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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for not wanting to turn my daughter's birthday party into SiL's engagement party?

120 replies

freddiefrog · 13/03/2013 12:04

We live several hundred miles away from our families. For the last couple of years my parents have visited at the weekend near my children's birthdays. We've always invited MiL too but she's always refused to come here (we have a spare room, her and step-FiL are perfectly fit and healthy drivers). In fact, in the 10 years we've lived here she's visited once (we visit about once every 6 weeks/2 months)

It's DD2's birthday in a couple of weeks. She's asked for a swimming party and as her birthday is on a Saturday this year, her party is on her actual birthday.

MiL has kicked up a fuss that she never gets to see my girls on their birthday and wants us to travel up to see them for DD's birthday. We refused, and she got a bit shirty so DH reminded her that she is invited to come here (as she is every year), so if she really wants to see DD she'll have to get off her arse (or wait until we go back for the weekend at the end of the easter holidays) so this year she's decided to come.

All fine.

Until last night.

SiL has recently got engaged and MiL wants to bring SiL and her partner down with her. Again, all fine.

Except, MiL announced that she wants to use the occasion of DD's birthday party to have a 'select gathering' for SiL's engagement. I thought she meant she wanted to go out for a nice dinner or something in the evening, but no, this 'select gathering' is to take place in the local swimming pool in the middle of my daughter's birthday party.

She wants the birthday tea table to be decorated with engagement decorations and have champagne toasts while the children and their parents (who are completely unknown to MiL and SiL) tuck into their sausage rolls and jelly.

I really thought she was joking so I laughed a lot but it seems she's being completely serious.

I'm not sure if SiL knows about this madness yet, DH hasn't had a chance to contact her

It's just odd isn't it?

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 13/03/2013 12:56

Oh god that is really funny.

Your mil is nuts.

lunar1 · 13/03/2013 13:00

Poor SIL, hope you DH manages to warn her soon!

Crinkle77 · 13/03/2013 13:00

So I take it there is a function room?

Original poster
freddiefrog · 13/03/2013 13:02

Me too-I love swimming, love parties, don't know any of you-do I qualify?

Grin So far, the entry requirements seem to be that you don't know my SiL from Adam, so I guess you do. The more people my SiL doesn't know the merrier Grin

OP posts:
BeCool · 13/03/2013 13:03

Oh this is glorious!! Please please please let you MIL organise this soiree at dd's swimming pool party. Pool/engagement parties are all the rage dontchaknow?

Please take photos for us. And thanks for the laugh!!! Your MIL is clearly bonkers Grin

ilovecolinfirth · 13/03/2013 13:04

Haha, this is hysterical. All of a sudden my crazy MIL is really normal and reasonable!

NorksAreMessy · 13/03/2013 13:05

If you let me come, I will bring cake and prosecco. I am good at doing that.
Can't swim very well, but I could bob about and hold the tray of drinks over my head :)

HazelnutinCaramel · 13/03/2013 13:05

If I were you, I'd book a table at a nice restaurant for the Sat night then when you speak to MIL again just say 'Its a great idea to celebrate the engagement whilst we're all together but the kids' party isn't very special for SIL so I've booked us a table at XYZ and got some chsmpagne in.' Present it as a done deal.

pigletmania · 13/03/2013 13:07

Absolute no cheeky mare. Put your foot down don't let this happen

SanityClause · 13/03/2013 13:07

Will any of the parents actually stay at the party, anyway? And if they do, surely they'll hang around in the bar, rather than stand around watching the children throw food around eat?

Original poster
freddiefrog · 13/03/2013 13:08

So I take it there is a function room?

Kind of.

Our leisure centre has all sorts - pool, gym, a theatre, a tiny cinema. There's a cafe which has a small room off where they serve the food for the parties, then next to the cafe there's a big bar but it's only open if there's something on at the theatre. If it is open, we could move in there after DD's party.

OP posts:
ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 13/03/2013 13:10

Your MIL has really surpassed herself this time hasn't she ShockGrin

OxfordBags · 13/03/2013 13:14

It's threads like this that make me actually relieved that my ILs take no interest in us!

OP, it sounds like she has such an obsession with parties and so on - and has probably made their birthdays really odd, embarrassing and all about her when they were kids - that she's accidentally made her offspring all hate any type of fuss! I don't believe in karma, but this sounds a lot like it Grin

PS Can I come too?

AThingInYourLife · 13/03/2013 13:19

Please, please don't spoil this wonderful surprise!

YWBVVU to stop this happening.

Go with it.

Then come and tell us all about it.

Plleeeeeeeeeeeease!

This sounds so completely hilarious :o

I'm sure your SIL has done something in the past, or will do something in the future, that means she deserves to celebrate her engagement with a "select" group of strangers in a swimming pool.

HeadfirstForHalos · 13/03/2013 13:25

This sounds like something my mil would do Hmm

When planning our wedding she declared she would pay for glasses of champagne to be served to guests.

But only to select guests on her side of the family.

Everybody else would have a glass of cava they could collect from the bar.

We laughed so hard until we realised she was serious. Even fil told her she couldn't do that. She also gave verbal invitations to all of her neighbours who we don't know from Adam, then got the arse when we refused to invite them.

I can't wait to see how your pool party pans out (sorry) Grin

AThingInYourLife · 13/03/2013 13:35

Little tears are escaping my eyes at the select group of Champagne drinkers :o

Thanks for that little nugget, HeadFirst :o

Arithmeticulous · 13/03/2013 13:39

Does your sister in law know?

I know most parents desperately try to avoid swimming parties - but you could buck the trend with this gathering

sjupes · 13/03/2013 13:40

headfirst do you share a MIL with freddie Hmm bonkers biddys and their 'select few' and champagne Grin

I want to be this MIL when i grow up!!

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 13/03/2013 13:40

HeadFirst GrinShockGrin

WilsonFrickett · 13/03/2013 13:43

What are you doing letting DH phone the SIL!!!!!!!!! You need to phone her, we need to know what she says!

This is the most bonkers thing I've ever heard. I love it. I want to come. I'll bring my best arm-bands and everything.

bloodyschool · 13/03/2013 13:44

So it's a mumicipal pool! This gets better and better (not for your SIL obviously)
Will there be a fun session on at the same time?
On the plus side 20 kids high on a party rush might just act as a contraceptive to the couple for many years to come!

bloodyschool · 13/03/2013 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealFellatio · 13/03/2013 13:44

What an absolutely crap idea. And I am quite sure SIL will find it equally crap, and not want to go along with it at all. Just get your DH to tell her it's a really bad idea.

Original poster
freddiefrog · 13/03/2013 13:45

Headfirst I'm relieved I'm not the only one with MiL with a penchant for 'select' gatherings! Grin

Actually, I do admire her sheer bloody mindedness sometimes, and I wish I had her balls - knowing her, this will go ahead as she'll just do it anyway and pop up with a bottle of cava while the lights are off for birthday-candle-blowing-out

OP posts:
claudedebussy · 13/03/2013 13:48

bonkers

Confused