftyval · 13/03/2013 17:43

Your poor SIL !
I can think of nothing worse given that I can't be near an municipal indoor pool without getting a streaming nose and eyes. Perhaps your SIL should discover she has a similar allergy.

Pandemoniaa · 13/03/2013 17:44

I'm a tad thrown by the very idea that you could combine the words "select gathering to celebrate engagement" and "swimming pool" in the same sentence. Let alone attempt to do so in reality.

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 13/03/2013 17:50

Jesus... And I thought my mil was barking!

I'm looking forward to hearing sil's opinion of this notion Grin

TidyDancer · 13/03/2013 18:03

Ooh I have enjoyed this thread! What is the matter with some people?!

MIL is bonkers and YANBU.

middleagedspread · 13/03/2013 18:14

Marking place for SIL's response.
What if she says "splendid idea, shall we have a dress code?"

freddiefrog · 13/03/2013 18:14

DH just spoke to SiL (yes, SiL is MiL's daughter, DH's sister)

MiL had spoken to her about marking the occasion somehow, but assumed as we did - dinner out somewhere posh-ish in the evening.

She was off to have a word with her mother once she'd stopped laughing and regained the ability to speak coherently

OP posts:
anonacfr · 13/03/2013 18:34
Grin
sjupes · 13/03/2013 18:47

i love that your SIL found it funny how shocking and hilarious it would be for her to totally agree and infer you were somehow out of turn for mentioning it Grin