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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for not wanting to turn my daughter's birthday party into SiL's engagement party?

120 replies

freddiefrog · 13/03/2013 12:04

We live several hundred miles away from our families. For the last couple of years my parents have visited at the weekend near my children's birthdays. We've always invited MiL too but she's always refused to come here (we have a spare room, her and step-FiL are perfectly fit and healthy drivers). In fact, in the 10 years we've lived here she's visited once (we visit about once every 6 weeks/2 months)

It's DD2's birthday in a couple of weeks. She's asked for a swimming party and as her birthday is on a Saturday this year, her party is on her actual birthday.

MiL has kicked up a fuss that she never gets to see my girls on their birthday and wants us to travel up to see them for DD's birthday. We refused, and she got a bit shirty so DH reminded her that she is invited to come here (as she is every year), so if she really wants to see DD she'll have to get off her arse (or wait until we go back for the weekend at the end of the easter holidays) so this year she's decided to come.

All fine.

Until last night.

SiL has recently got engaged and MiL wants to bring SiL and her partner down with her. Again, all fine.

Except, MiL announced that she wants to use the occasion of DD's birthday party to have a 'select gathering' for SiL's engagement. I thought she meant she wanted to go out for a nice dinner or something in the evening, but no, this 'select gathering' is to take place in the local swimming pool in the middle of my daughter's birthday party.

She wants the birthday tea table to be decorated with engagement decorations and have champagne toasts while the children and their parents (who are completely unknown to MiL and SiL) tuck into their sausage rolls and jelly.

I really thought she was joking so I laughed a lot but it seems she's being completely serious.

I'm not sure if SiL knows about this madness yet, DH hasn't had a chance to contact her

It's just odd isn't it?

OP posts:

sjupes · 13/03/2013 12:28

hassled you made me lol just as much as the original post did

freddiefrog your MIL is quite obviously lost from her kennel

Original poster

freddiefrog · 13/03/2013 12:32

"would be lovely to see you but you realise you'll look like a nutter if you have an engagement party in the middle of your niece's brithday party, don't you?"

More to the point, I'm going to look like a nutter if I allow this madness to go ahead and I'm the one who lives here.

What did you say when she told her of her cunning plan?

Once I'd stopped laughing and realised she was actually being completely serious, I said I'd get DH to ring her, although with Hassled's party game ideas, I might be a goer . Perhaps we would could merge SiL's hen night with a sleepover for my eldest daughter.

I don't think SiL wants a party at all. From speaking to her about wedding plans, she and BiL just want to slope off for a quiet registry office do. She doesn't want anything big. If she wanted a party she'd organise it herself.

I think MiL wants to show off as the mother of the bride to be

OP posts:

diddl · 13/03/2013 12:34

Oh that is bonkers!

How far apart are you all?

It would be lovely if they all wanted to come to you & have a meal out.

But hijack a children's party??!!

Who else was she thinking of inviting?

I'm just trying to imagine the bewildered faces of the mums & kids

Blatherskite · 13/03/2013 12:34

Your MIL is 3 stops from Plaistow!

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 13/03/2013 12:35

Hmm lovely just where I wish I'd had my engagement party!

Pandemoniaa · 13/03/2013 12:37

Your MIL is 3 stops from Plaistow!

Bow Road?

Hullygully · 13/03/2013 12:37

Too fabulous for words.

Do it.

It will be utterly surreal. How SIL will enjoy her party.

SpringHare · 13/03/2013 12:38

It's a hilarious image. Would there be party bags?

Original poster

freddiefrog · 13/03/2013 12:38

Is it just you, DH, MIL, FIL, SIL and Fiancé??!??

Yep, plus my Mum and Dad and both my DDs, with a few of my school mum friends who will probably hang around in the bar and 11 other kids she doesn't know from Adam

A nice meal in a posh restaurant with some champagne would be so much nicer and less embarrassing for everyone

OP posts:

DontmindifIdo · 13/03/2013 12:39

do it, but only if you make everyone in the 'select gathering' get in their swimmers and join in the pool party! Talk to SIL.

TheCraicDealer · 13/03/2013 12:40

Is this supposed to be a surprise for your SIL? Because if it is, there's great potential for your MIL to be taking an planned trip into the pool once your SIL sees the decorations.

You may wish to reconsider.

shesariver · 13/03/2013 12:40

Hahahahaha!!! Not in the least bit helpful but I cant think straight for laughing sorry

diddl · 13/03/2013 12:41

I'm thinking also that the mums/children who will be at your daughter's party are strangers to SIL & her fiance?

Was she this excited when you & her son got engaged??

Crinkle77 · 13/03/2013 12:41

Is she mad or what? Why would people want to go to a gathering at a swimming pool. I think you need to put your foot down or rather your husband does. As for your daughters tea party it is unfair of her to hijack that. Could you compromise by saying once the children's party is over that you could have an adult party?

Bobyan · 13/03/2013 12:41

I think you should go ahead with it on the the condition that mil has to wear her swimming costume and pay the bill...

Kat101 · 13/03/2013 12:42

I would so love to be one of the select gathering :)

ATouchOfStuffing · 13/03/2013 12:43

Don't do it. I massively resented my last b.f inviting 4 families and their kids two days before DD's 1st b.days; it made everything really stressful as I had to cook more food, do 6 more party bags for wildly different ages. I had planned it for a couple of months and made the party bags for her actual friends in advance to save stress. All I can say is I hated him that day and it turned what should have been a relatively stress free party with a few friends into a large social gathering with people I barely knew who wanted tours of my house
Do what you want or you will always have the wrong memories :)

NorthernLurker · 13/03/2013 12:44

Whatever you do make sure sil's bloke doesn't get to know of this. His future mil's clear and present total off the wall craziness would be a good reason to call off the wedding!

SpecialAgentKat · 13/03/2013 12:44

And I thought my MIL was a controlling PITA...

Thank you OP, my MIL is a saint now.

Veneto · 13/03/2013 12:48

This is such a great idea that I think you should agree. Imagine the facebook photos. Flume cake would be fantastic. We would all of course want to see the photos, especially the one of your SIL pushing your MIL in the pool as a thank you.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 13/03/2013 12:48

can i come? i love swimming and your sil doesnt know me

what a crazy suggestion! cant wait to find out what your sil says about it all

Veneto · 13/03/2013 12:51

In all honesty I can't even figure out how your MIL even came up with this one.

Original poster

freddiefrog · 13/03/2013 12:51

Is this supposed to be a surprise for your SIL? I think it must be. I'm sure SiL hasn't agreed to it. DH has tried to ring and warn her, but hasn't got hold of her yet

Was she this excited when you & her son got engaged?? Kind of. She wanted us to have an engagement party too, but we refused. None of DH's other siblings have had engagement parties (there are 6 of them, this SiL is the youngest and last to get engaged) so I think she's doing this one by stealth.

Could you compromise by saying once the children's party is over that you could have an adult party? We could move into the bar area. Where they serve the food, is just a room with a long table and chairs down the middle, usually decorated with banners and balloons. There's a big bar area which would be much nicer than in amongst a load of 8 year olds and assorted party food detrius

There's loads of less nutty ideas which we're more than happy to go along with

OP posts:

Panzee · 13/03/2013 12:52

Veruca socks as party bags?

diddl · 13/03/2013 12:53

"I would so love to be one of the select gathering"

Me too-I love swimming, love parties, don't know any of you-do I qualify?

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