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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that 'but it's mother's day' is a crap excuse.

482 replies

manicinsomniac · 10/03/2013 18:51

We had the dress rehearsal of our very large scale school play all day today .

The children were not forced to be in it. They auditioned. They have known since mid October that this rehearsal was unmissable in almost all circumstances and that if they couldn't commit to it then they couldn't be in the show.

on Friday night as he left for home one boy (with a large-ish part) told us he can't come as it's mother's day. I rang home explaining the importance of the rehearsal and pointing out how long it has been scheduled for but the response was no, he can't be away from his family on mother's day.

And now they are cross because we've kicked the kid out. They were warned.

The other 70 odd children were all there.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2013 22:12

Some of the YABU aren't that Hazle they are YABU to have a rehearsal ALL DAY on Mothering Sunday.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 10/03/2013 22:12

we're not a church school, we just have a christian ethos, as a large number of independent schools do. C of E or Catholic churches maybe take mother's day more seriously, it's not a festival I've ever known to be particularly marked in churches I've attended.

And our head will support us. We pass all paperwork to parents by him first to make sure he's happy with what we're saying.

OP posts:
HazleNutt · 10/03/2013 22:18

Yes if there were other options then I personally would not schedule rehearsals for such dates either. But that's the point - parents and the boy knew the dates and promised that he will be there. He wasn't. They were warned of what the consequences are. I don't see what else OP could have done, unless she wanted to make a loud and clear statement that the rules only apply to some people and not others.

cantreachmytoes · 10/03/2013 22:25

YANBU!
Not at all!
The situation is horrible, particularly for the boy, but that does not equal it being OP's fault.

The school pushes drama as much as academics from what OP said. The parents presumably didn't send DS to such a school hoping he wouldn't be involved in big, quality (i assume) productions? The only way you can get quality from a large group of children in a relatively short period of time is by having rules. His being in the play now would jeopardise that quality for the other 69, and THAT is not fair.

It's horrible for DS, but that does not mean OP is U, nor does it mean the boy should get his part back. It would be nice to be nice, but it's not fair on the 69+ people who managed to have Mother's Day dinner, breakfast or postpone it.

And I am a lover of being spoilt on MD, but it's not Christmas, it's not even a holiday!

TomArchersSausage · 10/03/2013 22:27

70 sets of parents took the commitment on board and one family not.

It's not fair on the other 70 to make exceptions for 1. No doubt many of them would have preferred to do special things on M/Day but they still turned up.

Then if you think about it there's birthdays to consider. They could potentially come along at any time and blow a hole in the thing. You have to draw the line somewhere.

To put on such a big play with so many in it (sounds an organisational nightmare) you'd have to have some pretty stiff ground rules, otherwise it'd be organised chaos which isn't fair to those who have been 100% reliable.

It's horrible for the boy concerned, I feel sorry for him if his family are unsupportive. But if I was manicinsomniac I'd sooner be dealing with one complaining family (who made a clear choice about not allowing their boy to attend) than 70 who could legitimately question why they're bothering to turn up regardless of where they prefer to be when others don't have to follow suit.

I wonder if those saying YABU would be so understanding if the actions of one ruined the hard work of their own dc in something like this.

teatrolley · 10/03/2013 22:29

I don't think you were at all unreasonable and I think you made your views clear. I still feel sorry for the boy because it wasn't his choice not to be there.

ProPerformer · 10/03/2013 22:31

OP I hear you about kids voices lacking power nowadays! We have some AMAZING singers where I work, but if asked to sing anything above mumble volume they just can't do it and their voices go to pot!
I remember one school concert where all other soloists had mics apart from me, (Well I had one for the look/hearing loop but was on extra low) because I just belted my solo out as I'd been taught while the others whispered. Grin

IShallWearMidnight · 10/03/2013 22:33

And to those saying"school play, not a big deal", I know of several DC who got into the BRIT school doing just school plays. Some schools take drama as seriously as maths and English. You don't like it, you don't sign up for it.

dolallylass · 10/03/2013 22:39

YABVU. Poor lad. Harsh reaction.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 10/03/2013 22:46

OP, YANBU. Stick to your guns.

For those saying how must the poor boy feel, how about the understudy? He's put the work in for two parts, this one and the chorus. He's been promoted at the last minute, a reward for turning up and doing the job. How would he feel if the first boy gets the part back, when he broke the rules?

McNewPants2013 · 10/03/2013 22:49

Yanbu, the rules and dates was made well aware of.

If my children wanted to do something and we commited to it then we would be there ( even if it fell on christmas day)

CelticPromise · 10/03/2013 23:02

shesariver that's fine, if these things are a big deal to your family. But if that's the case you have to acknowledge that the rest of the universe continues on around you and there may be things you have to miss. Or you can think that the play is actually a bigger deal for your DS this one year, and let him go to rehearsal.

Bugsylugs · 10/03/2013 23:09

Great for the understudy would have been very unfair on them if the 'rules' had been changed. One families loss has been another's gain.

Jux · 10/03/2013 23:10

YANNNNNBU

You made the rules clear, everyone has known them for months. Sad for the boy, but his parents made the decision knowing what the result would be. Unless they are chancers who think rules don't apply to them.

GreenEggsAndNichts · 10/03/2013 23:10

wow. I'm not even that precious about Mother's Day but YABU. Sure, it's a day like any other day, but that could be said about any holiday.

Silly of the family to agree months ago that he could attend the rehearsal on Mother's Day (maybe they didn't notice the date- I wouldn't have known), but also very poor planning to have it that way in the first place.

Turnipsoup · 10/03/2013 23:11

Both you and perhaps his parents are both being VU.
You for arranging a dress rehearsal on on Mothers Day, and for kicking the boy out.... surely it is more likely to cause problems getting someone to step in to his shoes at this late stage?
His parents for presumably not considering his feelings in the matter.
I feel sorry for the boy!

thisonehasalittlecar · 10/03/2013 23:16

Op, you've got to go to bed and stop stewing over this. You've got a show to do tomorrow!

Agrestic · 10/03/2013 23:16

YANBU

  1. If mothering Sunday was such an important family event the parents would have picked up on it at the beginning.
  1. 69 other children didn't make plans or made alternative plans, it's not fair on them.
  1. He won't know what the fuck he is doing on your three storey set (very impressive!) and will stand out like a sore thumb.
  1. He missed the H&S talk. If he hurts himself of course it will be all your fault.

Don't back down!!

mumeeee · 10/03/2013 23:17

YABU. DD3 is in a Drama club and they often have reheasals for plays. They are asked to attend all rehearsals but the will not be kicked out if they can't attend one and give a good explanation. In fact the person who runs the club usually caters for 3 missed rehearsals.
In our family Mothers day is quite important and I would not have been happy for an all day rehearsal to be scheduled for that day,

maddening · 10/03/2013 23:19

What idiots felt they couldn't move the rehearsal - how stupid. Could have had it on Saturday or the week before or Friday - as it is a school production those involved could have been excused from lessons.

And to throw him out considering the stupidity of the organisers in picking the date caused what was always going to be a potentially awkward date. No one would have looked at those dates 5months ago and thought - oh that's mother's day - generally I've only remembered because there.are suddenly adverts everywhere.

FrameyMcFrame · 10/03/2013 23:21

Op, i think my niece is in this production, I'm coming to see it on Thursday!

McNewPants2013 · 10/03/2013 23:22

It quite ironic really, the only reason you (general) are a mum is because of your children......yet they have to miss something because of mother's day.

I am quite opposite with mother's day. I have bought the DC presents and spent the day thinking its because of them I am a mum.

Lucyellensmum95 · 10/03/2013 23:24

wow - im glad you're not my DDs teacher

McNewPants2013 · 10/03/2013 23:27

why lucy.

This teacher is giving up her weekend and no doubt alot of other time for this show. I would say the OP is a dedicated teacher

landrover · 10/03/2013 23:28

Get a grip!! Its a SCHOOL PLAY!!! Hardly important in the scheme of a cv when theyve left UNI!!! Some teachers are such bloody divas! And why are the school wasting our money on bloody radio mikes etc?