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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that 'but it's mother's day' is a crap excuse.

482 replies

manicinsomniac · 10/03/2013 18:51

We had the dress rehearsal of our very large scale school play all day today .

The children were not forced to be in it. They auditioned. They have known since mid October that this rehearsal was unmissable in almost all circumstances and that if they couldn't commit to it then they couldn't be in the show.

on Friday night as he left for home one boy (with a large-ish part) told us he can't come as it's mother's day. I rang home explaining the importance of the rehearsal and pointing out how long it has been scheduled for but the response was no, he can't be away from his family on mother's day.

And now they are cross because we've kicked the kid out. They were warned.

The other 70 odd children were all there.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
iliketea · 10/03/2013 20:18

YANBU - maybe it's "only a school production" but there are 69 other children plus staff / crew who all managed to make the dress rehearsal. The parents / child signed it in advance to committ to those rehearsal dates; maybe it will be a lesson in life that if you committ to something you should honour that. What if in years to come said child is working on mothering sunday? He'll not bother going in because it's a special day? If families were so concerned about the date, they could have checked the calender and identified they didn't want to committ to the rehearsal schdule.

Dneice was recently in a school production, had to sign committing to rehearsals with a clause of 2 misses and your out. OK it was "only a school production" but it was in a public theatre, advertised to the general public for raising school funds. Why should someone pay to see someone who's not rehearsed properly and why should the other cast members be affected by a family who didn't take the rehearsal schedule seriously?

Shoppinglist · 10/03/2013 20:19

Nothing quite like crushing a 13 year old on a Sunday.

I'd speak to the boy, find out why he didn't attend and if he wasn't allowed how can you punish him? Perhaps say he can take his part this time but has detention.

MerylStrop · 10/03/2013 20:19

It's not the Mother's Day issue that makes you unreasonable, it's the kicking the 13 year old out because of a choice his parents made.

The other 70 families were obviously far too scared not to be there

This play is obv a big big deal. But making an example of this poor kid after he's been working towards it for 6 months? Horrible.

Roseformeplease · 10/03/2013 20:20

YADNBU. Children (and parents) are all too often let off the hook (and I am guilty of this) and education is about more than just the lessons or the Drama. Pupils need to learn about the importance of making a commitment. A cast is a team that is only as good as its least committed player. If the Mother (or Father, or Grandparents) really wanted an all-round education for their child, then they would be hammering this home by making a 13 year old honour a commitment, rather than expecting them to be let off.

As teachers we have to draw a lone, and hold it. If one child is allowed to miss then, very shortly, you end up with half the cast missing.

And, yes, I have children and I too have been rehearsing all day. Our lunch was a dinner and we are going out next weekend with my Step Mother.

And, in a private school, there are often very "entitled" parents who feel they are buying a service that means they can expect University places and glittering prizes but their only input is cash, they can be just as neglectful as anyparents.

Molehillmountain · 10/03/2013 20:21

DH is a drama teacher and has had big rehearsals the last two weekends. A few years ago they did one on Mothering Sunday and there were lots of complaints. They did the rehearsal that would have been today yesterday, iyswim. Ywnbu to expect attendance but Mothering Sunday is not the best day for a rehearsal. I was one of the ones complaining a few years ago-dh was out nine til seven on Mothering Sunday.

fascicle · 10/03/2013 20:22

This isn't RADA
No, but the drama over the importance of Mothers Day is RADA worthy.

CelticPromise · 10/03/2013 20:24

Fair enough Sirzy, I frequently go to a different parish in order to fit mass around sports at the weekend but I recognise if you're somewhere without many churches that would be hard.

CelticPromise · 10/03/2013 20:26

The Mothers' Day fuss on here reminds me of some of the threads about adult birthdays that I don't understand either. It's just not that big a deal.

Bugsylugs · 10/03/2013 20:26

Definitely YANBU. There have as far as I can make out been 8 weeks of rehearsals of which the boy has missed by the sound of it 4. Yes we know Mothering Sunday is really important to some but the family have known what was signed up for. MD has been I the TV in the shops for weeks soothe family will not have just realised.
Why do this family think they are more entitled and important than others? We were brought up to honour commitments as are my family. Am amazed that others are so willing to let others down.

Loshad · 10/03/2013 20:27

YADNBU, he knew what he signing up too, and chose not to follow those.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 10/03/2013 20:31

nice to have some more NBUs coming in, I was really starting to think we might have made a mistake.

OP posts:
nottersgotterdonkey · 10/03/2013 20:33

Hmm made up ?

It's not Sunday Night at the London Palladium.

I don't believe a school play is that precious - unless you are working in a stage school.

NonnoMum · 10/03/2013 20:34

Actually, changed my mind.

stone him.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/03/2013 20:36

This thread does go to show just how unappreciated those that organise actives outside of school are.

Chiggers · 10/03/2013 20:36

YANBU. Mother's Day is every year. A school production isn't every year, except nativity.

The mother, knowing there was a good chance of the lad losing his place and after being warned of such, insists that the lad has the day off to see other family. This results in the boy losing his place on the production. I think the lad's parent(s) have a bloody cheek being cross when they were clearly warned that their precious DC had a good chance of losing his part.

When you sign up for something, you commit to it and only take time off if unwell or an emergency.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 10/03/2013 20:38

not a stage school but an independent where sport, drama and music are ranked on a par with academics, meaning that time is fought over and scheduling is a nightmare.

OP posts:
nottersgotterdonkey · 10/03/2013 20:38

Not at all. If there are 70 people in the play, unless this child is playing the lead role, is it really such a big deal?

Sirzy · 10/03/2013 20:40

This thread does go to show just how unappreciated those that organise actives outside of school are.

I am a youth worker who organises plenty of activities outside of school time.

I am also aware that life doesn't revolve around activities and that children have families and other commitments and therefore expectations have to be realistic and have an element of flexibility in them.

Somethingtothinkabout · 10/03/2013 20:41

I'm weighing in with a very large YANBU.

His parents are unreasonable and unfair. But that is not the OP's fault.

Having grown up involved in a lot of sport teams, there is absolutely nothing more frustrating than other 'team members' thinking they are entitled to not bother to turn up when it suits them.

Basically, these parents thought they could have their cake and eat it. Harsh for the little boy, but the responsibility for that rests squarely at the feet of his parents.

Plus, since this boy has a large-ish part, I'm sure there were other, more committed children who would have loved his part.

ChocsAwayInMyGob · 10/03/2013 20:42

YABU.

I get that YOU don't think it's important, but a little tolerance of others would go a long way. It's not up to you to decide he could do that "any other Sunday"

I personally would not have scheduled an all day rehearsal on Mother's Day and would have moved mountains to find another way. I can understand that you found that difficult due to timings and dates, but I disagree with your attitude that MD is not important to you nor should it be for others.

choirmum · 10/03/2013 20:43

YADNBU. The rules were laid out 5 months ago. No-one was forced to take part. As a parent, I'd put his commitment above any plans we would make,given that there was so much notice given. What's wrong with an evening meal for goodness sake? And you're a mother every day, not just on an arbitrary Sunday.

snice · 10/03/2013 20:46

I will give you another YANBU.

Can't believe all the extraordinary comments about the 'specialness' of Mothers Day outranking all other engagements-there must be thousands of us who have spent Mothers Day shivering pitchside! When did it all become such a big over-commercialised fuss?

Bowlersarm · 10/03/2013 20:48

If you have 70 odd children involved you can't afford to be flexible. It's not fair on those who do bother and who the event (play, sports, music etc) is really important to. If my children commit to something, especially if it affects many many people then they stay committed unless they are ill. His parents are at fault here and unfortunately their behaviour is having an impact on the child.

I've tried to keep an open mind after reading most posts, and OP, I still think YANBU

Iamsparklyknickers · 10/03/2013 20:48

A quick google shows there were a lot of national competitions held today for under 18's, it seems mothers day isn't a date that many people would think a barrier for activities that require commitment and attendance...

In the abscence of any particular pressing reasons I still don't think the OP is BU.

School is there to reinforce life lessons and to coordinate lots of people - although I still feel for the boy, his parents are the ones who should be feeling ashamed of themselves for putting their desires above the work their child has already put in. For the OP to back down just reinforces their attitude to their son - whinge enough and you'll get your own way no matter how many other people are involved and have played by the rules. Hopefully this goes some way to counteracting that for him. Extremely tough for him, but how horrible to go through life with those expectations. You're not young and blameless forever.

Manic out of interest what times were the kids expected to be there? I would have thought a decent amount of the evening would have been left for meals out etc.

MummytoKatie · 10/03/2013 20:51

Question - has the boy been kicked out to "punish" him or because, having missed the dress rehearsal there are large numbers of important changes in the production that he now won't know? Because there are 70 kids in this play who have all worked hard and it would be a shame if the play was damaged because one person was in the wrongq place at the wrong time.

My own experience is from Gang Shows (ie 200 Scouts and Guides). The opening number (where I was slap bang in the middle quite close to the back) had all 200 kids in it. The second number was a front of curtain line up with 6 of us. I had about 2 lines of solo but my solo was first. It was only in the dress rehearsal that we discovered that it was not possible for someone starting from my position in the "gang" to make it against 200 people going in the opposite direction to the front of curtain in time for my solo. (I missed it.) I was mortified to miss it for the dress rehearsal. It would have been soooo much worse if it had happened on opening night. And I wasn't even particularly important - those 2 lines were the only time I was seen. [No talent whatsoever emoticon]

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