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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that 'but it's mother's day' is a crap excuse.

482 replies

manicinsomniac · 10/03/2013 18:51

We had the dress rehearsal of our very large scale school play all day today .

The children were not forced to be in it. They auditioned. They have known since mid October that this rehearsal was unmissable in almost all circumstances and that if they couldn't commit to it then they couldn't be in the show.

on Friday night as he left for home one boy (with a large-ish part) told us he can't come as it's mother's day. I rang home explaining the importance of the rehearsal and pointing out how long it has been scheduled for but the response was no, he can't be away from his family on mother's day.

And now they are cross because we've kicked the kid out. They were warned.

The other 70 odd children were all there.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
fluffypillow · 10/03/2013 21:27

I think you should have let it go.

Kicking the boy out was a massive overreaction.

You were lucky to have everyone else turn up.

Give the boy his part back, he has obviously worked for it.

YABVU.

shesariver · 10/03/2013 21:28

The Mothers' Day fuss on here reminds me of some of the threads about adult birthdays that I don't understand either. It's just not that big a deal

OP I dont actually think YABU at all but attitudes such as this above make me angry, it shows some peoples total inflexibility in thinking - that is because THEY dont think something is important, in this case Mothers Day they don't understand why others may think differently.

Iamsparklyknickers · 10/03/2013 21:31

That works both ways surely shesariver?

Hulababy · 10/03/2013 21:32

Poor kid. Punished at the last minute due to something he had no control over. :( let's hope he isn't too upset and it doesn't mess up other stuff for him, ESP his confidence in school.

As for the whole independent school - yeah been there done that. Still think it's too much to punish a child for something he can't control. Ones I know wouldn't do it and yes some amazing shows still happening.

If it was the child making the choices I'd have no issue with it, but he is still a child and would not have been able to over rule what happened today.

But hey - so long as the school play is okay yeah?!

willesden · 10/03/2013 21:34

YABU. You sound like a right diva director. He is best out of it imo.

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 10/03/2013 21:35

YANBU

I was in every school production at secondary school - loved doing them to pieces. The final rehearsal week was always my birthday and so five birthdays were spent rehearsing. As a committed cast member it royally pissed me off when people with important parts couldn't be bothered to turn up (not counting illness, etc. ).

Our productions were good, but not as slick as they could have been if the rules had been tighter. May not be RADA to some, but for kids like I was who loved performing but hadn't a snowball's chance in Hell of ever getting within spitting distance of a stage school, it was the closest we'd get and we wanted it to be amazing.

I'm now a secondary teacher (not drama) and our school's productions are fantastic, mostly due to the hard-line stance taken by the teachers involved (of which I'm not one as I have committed to other things instead). Students take tremendous pride in their shows, as well they should as the quality reflects a group's dedication for the best they can do.

The parents knew the dates. If you let one kid off for a non-emergency, putting aside h&s concerns, there will be more next year and the quality goes down as commitment does.

Smithson6 · 10/03/2013 21:38

But the play is not going to be OK is it? one of the main parts has not rehearsed and is going to be in a position of letting all the cast down by missing his cues and so on. Those of you that think OP is such a meanie, don't you think that she has an obligation to the others in the play to not let them down and to the individual himself by not putting him in a situation where he is out of his depth and likely to publically fuck up?

I am totally in team OP.

DreamsTurnToGoldDust · 10/03/2013 21:39

It's not about Mother's Day, birthdays etc...... It's about a good teacher understanding that not all children have 100%backing of families and taking that into account. This child cannot be responsible for his parents actions.

MummytoKatie · 10/03/2013 21:39

Either the play matters or it doesn't. If it doesn't then he won't care if he's in or not. And if it does then it presumably matters to the other 69 too.

If he can't find his dresser for his change then the lad can't go on in his pants. And I don't think it will be great for Juliet's confidence to do the balcony scene in front of the entire school and have Romeo not turn up.

IloveJudgeJudy · 10/03/2013 21:41

Another one saying YANBU. Boy and his parents knew right from the start the commitment that needed to be made. They knew the date of the final dress rehearsal and knew that if this rehearsal wasn't attended then he would be out. They still decided that he had to go and visit his grandparents. They have no leg to stand on. I feel very sorry for the pupil, but what about all the other 69, technicians, not to mention the OP who have turned up today. If the OP lets him back on, what does that say to the others in the play? What message does that give? Don't worry about others, just about yourself?

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/03/2013 21:43

DreamsTurnToGoldDust
"It's about a good teacher understanding that not all children have 100%backing of families and taking that into account."

And sometimes being a good teacher is putting the needs of the many ahead of the needs of the few or the one.

SpecialAgentKat · 10/03/2013 21:46

What message would it send the other 69 students if he got his role back?

A.) Not fair. Why did he get special treatment?
B.) If my parents/I stomp my feet enough, I don't have to stick to my responsibilities either.

shesariver · 10/03/2013 21:47

That works both ways surely shesariver?

Of course it does, but I would never say something is no big deal just because it isn't to me and I can fully understand why it isn't to others.

Goldenbear · 10/03/2013 21:47

YABU.

Signed contracts for school productions- is he getting paid for this production? I went to private school, performed in a few school productions, we didn't have signed contracts and most of us still managed to become responsible adults.

In contrast to the poster above my performances, which I enjoyed at the time, aren't some of the most memorable events of my life. Precisely because they were NOT stage school productions, they were a bit of fun!

shesariver · 10/03/2013 21:48

Im still amazed that a school production is spending thousands of pounds on sets mind you!

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 10/03/2013 21:48

properformer ? totally agree with you re radio mics, I HATE having to use them ? we don?t even have a full orchestra! However, I am always astonished at the extent to which children?s voices lack power and there?s no way 80% of ours could be heard at the back of the theatre without them.

specialagent fairylights incrediblephat- exactly!

uncleeddie if he was at ours then thank you very much! Grin

tomarchers it isn?t a main part, just a decent one. We have an understudy who was knows the lines and was there (a chorus member and we reblocked the choreography for the chorus so that he could come out of it)

growlithe - good point! It was a stupid thought/comment really. I?m a little bit over susceptible to other people?s opinions at times!

mummytokatie - I think it would be illegal (unless of course we gave him a separate one which we would have found time to do for illness etc)

OP posts:
MamaMumra · 10/03/2013 21:48

OP I dont actually think YABU at all but attitudes such as this above make me angry, it shows some peoples total inflexibility in thinking - that is because THEY dont think something is important, in this case Mothers Day they don't understand why others may think differently.

Yes I think that's how the OP has sounded. I still think YABU. and a bit triumphalist too.

AlwaysWashing · 10/03/2013 21:51

On one hand you are saying "It's only Mother's Day" but you are getting stroppy over them saying "It's only a rehearsal for a school play".
I say good on them for prioritising & putting family first.

ivykaty44 · 10/03/2013 21:53

If mothers day is such an important Sunday in the calendar for a family - then of course they would know that it was going to be the 10 march in 2013 and they would know this or check with it being a sunday so close to the easter holidays - after all mothering sunday is a moveable feast but it is always three sundays before easter sunday so usually two weeks before the end of the spring term, that part doesn't alter much.

NonnoMum · 10/03/2013 21:54

OK - just realised that this is a private school - yup sack him.
Good luck with the chat with the head and bursar afterwards...

chubbychipmonk · 10/03/2013 21:56

I can understand you being annoyed / angry / frustrated he wasn't’ there but at 13 he prob had no choice in not going if his parents put the foot down if other family plans were made.

Feel really sorry for the poor boy who now has prob had a bit of his confidence dented, will be embarrassed when he goes to school on Mon telling his peers he's no longer in the play & there's prob been some sort of argument at home about it. Kicking him out the play was totally OTT & unfair on a 13 year old.

SpecialAgentKat · 10/03/2013 22:01

NonnoMum Sun 10-Mar-13 21:54:50
OK - just realised that this is a private school - yup sack him.
Good luck with the chat with the head and bursar afterwards...

In other words, parents foot stomping?

ivykaty44 · 10/03/2013 22:08

yes the parents might kick up a right fuss that they didn't stick to the signed agreement and you carried through with the threat - the rules didn't apply to them you know OP - there are a lot of people that don't think the rules apply to them and I wonder if it is due to growing up in a world where they didn't suffer the consequences of not following the rules and no repercussion. Its a let down Sad

FantasticDay · 10/03/2013 22:08

I'm really surprised a church school would schedule this on Mothers Day. I'm surprised any of the kids could make it.

HazleNutt · 10/03/2013 22:10

so people really believe, that even though it was made clear that if you want to be in the play, you have to be there for all rehearsals, the OP should just make an exception anyway? How do you think all other kids will feel, who might have cancelled their plans and made an effort to be there?