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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that my ILs cannot/will not say my name properly?

98 replies

HappyAsEyeAm · 12/03/2013 17:22

I have a Welsh name. It isn't long - just two syllables. I am Welsh, but live in the SE now. Coincidentally my MIL is also Welsh. My ILs and SILs live nearby. All of 'my side' of my family still live in Wales.

DH and I have been together for 11 years, married for 6. Until we got engaged, ILs always said my name wrong, and to start off with, I corrected them (quite shyly, I suppose - for some reason, I was embarrassed that they were getting it wrong), but then I stopped. When we got engaged, DH and I decided that our parents should meet. They hadn't met before because each set of parents lives 250 miles from the other. In advance of that, I said to DH (DP as he was then) something along the lines of "please would you tell your parents how to say my name properly, because my parents are going to think it is very strange when they meet that your parents are mispronouncing my name". DH happened to see his parents that night, said about it and that was that.

Right. DH has always called me by a shortened version of my full name. So, he just says the first syllable. Since he had that conversation with them, they (and SILs) have all called me by this shortened name. I don't like the shortened name. I would never call myself it, and all of my side of the family and my friends call me by my full name.

At our wedding, when we said our vows, DH and I of course said my full name. Cue lots of DH's side of the family (but not SILs and ILs) apologising to me afterwards for saying my name wrongly, but they were only "saying it the way ILs said it". Fair enough!

AIBU to be annoyed that my ILs and SILs (and now SILs' partners) will not use my proper name? I feel that its laziness that they won't try and say it properly, and even though I don't like DH using the shortened version, I sort of see it as a pet name he has for me now. I don't know why they can't take their cue from my parents and from me, saying my name 'properly' as they have met my parents loads and loads since (especially now that we have DC and spend time together as an extended family). I am waaaaaaay to embarrassed to bring it up with them though Blush

OP posts:
fififrog · 12/03/2013 17:29

Well, I think you were reasonable to want them to say it right, but to be honest I am not surprised if DH uses an abbreviated form that his family have picked that up. It's mighty annoying but it happens. I fear it may be too late but I totally understand being annoyed at an abbreviation.

My name gets abbreviated by friends but I like to be formal at work. Sadly a couple of friends started working in the same place and brought the abbreviation with them. Now some of the managers use my nickname. I hate it, but somehow it feels really hard to say "please don't call me that".

I don't know what to suggest but I feel for you!

ILikeBirds · 12/03/2013 17:29

" I feel that its laziness that they won't try and say it properly"

Does this mean it's not easily pronounceable for an English speaker?

If that's the case then YABU, I have had 7 years to try and pronounce my OH's name correctly and I still can't do it, it's not for lack of trying.

YANBU if your name is for example Cerys and they're saying Carys

flossymuldoon · 12/03/2013 17:29

I have a welsh name too and was i welsh then i would expect everyone to pronounce it properly, but i aren't so have been subjected to a lifetime of people pronouncing it incorrectly. It doesn't bother me though and i find it quite funny.
But, i get really wound up when people when people pronounce my friends/families name incorrectly as i just see it that people don't listen properly.
You have been around long enough for them to listen and get it right so YANBU.

fififrog · 12/03/2013 17:30

Also, I think it's common for people's own family to not use abbreviations when everyone else does so they wouldn't think that was weird.

Leeds2 · 12/03/2013 17:30

If your in laws call themselves by full, longer names eg Elizabeth or Jonathan, start calling them by the shortened version eg Liz or Jon. They will soon get the point! YANBU, and they seem to be being a bit petty to me.

Original poster
HappyAsEyeAm · 12/03/2013 17:31

My name is very easy to prnounce. I don't want to say what it is, but really, it is. It is very easy to mimic. No Welsh sounds or anything Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyAsEyeAm · 12/03/2013 17:32

Leeds ILs have one syllable names each (not shortened to one syllable, they just are one syllable). Otherwise I would do as you say!

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 12/03/2013 17:35

Take to ignoring them unless they say your name properly.

Also tell your husband to correct them each time.

One of the two or both together ought to work.

Kayano · 12/03/2013 17:44

Well your dh will be calling you by the shortened name in front of them and presumably when talking about you and you don't seem to think it lazy of him.

Why have a problem with only some people using a shortened name, but for others (who are all related!) it's ok.

I think your just nit picking. You asked them to not pronounce it incorrectly, so your dh had a word, and they now call you what he calls you. I don't get it

bigTillyMint · 12/03/2013 17:47

How annoying!

My MIL called me Sue for the first couple of years that DH and I were together. My name is not Sue.

DH'd pet name for me is a shortened version of my maiden name - I hate it but thankfully, the IL's don't call me that!

mynewpassion · 12/03/2013 17:49

Why have you not told your dh that you hate the shorten name? Its been 11 years.

Or is it like the times you suck up snd eat your spouse's speciality dish because you don't wsnt to their feelings?

SauvignonBlanche · 12/03/2013 17:50

YANBU, that sounds very annoying.
Is anyone else dying to know what the name is? Grin

Inertia · 12/03/2013 17:55

I think they've taken the lead from your DH. If it mattered that much then he should have always called you by your full name in their company and used the pet name in private.

Not sure how you can tackle it after 11 years though to be honest.

LifeSavedbyLego · 12/03/2013 17:56

I don't think it is unreasonable of them to call you them same thing as your dh does. Why haven't you told him you don't like it?

my money is on Rhian

fryingpantoface · 12/03/2013 18:00

I was thinking Rhian.

I'd pronounce it like the beginning of Rhianna.

fryingpantoface · 12/03/2013 18:01

I meant prounce like rhianna without the a on the end.

alarkaspree · 12/03/2013 18:03

I don't understand why you would go along with your dh calling you by a name you didn't like. Isn't that a lot more annoying than your ILs getting it wrong? You have to see him every day.

I don't see it as that unreasonable for his family to pick up on what he calls you though. It's not an outrageous stretch of the imagination to think, well her husband calls her x, she must like it. You will have to tell them if you want it to change. Probably quite a few times.

LifeSavedbyLego · 12/03/2013 18:07

fryingpantoface You pronounce it Rhiun (sort of). Pronouncing it Rhi-Anne which is how I think you suggested would get you taken out and shot. Rhians ime can have a complete sense of humour failure over this.

but we digress..

Jins · 12/03/2013 18:07

I doubt it's Rhian if there's no welsh sounds. Rhian is very hard to get right

Cailinsalach · 12/03/2013 18:08

I think the OP is called Stacy.

(And her DH is called Gavin)

PoppyWearer · 12/03/2013 18:10

I actually have something similar with my name (not Welsh but another Celtic-type name). DH calls me by a shortened version, MIL and FIL mangle the longer version. They are the only people I've ever met who pronounce my name that way!

It's been 14 years or so, am just gritting my teeth and bearing it TBH.

For me, a person's name matters and getting it wrong is a real no-no.

MamOfTwo · 12/03/2013 18:11

That would annoy me too. Could you start referring to yourself in the third person so that they get extra exposure to the correct pronounciation of your name?!

My money is on Bethan - incorrectly pronounced as BethUN by the non-Welshies rather than the much prettier BethAN. Perhaps your DH calls you Beth, which would annoy me if I was a Bethan.

Thumbwitch · 12/03/2013 18:11

I think it's Blodwyn. Blod would be a rotten shortening, except as a pet name.

I think YANBU about this - your name is important. I get cross when people, including family who have known me for 40+ years, STILL spell my name wrong.
And they all know not to lengthen it (can't be shortened) unless they want me to get all Hulkish about it! Grin

Pigsmummy · 12/03/2013 18:12

If your DH calls by a shortened version then what do you expect really? If it bothers you then keep correcting people.

Jins · 12/03/2013 18:13

I'd be annoyed as well op. My MiL spells my name wrong deliberately and it used to make me froth. I can't imagine a way of mispronouncing my name but I'm sure she would if she could Grin

I just do it back nowadays.